Search results matching tag 'abandonment'

Re: Angry husband refuses to forgive me...

Prathi — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 03:31:48 GMT

Dear ScientistGeorge and other EFT'ians,

I am quite blown away by Ros' situation. She is lucky that her husband stuck around her inspite of all the issues.Unfortunately, I have somewhat similar issues but my husband has neither forgiven and also has applied for divorce. I believe in my heart of hearts that we can make the marriage work. And whatever I am trying to do to make it work is completely from my side, like many have commented here. Ros' case has given a new hope to me. When I saw your words for tapping I liked them. I am new to EFT in a way & see it as my last hope. I am working on various emotional & physical issues this situation has brought about

My questions are:

1. Do we use your tapping words only on the KC point?

2. What words are to be used while tapping on the rest of the points?

3. I also would like to have some guidance on how to go about surrogate tapping.

4. I have blurred vision due to the stress caused by the situation and on top of it, I have uterine fibroids which fortunately are not causing any problem to me. I didn't even know they were there till they were discovered during a off-hand check-up and one of them is nearly 10cm big. Even now I don't have any indication of their presence.

5. There was a miscarriage as well which in itself was a very painful experience for me. I just love kids. I am unable to let go of my baby's memory. Too emotional.

6. How to do tapping to forgive myself & others? I know that I need to forgive all those who have hurt me immensely. But sometimes I can, sometimes I I just cannot. It tears me apart to forgive them for all the injustice they have done to me.

I am grateful for your guidance and support.

Thanks for listening.

God bless u.

Fear of being by myself

shesaldy — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 01:56:33 GMT

I started having fear of being alone back in 1989 and still can't be alone from this terrible fear. Does anyone have this besides me? It's so hard because I always have to have someone at home with me and everywhere I go. I am 43 years old now and this is just terrible, I feel like a child. I have tired EFT but it doesn't seem to help. I am bad about sticking to things but if I would at least see some results I might continue. I also can not go into large buldings and can not go far from my home or vehicle. I guess these are my "safe places". I HATE this and want a normal life again. If anyone knows what I can do please help me.

Re: Umm. I can't really connect to myself - any ideas??

florelly — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 14:17:35 GMT

hi Bodhileaf and Gill and friends. back again 6 months later. Still tapping away on the old subject. very little seems to have changed that I can see or feel. I'm marginally less "dead" feeling than i was but it really is marginal. what HAS happened is that i now feel I feelingly understand the condition of disassociation from the inside. the present me can look inside and go "oh, I see that there's no real feeling about that there" and then i'll tap on that no-feeling feeling - many thanks for that whichever one of you lovely folks pointed that out. Anyway, i revisited our correspondence today, looking for more clues and suggestions and did even more of them! what i got was something I've often experienced before. i don't do my usual big-shift yawns and windy things (oops) but this incredible sleepiness comes over me. sometimes I can keep enough focus to tap and sometimes not. I'm GUESSING that it's a release thingy but it can be hard to tap away and I rarely feel other than slightly (very slightly) sort of expanded mindwise. I realise that I've held an enormous amount of mental tension during my life which was almost invisible til a couple of years ago, and that that, rather than my feelings and needs, was the pressure behind all my actions..........it's a big journey huh? and finally; I did go and see a local big gun EFT-wise and I had SUCH a disappointing time. She was perfectly competent but I felt she didn't really "get" me at all. I was hoping for new approaches and rapport but left feeling rather empty. I could feel her energy-stuff (which she also does) around me but i' still after some very significant shifts. I realise it can take ages but my inner children really don't want to dialogue - even when i tap on "e t little baby me doesn't want to etc etc" just breathe more deeply and little else. And I want to add that I'm a master (!) at finding and hunting out the most minute and subtle of responses once I'm aware they could be there. So here I am, back again, asking for your kind advice and feeling somewhat despondent and low. It's just been SO many years now and I just want to feel and BE ME!!! thanks for listening. love F

I am working on myself and need guidance with hurt and angry inner child

fndtn357 — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 18:39:24 GMT

Recently I went through a relationship breakup that was more traumatizing than I expected. It is apparent that on many levels that this was past trauma in my life, specifically abandonment issues. I am using the EFT handbook and trying to get rid of the angry flare-ups and crying jags that erupt when I think about her or "us". I initially wrote to a practitioner and he recommended that I post these questions here in the forums. I wrote: "I have a script that I have devised for working with my inner child. The inner child is both very hurt and very angry. Should I use the script exclusively with hurt first and then the anger? Should I use the script with just hurt or anger? Is it okay to use both of these in one script? For me they are tied so strongly together since I can't even remember when. My reaction to any hurt is immediate anger. Maybe it would be good to just work with anger afterward as well, because of that fact." (I did not include the script in these conversations with this practitioner) He wrote: "I always recommend working with what feels most present - and sometimes it's the two emotions mixed together. Have you isolated how each emotion feels in your body? You many want to start there. You may need to go back and forth between hurt and anger for some time, trusting the visuals that come up and gently 'following the trail'. It just occurred to me that you may want to post this on the EFT Forums to get a wider variety of feedback. I know you'll find your own way - trust that what feels most accessible (hurt or anger or both) is where you need to be. You can't be anywhere else but where you are with this - make peace with that - then be on the lookout for new information from you, 'allowing' your body to talk to you." I wrote: "I can isolate how each emotion manifests in my body. The hurt is present in a tightening in the bottom of my throat area and my lower intestines. The anger manifests on my fontanelle area and my temples. What does that information mean in terms of approaching it with EFT?" I am starting to understand 'following the trail' and I did search this forum and found a section on s-l-o-w EFT that could be helpful too. Here is the script I wanted to apply: KC: even though my little boy is very hurt KC: and he's allowed to feel that KC: because something really bad happened to him KC: i deeply and completely love and accept him KC: and i respect his feelings KC: even though he is really hurt and really angry KC: i love and accept him no matter what KC: event though he is so angry and hurt KC: and he is justified in being angry to protect himself KC: i am open to the possibility KC: that was then KC: and this is now KC: and he's a grown up now KC: and maybe he can learn to respond in a different way EB: really really angry and hurt SE: my little boy is very hurt and angry UE: and that's okay UN: he's allowed to do that CH: maybe CB: and I'd like to let hi know that he doesn't have to work quite so hard to let me know how hurt and angry he is UA: i wonder what it would be like to releadse all this hurt and anger Top of the Head: maybe i can move forward now I have also used the free sample that uses EFT for pain bodies from missingmother.com to good immediate success with overwhelming pain and despair. I am open to other practitioner's experience in this area. Thanks, James

Lingering Effects of Early Childhood Stress

Karen Nauman — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 18:19:18 GMT

Hello, I subscribe to Mercola' s newsletter. I am usually too busy to read it all but I attempt to scan the headlines. I certainly don't take all he says as 'law', but sometimes I find some interesting things. Here is the link for great article today. Important information to support and promote EFT as an important tool for recovery to well-being. Karen

Here are some highlights and the link for the entire article:

Early Childhood Stress Can Have a Lingering Effect on Your Health

Children are indeed like little sponges, soaking up nearly everything they hear, see and experience during these formative years. Unfortunately, if children are raised in a stressful environment, the emotional trauma can cause physical changes that impact them for the rest of their lives.

In my experience with patients, the vast majority have medical problems related to previous emotional stress. And for the serious illnesses, most of the time, the trauma went all the way back to their childhood.

What was very consistent though is that nearly everyone was in denial that their previous emotional wounding could have any influence at all on their current health. They felt they had previously addressed that with therapists or prayer. While that is clearly possible, if they were seeing me for a continued medical problem, it was actually quite rare where the problem had been successfully addressed...

... Unfortunately, you don’t have control over whether your childhood was a happy one. But you do have control over your emotions right now.

Your first instinct to resolve childhood trauma may be to see a conventional psychotherapist, but in my experience, while the therapists clearly mean well, most of the time they are not able to facilitate resolution of the deep wounding.

Doing this requires dealing with your emotions on a deeper energetic level, and actually repairing the damage that’s been done.

There are a number of very effective options out there. In my experience though one of the most common and effective techniques for doing this is called the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT),...

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2009/02/21/Early-Childhood-Stress-Can-Have-a-Lingering-Effect-on-Your-Health.aspx

Re: menstrual pain follow up question

Karen Nauman — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 22:29:34 GMT

Hi Melinderry,

Rather than giving you a few random tapping statements to try during your month away, you may be better off using the time you have before you go to print off a few free ebooks and other resources to bring with you. Then you can learn some actual approaches, organize your thoughts and develop some good tapping routines to tap on the mother issues or anything else you want to work on.

I don’t have time to check back on all of your posts right now to see what people have mentioned to you, but here are two that I suggest you look up and print out (if it resonates with you).

Jo Hainlsworth’s free EFT e-book ‘You can Heal with EFT’ – an amazing resource!
Main page: http://www.selfheal4me.com - check out some of the articles on her site too

Free ebook: http://www.selfheal4me.com/You%20CAN%20Heal%20with%20EFT.pdf

Betty Moore-Haftner: Creative Language with EFT
http://www.creativeeft.com/ (scroll down for the free ebook)

Hopefully others can add to this list.

It will be interesting to hear from you when you get back about your experiences with EFT

Have a great month away! Karen

Re: perfectionism

bodhileaf — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 10:18:59 GMT

Perfectionism is often just a part of a reaction to feeling shamed - and there are so many things that can shame a child. Critical parents is one, but also being required, or feeling that it's your job as a child, to take care of your parents. Any age-inappropriate behaviour can lead to feeling not good enough and then the perpetual cycle of "must do more"& "still not good enough" starts up.Expecting a child of 6 to do what an adult would normally do leaves the child feeling that it is just far too much for them to manage, yet, in order to please someone else, they give it their best shot. They may do it really well for a 6 year old, but somehow they feel they are expected to do it as well as the adult - and of course, they can never match that.

Age-inappropriate behaviour means having to do something that is beyond your physical, mental and emotional age, so an example might be learning to take care of yourself at age 3 because parents cannot, of having to become more 'adult' than the adults because they are frequently drunk or unstable.

I was working with a couple of clients last week on the idea of being just good enough and that we all make choices about where our priorities lie. The critical inner voice is there for a reason, but it often drives a constant feeling of not being safe and unable to relax. The desire to reach perfection is a desire to escape unpleasant feelings of shame and 'not good enough' thinking - I call it the illusion of the Palace of Perfection, because it isn't real and, like palaces in fairy-tales, represents an ideal.

How would you feel if you could be perfect? What would you have then that you feel you cannot have now? How would it feel in your body to live in the Palace of Perfection like a Princess?

What feelings do you have about being good enough? What would it feel like to not do the things you feel driven to do? What can you not accept about yourself? What are you most afraid of if you do not achieve perfection, or make any mistake? How did you feel you would be treated if you didn't 'do it right' as a child? What did you feel you had to do that was maybe not appropriate for a child of your age?

Here's some text from a much longer article on responses to childhood shame (I'm happy to share this with anyone who emails me)

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Defences against shame are for survival only: very shamed kids must learn and experience that they are valuable people who are worthy of love and respect.

Perfectionism (Trying to Be Perfect)

Another way to hide from or ignore shame (a defence against shame) is called perfectionism. A perfectionist hates making mistakes because he thinks mistakes prove that something is very wrong with him as a person. If he fails at just one thing he believes that he is a total failure.

The person who is a perfectionist and defending against his bad and shameful feelings seems to believe only in two different states: perfect or shameful (All or Nothing). This kind of person fights hard against being human because he sees humanness as the same as being a failure. He can't believe that people are all only human and have to make do with whatever our abilities allow us. It is not shameful for anyone, adult or child, to be less than perfect when none of us has a choice in the matter.

As you can see, the perfectionist is in a no-win situation. No matter how smart, how strong or brave, no matter how well she performs, despite all her successes, she never feels more than one step ahead of her shame. She is constantly feeling that other people are watching and noticing any mistake she could make and will then judge her as worthless. Perhaps by working harder or longer than anyone else she will be able to delay her bad feelings for just a little while longer. But she cannot feel comfortable for very long because she does not know how to accept herself as a good, but limited human being.

Re: menstrual pain follow up question

Karen Nauman — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 18:37:17 GMT

Hi Melinderry,

I am just at my computer briefly but if you do feel you have the energy to focus on your 'mother' issues, I wanted to share some info. about Carna Zacharis-Miller who is a specialist in mother abandonment (including emotional abandonment... around physically, but not emotionally or energetically).

You can listen to her interviews below and you should be able to pick up some tapping approaches/statements you can do on your own. I have not read her ebook as of yet, but you may want to think about that for yourself if you are not getting anywhere on your own. I have enjoyed the interviews :) Karen

Here is her site: http://www.missingmother.com/Home.html (scroll down for ebook)

EFT Revealed Interview: http://eft-revealed.com/blog/?s=carna

Jade Barbee/Carna Interview - Blog Talk Radio: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/EmotionalEngine (scroll down to Jan. 25th show)

Re: Parenting choices on medicine for children

SaraZ — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 00:13:54 GMT

Thanks, Deborah!

I just read your article- I appreciate you having that open to the public. I also sifted through your site and it brought up some good ideas.

I had a question about fear: I read that fear tends to have to do with abandonment issues. Do you have any suggestions for successful abandoment scripts for while I was an infant? I feel that my daughter is now starting to show signs of that too (she is throwing temper tantrums at 6 months old whenever I leave the room or leave her with anyone else for even a minute or two). I am thinking that if I succeed in clearing mine then that will help her some too??? <-- your thoughts?

In the meantime, I will tap on some new areas and will see where that takes me. I appreciate your guidance and will most likely be in touch regarding parenting & EFT (it is so nice to have connected with you- most of my girlfriends with kids all believe in Western traditions and thought I was absolutely crazy when I told them I was having a natural, under water homebirth and that we are gearing towards a more natural upbringing for our daughter). Thank you again and wishing you a great weekend!

-Sara

uncertainty and fear doing of new things alone - self sabotage

Anonymous — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 18:45:20 GMT

Hello

I would like some opinions on how to work on myself with the above problems

I use eft on myself for various things and love it but I kind of dont know where to start with this one

I am fine going to new places and doing new things if I'm with another person or a group but if I have to go someone where alone it terrifies me and I worry about it a lot I will stop myself from doing things I want to do even if i've done them multiple times with other people I feel that when i'm alone people are staring at me and that im going to make a mistake and everyone is going to laugh

I went to live in another country with a friend for 4 months but she promptly fell in love with someone when we got there and I spent a lot of time alone to the extent that i missed a lot of meals because i wouldnt go and eat in a restaurant by myself I eventually made some friends but became a little clingy which is not me at all. I have loads of friends in my home time and i have a close family but I still wont do things here if i have to do them alone.

When I was living in another country I loved it so much I didnt miss my hometown at all not even for a day even though I was lonely sometimes it is a fabulous place and so friendly and welcoming people which makes me feel worst about all the panic and fear i felt about doing things alone

I am petrified i will not go back if i have to go alone and i would love to go back there so much but the fear of having to go on a plane by myself gives me nightmares the fear i feel about out of the airport into the city there is almost paralyzing

when i was there I wanted to do different things and go to different places for a few days but i didnt because my fear physically stopped me

my friend did use to ridicule me that i was stupid for not want to get on a boat to go to the next island by myself or go anywhere else

I feel great when i was with my friends there but when i thought of actually travelling away alone i felt like i was very conspicious and like i had a big sign stuck to my head that made me stand out i feel like there is a pressure force all around me if that makes sense to anyone

I would love anyones advice of where to start maybe or any opinions

thanks