Search results matching tag 'caregivers'

Re: Caregiving Job Anxiety

RebeccaJ — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 01:52:33 GMT

Thanks, Harry. Although it was rough going to begin with, once I accepted the fact that I could not change her, I could only change my reaction to her, things have been getting progressively better.When she starts to get to me, I remind myself of what Gill said, "She's only doing the best she can."

I've thought often how EFT might help her, but I doubt that she'd be open to it. I talked about natural healing in general to see what she thought of those sorts of things, and she seems to be more of the "I'll have to ask my doctor what he thinks" type.

Re: Caregiving Job Anxiety

RebeccaJ — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 01:55:28 GMT

Thanks for your input, Gill.

Actually this woman can do EVERYTHING for herself. Truth be told, she has no 'caregiving' needs. She is more about nerves and anxiety and has become pretty much emotionally paralyzed to make ANY decisions for herself. All she does is worry. So I sympathize with her, but I can't let her behaviors mess with my peace of mind, which is why setting boundaries makes good sense.

I have always treated my clients with respect and patience, and all I ask is that they treat me the same way, which is why it upsets me when I come upon one who doesn't feel the need to reciprocate. Besides, if I can't treat them with respect and patience, I'm in the wrong job;)

Re: Caregiving Job Anxiety

RebeccaJ — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 01:14:52 GMT

Thanks so much, Mildred. I quickly realized she is getting my goat because she's JUST. LIKE. MY. MOTHER. who I only "get along with" by avoiding for long periods of time and seeing for short periods of time.

Sigh:(

I think a lot of this goes back to me not being capable of defending myself, which is something I'm working on, but I appreciate your tapping statements.

Caregiving Job Anxiety

RebeccaJ — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 04:16:52 GMT

I'm currently working as a caregiver for a woman who is very controlling and argumentative. It's causing me a LOT of anxiety, but I feel I'm not in a position to quit the job because off finances. From the beginning she made it clear she didn't want me there, but her family feels she can't be alone. It bothers me so much because I know I'm not appreciated and she's resenting every penny she has to pay me.

I've tried tapping on the anxiety, and it helped a little, but not much. I also tapped on unworthiness because she made a statement along the lines of "this is not worth what I'm paying you," and that's when my anxiety really kicked in. Again, it only helped a little. I'm replaying negative comments she's made in my head and I hate that I'm doing this.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Re: Helping my husband with ADHD as a surrogate with permission

Sylvia S Ross — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 13:41:52 GMT

Hi Rosemarie

It is usually helpful, to start with tapping on your feelings and frustrations about a problem,

so let's start there.

"Even though, my husband has severe ADHD, I love, accept and forgive him and myself!"

"Even though, his condition is causing much tension in the household, I love, accept and forgive

both of us!"

"Even though, I am committed to make our relationship work, this problem makes me feel

__________________, ____________________, ____________________ & ____________________, I

love, accept & forgive..........................! (list out all feelings)"

Maybe.........................."Even though, I can't stand the mess, he makes!" :~)

Try tapping on a stuffed animal, there isn't a concrete rule about this, that I know of, but, my gut says

this might be helpful!

What kind of projects are started and not finished? Does he have a "space" of his own?

There are specific foods that influence ADD/ADHD. Sugar, wheat products, gluten are on the list. Sugar

seems to add the H to ADD.

In my research for ADD/ADHD I found a couple of explainations/examples/stories. One was a list of

positives about ADD or multi-tasking if I can find it, I will post. The other one was (child example), they work better

with a multiple list of tasks, than just a single request. Again, I will look for the file!

But, as a multi-tasking :~) person, years ago, I would pick one single project to complete, and got much

less done in a week, than if I was working on four or five.

There are others that have replied that are experts in the ADD/ADHD field maybe they can expand on this!

Blessings,

Sylvia

Re: ongoing situations ~ an update

Sylvia S Ross — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 22:07:20 GMT

Goodmorning Fingertapper!

Thank you for sharing, your positive results and PR Statement with your choice statement "I choose to leave things in God's hands and trust this will all work out!"

Thank you also for sharing all your heartfelt feelings that have to be common to many in your position at one point or another. I worked out some PR Statements if you would like to use them and also to add to the original list started.

Our love and prayers go out to you & your husband.

Blessings,

Sylvia

1. "Even though, I have this tremendous fear of life without my loved one & it is almost a panic state, I ....................................................... & I choose to leave things in God's hands and trust this will all work out."

2. "Even though, there is also part of me looking forward to the ending, too, I ..............................!"

3. "Even though, all these mixed feelings are so contradictory and scary to deal with on my own, I .....................

4. "Even though these feelings, are so overwhelming at times, like there is nowhere to go, no where to be, I completely.......................& choose to ...........................!"

5. "Even though, it is impossible to make plans, because of all the unknowns, and I am forced to " live in the moment", whether I want to or not, and there is a certain resistance & resentment to this and sometimes it _________________, good advice or not!"

6. "Even though, I don't exactly feel like I have to control everything, I do feel like a circus act when the clown has plates spinning on top of sticks, I completely...................... & I choose to leave things in God's hands and trust this will all work out."

7. "Even though, I have this feeling from past experience that as soon as I stop paying attention or let my guard down, everything is going to come crashing down and it will be my fault, for not doing enough, being enough, I .............................................& I choose to leave things in God's hands and trust this will all work out even though it is hard sometimes to do that."

8. "Even though, I'm beginning to grow really tired of how my/our life/lives are so defined by my ______________________ disabilities/illness, it limits and dictates everything we do and don't do, I completely..........................................!"

9. "Even though, I feel like I'm always just one crisis away from burn-out, and while it hasn't happened yet, there is this "huge" fear that it is just around the bend, I completely ............................, and choose to be glad for ____________________ and figure out the next step!"

Re: The Caregiver's Manual

Sangeeta — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 06:33:29 GMT

Hello Soobie,

I empathize with your post, as I have been through similar phases myself. I know how much effort it takes to keep working on yourself, so I applaud your strength and persistence. Sylvia and Marie's posts are so warm, useful and supportive, that I am sure not only you, but the many others who read this thread are encouraged to continue working on their challenges.

Your statement " I was responsible for becoming depressed because I was always looking at the bright side and I suppressed my negative feelings." caught my attention.

Caregivers frequently lack the strength, energy and time to allow themselves the liberty of fully experiencing and venting their own emotions. Perhaps the following set up statements would be helpful:

"Even though I have been suppressing all my negative feelings, I give myself permission to acknowledge my sadness now"

"Even though I have been too scared to accept the depth of my sadness and fears, I am safe and can cope now"

"Even though I have been pretending to be happy, it is safe to relax and permit myself real happiness."

The Choices Method may be most suitable for the above, that is 3 short-cut rounds for each set up, the first using a negative reminder phrase, the second the positive reminder phrase and the last using alternate negative and positive reminder phrases.

Baerbel Froehlin's article- "Love that about myself" in the latest newsletter is also likely to help.

I know it must look like a huge forest from your perspective, but please keep going "one tree at a time"!

Best Wishes,

Sangeeta

Re: The Caregiver's Manual

Sangeeta — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 12:57:09 GMT

Thank Jasmine,

As I wrote before, I welcome any links to my e-books.

Warm Regards,

Sangeeta

Re: The Caregiver's Manual

Sangeeta — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 12:54:22 GMT

Hello Soobie,

I do hope that my manual gives you some help.

In addition to Sylvia's very useful suggestions, here are a few more:

1. Even if the anxiety seems to go up, please keep tapping. A few more quick rounds usually start having a calming effect, even after an initial upswng in anxiety.

2. I would suggest tapping using "Even though I may have difficulty in believing that something as simple as EFT can actually make a significant improvement in my life, I choose to give EFT a fair chance anyway." After 20 years of your situation, whether consciously or unconsciously, it may be hard to believe that EFT can help in "this particular situation".

3. There are a lot of good suggestions on how to address issues without "going there" in this thread.

4. Though we are supposed to stay focused on EFT in these forums, TAT is demonstrated in the videos, so I hope it is ok to include a little bit on it. I would highly recommend a TAT using something along the lines of:

Step 1 : "Everthing that contributed to my ongoing overwhelmed and grieving state happened"

Step 2 : "All this happened, but it's over now. I am ok and can relax now"

In my experience, TAT and EFT are very complementary and work beautifully together. TAT takes away a lot of the "impact" and EFT clears away remaining, associated or new issues that emerge. This combination is particularly useful in cases involving a specific incident(the accident) and/or grief.

As Sylvia said, do give us feedback. I am sure you will receive a lot of support and suggestions from this caring forum.

Sincere Best Wishes!

Sangeeta

Re: Thanks from me too!

Sylvia S Ross — Sun, 06 Apr 2008 22:13:35 GMT

Hi Carolyn,

You asked or questioned whether anything could be done for your husband's dementia? I searched out some articles to give you some ideas. Also, about surrogating. I have included some connections that may be helpful. EFT has helped so many people, so many ways, the suggestion is to try it on everything and be open to possibilities.

The full article I posted is on the importance of caring for yourself as a caregiver, fitting for group as a whole, also. Applying EFT to your day and each challange, would be very helpful, either first in morning and/or right before you go to bed.

Loving blessings,

Sylvia

http://www.emofree.com/Articles2/dementia.htm

http://www.emofree.com/articles/surrogate-grandmother.htm

http://www.emofree.com/faq/surrogate.htm

http://www.emofree.com/Research/minerals-amino-vitamins.htm

Neck pain relief after finding the emotional core issues.

Hi Everyone,

In recent correspondence with Catherine O'Driscoll, my friend from Scotland, she sent me this important EFT experience. It is one of those cases where conventional healing practitioners had difficulty even labeling the problem. Relieving it, of course, was considered impossible. This is not just an "EFT does it again" story. It goes beyond that by illustrating the following fine points in the "art of delivery."

1. How clients can fool themselves about what the problem really is.

2. How following your instincts (intuition) can often get to the heart of the matter.

3. How hitting the emotional bulls eye (core issues) can provide substantial relief for a severe physical issue--after all else has failed.

Catherine also provides excellent languaging in her eventual SetUp phrasing wherein she let the process roll out of her intuitively. This is a fascinating process that is illustrated in detail in our videotape set known as "Steps toward becoming The Ultimate Therapist."

Gratitude to Catherine and....

Hugs to all, Gary

P.S. Here is a definition of Psychotherapy from over 50 years ago that you might find interesting.

"Psychotherapy is an undefined technique applied to unspecified cases with unpredictable results. For this technique, rigorous training is required." Raimy (1950)

by Catherine O'Driscoll

Hi Gary,

Glen is a true gentleman who came to me with his head hanging forward, in absolute pain. He has been wearing a neck collar for three months now. His doctor referred him to a specialist and the specialist referred him to another specialist. A physiotherapist was involved. Eventually, Glen took himself to a chiropractor.

No-one was sure what was wrong with Glen. CAT scans were next. They hadn't seen anything like this before. The chiropractor said the closest description of his condition was a thing called 'drop neck' which horses suffer. The physiotherapist had been looking in all her medical books. She thought it might be a condition called Dystonia.

Dystonia is an incurable neurological condition. The specialist was talking about an operation - an operation that is chancy at best. It could go horribly wrong.

Glen was terrified that he might have to stop working. He had no idea how he would pay his bills if this condition couldn't be cured. He was terrified that he would never get better.

We tapped on this: "Even though I might never get better . . ." "Even though I might not be able to work..."

Throughout the hour-long consultation, we measured Glen's neck pain on a 0-10 scale. It stayed up there at 10 throughout.

Now, I knew darned well that Glen didn't have an incurable condition. To me, he was suffering from stress. I knew this because Glen is my brother-in-law, and I've watched him cope with tremendous obstacles over the last few years. At last I had him in my treatment room - he lives in England and I live in Scotland, so I was determined to help Glen recover while he was here.

Here are just some of the obvious stress issues involved.

1. Glen and his wife (my sister) Leslie are great animal lovers. To them, their dogs are their children. Three of their dogs died last year, and their grief was huge.

2. Our father has been suffering from dementia for the last three years, too. He's been living in a home and my sisters and their husbands have been visiting him every day, staying for hours and coping with a man who they remember as someone very special, but who was now throwing furniture at them, and raving, or crying, or singing, or pacing up and down. They've been going through terrible emotional turmoil, watching my father suffer.

3. Leslie and Glen have also been coping with Glen's mother who also has dementia, and her sister who has had several strokes. Glen and Les had to fly to Ireland and attend to their affairs, selling the family home and auctioning off their possessions to pay for nursing care. Glen has been travelling to and from Ireland every two months to attend to his mother and aunt's needs. This means that Glen has no holiday allocation left.

4. And then Leslie came down with clinical depression, leaving Glen to take the burden of it all. She's getting better now - but that's another EFT story.

So Glen and I sat in my treatment room and discussed all that has been happening. I asked Glen if he felt that life was a bit of a burden and if he sometimes resented what was happening. I asked if he felt unsupported. "No," he said. "I'm just glad that I'm there to help my mother. I'm glad that I can help Les through her depression. It's great to be there for your dad."

Now, it comes in handy sometimes to be a selfish sort of a person - someone (like me) who would moan like mad if I had all the responsibilities Glen had. It didn't make sense to me that Glen didn't mind just a little bit. He told me that he had had a fabulous childhood. He said he really felt a lot of guilt about joining the RAF and gadding about and leaving his mum alone when he was a young man. He was glad to make it up to her now.

We tapped on all sorts of things relating to Glen's neck pain. The pain itself, the fear surrounding the pain, the incurable diagnosis. The pain level stayed at 10.

And then, almost despairing, I decided to go for broke. Tapping his karate chop point, Glen repeated after me (whether he agreed or resonated with what I was asking him to say or not):

"Even though I have this incurable neck pain.... And even though I let my mum down when I was younger.... I love myself..... I'm OK.... And even though life is a tremendous burden. And life is a pain in the neck. And I can't fix everything for everyone. And I can't stop people suffering. I'm OK. I accept myself. And even though I can't cope with everything and I feel unsupported.... I matter.... And I thank my body for giving me this gift.... For telling me I have to stop and think of me too.... And even though I can't fix everything.... I'm a good boy...."

At which point, Glen burst out laughing and his neck pain lifted. We walked into the garden giggling like little children, with sparks of light flying around us.

The next day, Glen had no need of his neck collar.

He and Leslie tapped on it again last night, and Glen felt further relief. He knows now that he will be able to continue working. He knows that there's no need for a dangerous operation. He knows that his body was giving him a precious gift: the knowledge that he also has to be on his list of people who matter. Like Leslie's depression, Glen's body was saying, 'enough' - and it made him listen.

I shudder to think what would have happened to Glen had EFT not been there for him. He won't stop helping his loved-ones, but he's going to start helping himself as well.

Love Catherine