Search results matching tag 'inner child'

Looking for financial independency: My inner child has confused gifts with love

UHU — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 17:13:30 GMT

Hello,

I am going through a very painful breakup. While very actively working on myself I feel stuck not wanting to go back to work and resume my normal daily life. It is even more difficult that I work at home so I do not have any peer pressure to get me going.

I have felt a bit concerned about this and decided to tap. I have discovered recently that I suffer from co-dependency and love addiction. I felt that my inability to resume work as before was not just depression caused by the break-up though so I tapped on

Even though, I don't know why I am having such a hard time getting back to work, I completely love and accept myself....

Very quickly I understood that as a little child the best moments I had with my parents was when I received gifts. I was very excited. I often exactly the gift I had expected. My parents put a lot of love and care in choosing presents for me and Christmas was always a night with no fights where at last I was the center of the attention.

Otherwise, my parents would scream and insult each other. They even got into fights while my mother was calling me to witness the scene. They were asking me to make up for their unhappy childhood and meet all of their different expectations which were more often than not totally incompatible and I just could not measure up. I felt really neglected, abandoned, more like a thing than a human being and very deprived of love and acknowledgement of who I was.

As a young adult I often put myself in situations where I would become financially dependant over and over. I too had very unrealistic expectations of myself, was a perfectionist and had delusions of grandeur without wanting to take the necessary steps. I was trying to prove to my parent my self worth by trying to achieve something impossible and always failed miserably. I guess it had the double hidden benefit of keeping my financially dependent and ridden in low self-esteem

I am really fed up with that situation that repeats itself over and over so I learnt EFT and started therapy to deal with that very subject. I had become partially financially dependent on my boyfriend as well and felt that I had an invisible maximum wage written down somewhere in my soul that said minimum wage accepted is just above the threshold of misery. My couple suffered from that a great deal when I was working more and more hours just to get the same amount of money at the end of the month. I accepted to be abused by my clients who asked for to many things they had not paid for....

Now I understand that my inner child confused Christmas, receiving gifts/money with being loved and being safe. My parents never screamed at me when they offered me gifts. I felt safe. It seems I want my inner child wants to go back to the safe and loving place of being taken care of. My adult self does not. It wants to be able to have enough wealth to make her own Christmas….

I really want to shift that belief (money/gifts= safety and love) so that I can achieve the wealth that is just dying to enter my life.

Please let me know if you have any insights on how to handle this.

Lots of love

Re: Need help with tapping ideas for 2 emotional problems that are causing candida/anxiety

Gino Gerard — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 21:40:49 GMT

Hi,

I noticed you are using the following words in your text:

" I am not really there - there's a wall there- maybe I’m trying to keep myself safe by not being fully present and not putting myself out there."I would like to ask you if you are in the ability to visualise yourself passed that wall?

The brain subconsience communicate with visual-sound -or feelings.The strongest of the 3 is FEELIbecause without feelings the other two just dont have any influence on us.When we see, or visualize , and dont feel , it dont mean a lot, the influence it can have is not there.

When we here sound or music and we can not feel it or attach feelings to it , it dont have effect on us.

I notice that you feel like you want to saty behind that wall, you feel protected there .For your subconsience this is your COMFORT zone, even when it is wrong, the subconsious dont care about that, because it just follows waht it is programated to do.

Your life experiences have build a believe system inyour subconsious that give you the message , THIS is yur home.Dont get out of here.

It is very significant u use the words -like a wall-

What a wall does? You can hide behind it, protects you against the outside or against attacks from outside.

Like I see it this is the believe system you have build up over the years.People bullying you, the move to other place, your whole world changed drasticly.The experiences in that period created the believe that you are like this, that THIS IS YOU.

I would start adresing that feeling, the feeling that you have to hide yourself or bad things will happen to you.

"Even tough, I feel l am safe behind that wall and i feel protected there i completely accept and forgive and love myself"

"Even tough , that wall is there to keep me safe and protected, I would like to see whats on the other side.Who knows maybe I like it.But in any way, I completely love and accept and forgive myself"

I would start with something like this, and see if after that I am able to visualize myself breaking that wall down and see and feel the freedom on the other side.What if you could imagen the nice and beuatifull things on the other ised happening to you? Can you feel it, to be without fear?

Can you see how you walk around there on the other side.

Try to feel the emotion, smell it, hear it.make it as strong as you can.

Now hold that feeling strongly in your hand and tap this in .

" That feeling, I want to keep and take with me, it is good for me.It allows me to enjoy life, to be free and I accept myself , completely, love muself completely and profoundely.Thank you for having this now"

I hope this can help you a bit.

Also when you tap on yurself , try to listen to waht yur subconsious is giving you from information.A lot of times just words come into your mind or frases.Dont ignore them, go with them , they can lead you to the core isues .You body is not your enemy but your alley against getting sick.Respect whatit wants to say you and you will receive the information you need to work with.

Re: Inner Child Work

Carna — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 03:42:54 GMT

Hello TZ

I do a lot of inner child (and inner baby) work, and I agree with Deborah: Above all, these parts of us need to be given a voice, they need to speak their truth, they need to be listened to. THEN integration should happen, unification of the emotional body. I am not in favor of carrying around "my 2 year old, my 11 year old, my 16 year old"... forever, it leads to fragmentaion. All of this is an organic, individual process without agenda. Carna

Carna
http://www.missingmother.com

Re: Feeling stuck on weight issue

SkyWatcher — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 15:08:19 GMT

Yay!!!!

Way to go! You are really getting somewhere.

I shared my response on Twitter, and someone got really upset. She felt wanted to know if I had mentioned the fact that there may be some health implications that have to do with you wanting sugar int he morning--like you may be hypoglycemic. Just a note, if your craving for sugar continues, you may want to see a physician.

Of course, part of you wants to rebel if you are thinking about a diet. Did you know you don't have to diet? You keep clearing away these old stories that are no longer serving you, and become AWARE:

around food
of your body
of your emotions

Then the struggle ends. You aren't good for being on a diet, and bad when you go off. You get in touch with the foods you eat and how your being IS with that food. You find ways to express JOY in your life--besides EATING.

I'm happy for you! You are getting the hang of using EFT for Weight Control!

I appreciate you keeping me in the loop.

Re: Feeling stuck on weight issue

SkyWatcher — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 17:34:33 GMT

Hi,

Congratulations on the work you have done so far. Remember that how long it took you to get in the situation you are in. So, be kind with yourself. You really are doing well & you have always done the best that you could have done.

Have you tapped on your feelings about still wanting sugary things? Get in touch with your feelings about wanting sugar:

disappointment
anger
upset
entitled
ask you inner child how she feels

See if you can remember any "movies" about sweets from your past--go back as far as possible. If you feel a charge about that event--tap on it. If you can't remember, you can make a story up and tap on that.

What does sugar equal for you? What will you do without it? <--tappable

Remember to see if you can find humor in your situation. Any time you can make yourself laugh about your situation--it helps move the energy.

Use any of these ideas as a springboard to go deep into you subconscious mind-no matter how weird, childish or off-the-wall it may seem.

Please let me know how it goes.

Knowing you are doing it,

JoAnn

Re: Feeling stuck on weight issue

SkyWatcher — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 15:57:09 GMT

Hello,

I would suggest going easy on yourself. I know the frustration that can happen when things don't go the way you want.

My sense is that your inner child is rebelling. She is upset that you are trying to take something away from her that she loves. You can address your inner child, if you think this could be a possibility.

Some set-up phrases could be Even though:

there is a part of me that knows sugar isn't good for me, there is another part of me that feels like I can't live without sugar, and I deeply and completely love and accept that part of me.
my little girl (you may want to use the name you were called when you were a little girl) loves sugar...
there is no way in hell that you are going to take sugar away from me...
you can't take sugar away from me...
you can't take sugar away from me because sugar represents (you get to fill in the blank with what sugar means to you: reward; love; joy; fun, sweetness of life or?)

When the intensity of your struggle to let of sweets gets down to around a 3, you can use Dr Carrington's choices method

I choose to stop eating sugar
no I don't--I love sugar--you can't make me
I choose to let go of sugar
no I don't--I love sugar
ok, how about a compromise? How about I'll only have some sugar once a week?
that's a little better. i'm ok with twice a week

You want your inner child to feel heard. Listen to what comes in your head & use whatever comes up. If your inner child feels like you are trying to control her she may sabotage your efforts. You want to get her on your side.

Laughing really helps to move the energy. If this made you chuckle-Yay!!!

Something I have noticed in working with women with weight issues is many times they don't have much JOY in their lives. However, they get JOY from eating--especially sweets. If they give up their favorite foods or sugar they may feel they won't have anything to look forward to. It is important to heal ones relationship with food. Find other ways to have JOY in one's life besides eating.In my opinion, true JOY is internal and goes back to loving oneself.

These are a few of my thoughts. Hope that something here triggers a thought or feeling within yourself which will help you get what you want.

Love and Light,

JoAnn

Re: Feeling disconnected from myself after successful EFT

judieregler@btinternet.com — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 15:01:02 GMT

Whow!

Well done! I have "lived" in the reverse of what you have done. I have experienced what you are saying from aged 23 to now (57!!!) All I can say is do not investigate anything anymore - just enjoy "the space you are in!"

I was surprised today to find anyone whom had suffered this DP/DR and I have also trained in EFT to Level 2 - I have posted an answer to a guy called Ted who seems to still be suffering. I am rather loathe to refer you to it because I just suggest you continue to enjoy "your new space"

What you have been suffering is Depersonalisation and/or Derealisation - and thank goodness it was only for a short while.

I do not know if my post will be accepted but you are welcome to contact me on email: judieregler@btinternet.com

Kind regards

Judie

Re: EFT for feelings of derealization and depersonalization...

judieregler@btinternet.com — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 14:49:05 GMT

Hello Ted - This is very curious - I have suffered DP/DR since about 1975 - I am now 57 - I agree it is (as I call "a living death!") I have worked with the Maudsley hospital in drug trials to no avail. I have sought many alternative therapies even Shamanic journeying and EFT and Neurolinguistic programming. I think I am a little better than I was early on but as you say it is "the anxiety" of what is happening - have I died - why can I not connect with all my friends/family, I am just an observer to life. I first got DP and then it went onto DR as well. Even looking at a sign post which was for my home town looked so unfamiliar and unreal I am sure you know.

My attempts with the medical profession have resulted in two suicide attempts (drug induced), two episodes of psychosis and 12 rounds of electric shock treatment. I know (on looking back) they were only trying to help but I now realise (sorry for the pun!) derealise! that I was merely a guinea pig.

Shamanism looks at "Soul Loss" and this is what I think DP may be? When a trauma occurs part of the soul leaves because it cannot cope with it so leaves to enable to person to survive. I have had two soul retreivals and shortly after did feel better but it did not last.

EFT - I am qualified to level 2 and I cannot understand why I have not tried it on myself - having read your site and the messages from others I will try. But I wonder if "secondary gain" maybe comes into play - I say this because the only "remedy" I have found is alcohol. I hate myself because I drink every night and make the excuse that it is because I have had such a "shitty day" 'PRETENDING TO EVERYONE THAT I AM FINE AND ENJOYING EVERYTHING .. BUT I GUESS YOU KNOW THAT LIE TOO- This is also very exhausting I think although now I am unable to "feel my own SELF/body and even the lack of energy - something just drives me forward - people think I am fine?

I think the worst thing is that I have owned my horse for 15 years (my husband died the year after I bought him) I obviously love him so much because he has helped me and supported me - even down to just being a reason to get up in the morning but I DO NOT FEEL this affection for him. He must know it is there and the only time I get close to "getting close" to this affection I just burst into tears!

Comment from any other EFT -ers would be appreciated here

NLP - not really any help because again the "connections" (brain wise) are not made?

My only recommendation (apart fromt he alcohol) and really when you think about it - now at my age it is quality rather than quantity of life and having to drop all the "pressures and personal constructs" society has put on us all - is

Please visit www.hearthealing.ca This will introduce you to Jill and Joe - She is an extremely talented lady and psychic beyond all psychics - she can see all the energetic bodies around a person. She sees that back in 1970's my heart was responsible for closing my body down (as in DP/DR because if it had not then I would be dead - overwork, etc. telling myself that my marriage was great (not!). Also I fell from my horse when aged 12 and was in coma (this goes back to the Shamanic training I have done) and part of the soul leaves to cope. She has written a book explaining just how the heart field is far greater than the brain and explains how to swap thinking for feeling!!! I have been fortunate to go on 3 of her workshops - I should not (that is another message in my brain from parents!) have done that because I could not afford to do it but somehow my heart has told me to go - this is how I have learned so much - if only (another rubbish two words) I could have known this 30 years ago!

So I would only encourage you to go if you can afford it - She has one in Glastonbury (which I would love to attend) but I am on benefits and cannot - If you have the funds please enrol because you will learn so much (not necessarily about DP/DR but about yourself. Also she is able to read your energies and will tell you just what she sees and Joe will tell you just what he feels - he is clairsentient and also a brilliant reflexologist. The course only attracts lovely people

I now realise that despite the many theories they are perhaps "the same" and my main problem has always been that I have tried (as I think you have done is to look back as to what "caused it!". I think the main thing is to FORGET that totally because one will never know and just like putting labels on illnesses does it matter. The way forward is to get better. There is only the NOW - past has gone and who knows we could be dead tomorrow. This is where DP/DR is so cruel because I think it does not permit one to be "in the moment" - when discussed and described to others they are unable to understand. I am the first to admit that I would have just said to someone "pull yourself together and get on with your life" had it not happened to myself.

The only upsides of DP are I think - maybe making me a more understanding person but then that is just false because (as above) I am not there to appreciate it. Memory only!!!!! Jill has picked up my "thinking powers" and that they are not good - The Heart serves you far better than the brain - please read her book - it is amazing and illuminating and try to get to the workshops - on workshop one everyone noticed how I changed during the 5 days - Jill is able to "up the energies" by linking all the participants' hearts together and on day two I went out and saw "a real tree"

I think you will appreciate what I mean?!

I will close now and hope:

a) You have recovered

b) Talking is good and it would be good to correspond - my email is judieregler@btinternet.com I live in Lincolnshire England

Best wishes

Judie

Re: Umm. I can't really connect to myself - any ideas??

florelly — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 23:39:34 GMT

Gill, thanks for so useful a reply. i just couldn't find the thread. How does on use the code/link you wrote as I'd like to access the article. Are you talking about sort of making up a story/video so it might trigger some memories or something to tap on? I'm really stuck with this one at the mo. I did some of Rue Hass's work on question-asking and I felt sleepy but no ideas or thoughts arose. And i tapped on those PR things too, eg, worth/safety/gain etc. Sleepy for me isn't avoidance I think it's my body/mind releasing some tension without naming a specific event. Feels sort of relaxing too but I can't hold my focus so well in that state! I'm frustrated with myself not my inner child/ren and I just don't feel trusting of going to another EFT person. this one even quoted me her fee and then said that she thought that as she was a master now she ought to raise it-----because she had no problems with abundance...........i wanted to suggest that £50 was quite enough for an hours' work, especially when the technique is free to begin with. Just a few judgements of mine creeping in there! anyway, I will keep plugging away. I do KNOW that this stuff works and that one CAN do a lot oneself but I am beginning to feel that I'm missing the main point, the core issues if you will. I'm sure the disociation concerns my adoption and subsequent relationship with my folks but even the childhood memories i do have have no concrete feelings associated with them. i can see the scenes and hear the words but there's no impact. Just a litltle sad feeling which i tap on too..... The issues or situations just seem to elude me, and i know myself really well now! Or i think i do anyway. And i'm always looking for any little tricks I might be pulling..... thank you for your kind suggestions and I look forward to your answer, when you have a mo. Love florelly

Re: Small breasts are ruining my life...

Fabienne — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 16:49:45 GMT

Hello Linn,

This is a good stepping stone, maybe we can explore a few tapping ideas. A good idea would be to have a chat with your child part/teenager part.

Use these dieas with an acceptance phrase of your choice; Even though....or especially because..............I deeply love accept the whole of me.

- I would rather be a boy....

- I am scared to see my body change

- I would feel safer not changing

- breasts are scary

- it is easier to be a boy...because....

- I would not know what to do with my body....

- I might be exposed sexually ...../

- I might have to behave differently such as......

This is a letter from Jo Hainsworth Newsletter about communicating with inner child:

Dialoguing with your Inner Child Note: This article includes use of inner child healing, and I know that some people are quite uncomfortable with the concept of working with the inner child - it just seems too weird or suggests that we have a mental illness because we have one part of us talking to another. I have found over the years that using the concept of the inner child is in fact very supportive. It is basically a way to separate from feelings that are too big to be able to process if we are caught up in them. The inner child is a metaphor for a part of us holding the emotions so that we can look at that part with our adult self and find a way to bring it kindness and compassion and help it to heal. When we are engulfed in an emotion, there is not the distance required to see it objectively and find the resources that we need to heal it. Using the metaphor of the inner child makes this much easier. Having recently embarked on a more structured programme of healing with my inner child, I’ve found some different ways of accessing earlier memories and events that I can benefit from tapping on. This article addresses one way of working with the teenage energy inside us that has things to say that have for too long been unsaid. One night I sat down to do some healing and just wasn’t sure how to get started. So I decided to sit at my computer and write a question, and see whether I could enter a “dialogue” via typing with my inner teenager (she was very proud of having been the only one in her class who learnt to touch type in a year, so I figured that she might be more interested in communicating via the keyboard!) I started by typing: Is there anyone inside who would like to write something you were never able to say to someone in our life? What resulted from this simple question was amazing. 15 year old Joanne (as I was known as back then) was really angry at me for not listening to her and when she discovered through my replies in our dialogue that I wasn’t going to get angry back at her and simply wanted to listen, she had a lot to say. In the course of our written dialogue several specific memories came to mind that resulted in tears and us tapping together with EFT – memories long forgotten or tucked away in the back of my mind that I hadn’t ever thought about tapping on that in actual fact seemed to be very highly charged. Through the tapping I was able to address her questions of why things happened the way they did, or why someone responded to her in the way they did. Over the course of the session she went from a very angry teenager to one who really grew in understanding. Near the end of our time chatting and tapping together she started seeing specific events in a totally different light, and helped me to realise how I could see some events from a much wider perspective now. If you feel that there is more healing to be done with your inner child but you are struggling to connect with him/her in your healing, consider thinking about how he or she might feel most comfortable communicating with you. Where I used typing because I felt my inner teenager was proud of her ability to type quickly, you might remember being really into drawing or some other form of expressing yourself as a teenager. When I am working with my toddler or young inner child I instead sit with some pencils and a specially chosen book (I took my inner child shopping one day and she chose a book very different to what I would have chosen!) that has no lines on the pages. I put a pencil in my left hand (I’m right handed) and that enables me to access my younger self – at the time where expressing myself through writing or drawing was more difficult. I never cease to be amazed by what I end up writing or drawing. Use something like this to enter a dialogue with your earlier self and you may find yourself discovering specific events that you can work on that you have long forgotten or not thought worthy of spending time on, or being able to answer questions that you longed to have answers to when you were a child but never did. This sort of work can be incredibly enriching and really helps to build a much better relationship with your earlier selves, paving the way for some wonderful healing. If you decide to embark on some sort of dialogue with your inner child, it is important to develop skills that will enable you to truly hear what he or she is saying, without getting angry or stopping the flow once they start talking. Taking a little time to learn and practice Empathic Listening can be really helpful for all of our relationships – both those with other people in our lives and our relationship with our younger selves. For an excellent article on Empathic Listening, click here. Remember when you first start dialoguing with an inner child that they may have felt unheard for many years and it may take some seriously listening without interrupting on your part to help them establish enough trust in you to really tell you the core issues. Empathic listening, reflecting back the key content of what they are saying, can really assist this process. If you are serious about learning more about communicating with the hurting parts inside you (and the people around you), I highly recommend “NonViolent Communication: A Language of Life” by Marshall Rosenberg. You can read the first chapter of this book here. You can also download a free 35 page instruction guide on NVC from here. When we are having unresolved feelings from the past triggered it can be very difficult to remember to apply what we have learnt about communicating so I recommend using EFT or another method to clear the triggers to your communication issues as you learn a method like NVC, so that you can really apply what you are learning in your communication, both within yourself and with those around you. When confronted with an angry person in your life, or an angry inner teenager who is expressing him/herself for the first time in a long time, it’s much easier not to take things personally and get overwhelmed by what we are hearing if we have taken some time to build our communication skills. And I’ve found it works the other way too – as I listen more to my inner child and help her to understand that I can hear her and she can rely on me, she seems less likely to hijack me and have me act out and be triggered by someone else’s anger or hurt. Hope this helps.Best wishes Fabienne