Search results matching tag 'Self sabotage'

Re: Still stuck on one more bad habit. Advice?

SkyWatcher — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 19:40:36 GMT

Hi Tabris,

Congratulations on your success w/EFT so far!!!!

Some questions that you may want to ask yourself after you have done a few rounds of tapping:

What is the payoff for me to binge on chocolate?
Why do I need to stuff myself?
What is the payoff for me stuffing myself?
What memories to I have with chocolate or cookies that are coming up for me from when I was a child?

You use the information that you get from answering the above questions. EFT can help you with the CONFLICT that you have. A part of you is in control and another part is not. Here are some set-up phrases that might work. Even though:

a part of me is in control, there is another part of me that isn't interested in being in control. Just give me cookies and chocolate and no one will get hurt. I love and accept the part of me that doesn't want to give up my goodies.
my treats are the most important part of life for a part of me, and I haven't been willing to let my treats go. I love and accept that part of me.
I don't think I can live without my treats or at least a part of me feels that way. I accept that part of me.
there is a part of me that is sabotaging my efforts to eat right...

I just thought of "cookie monster" as a reminder phrase. My take on this is that it is your inner child who is responsible. Go easy on her... As you can see, she has a lot of power. I bet you can work out a deal

Hope this helps. Please let me know how it goes. By the way, you may want to consider finding an EFT practitioner who has experience in working with these kind of issues--if you can't figure it out yourself.

In appreciation,

JoAnn

Success & Punishment: tapping on inner dialogue

UHU — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 17:31:57 GMT

Dear EFT users and masters,

I'm fairly new to EFT but I have spent a lot of time in my life working on myself and helping others as well.

A few days ago I started tapping the idea that if I have success I will be punished. I realized through tapping

a lot that this was a major issue for me so I started like this.

KCP

Even though I think that if I have success I will be punished, I completely and deeply love and accept myself

Even though I feel it is not safe to have success,....

Even though I have this idea that my physical safety and well-being will be threatened if I stand out,......

EB

This belief/fear that if I succeed I will be punished....

After one round I started to come in contact with my inner child so I started tapping on the dialogue
that was going on between the adult part of me and the child that was 4 years old and I discovered
a very strong inner conflict between the desire to kill or punish my parents and be an perfect harmless
kind angel that I believed I was at the time.

When I was 4, my parents fought in front of me and I didn't make much difference between my parents and I at the time
so I took the blame for everything. My mom had called me on purpose in the hopes that my father wouldn't
hurt her if I was there as witness. This strategy didn't work and my father started hiting my mom with a table
cloth several times. This is the only event that I remember but it is strong.

What I didn't know is how much I hated my parents for putting me in the middle of all this.
While I was tapping I even said I want to kill them or why did they bring me to life to pour
their hatred inside of me. I don't remember the whole dialog but I felt I could never forgive
them. That they deserved to be punished. I realized then that I decided to be a failure to punish
them out of hatred and resentment. It's a deal I made with myself. The inner child had trouble
letting go of that anger and of that deal. It seemed that the self-inflicted hatred and punishment that the
inner child was keeping alive was also serving as a way to bond with its parents. At that point I had to
stop. It was such a shock to me that I who I believe to be kind and spiritual suffered from this underlying
hatred, resentment and anger for all this years, I became very sick and had to sleep for 3 days in a row.
I kept tapping when I could be awake. I still feel very weak.
I'm in a situation where I can make it happen for me or become bankrupt. I have all the resources, the ideas
but that "secret" deal that caused guilt, shame and self-blame for most of my life has to go.

I'm afraid to let it go as if it was friend, as if it was helping me. I can't accept to imagine myself successful. Ultimately,
I think I'm a bad person who doesn't deserve. It's very hard to let go of that part of me and I'm very scared. I think I used my
anger and my hatred to make me feel safe and protected from physical danger, from harm and injustice. It doesn't work but
my inner child is convinced it does. My father was very judgmental and critized me a lot. He also always kept putting me
in situation where I could never succeed and I felt very humiliated by this. I also used hatred, anger and resentment to
protect me. My hatred almost never got out because I know that ultemately I was born a good an loving person so it
has been extremely painful frustrating and debilitating to walk around with all that hatered and anger.

EFT has clarified all this in less than 3 weeks. I must say though that I did go through therapy for a year and half and
I feel I'm good at being self-aware and I also feel I have very good intuition. Actually, I often feel quite talented but
incapable of succeeding because of an invisible wall that tells me it's not safe and that I'm a bad person and I don't deserve.
Every time I have seen success coming into my life, I have felt sick or sabotaged it.

Can EFT really help me? I have a lot to give to this world. I have felt very frustrated because I never was able to
write books or screenplays or do all the things that truly mattered to me. I feel that I'm not only depriving myself
but the World also of all the good things I can do and give. I came to this world with a strong sense of purpose and love and
I've felt stuck since the age of 4.

Can EFT be so intense often. It really felt like a bomb exploded inside of me when I did the inner child tapping.
I wanted to stop but I didn't because I usually feel relief after a while. I didn't feel relief at all. I just fell out of exhaustion.

Please let me know what you think.

Re: How to get a sabatoger started?

SkyWatcher — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 07:18:07 GMT

Dear Self-Sabatoge Queen,

Welcome to the EFT Forum for Weight Control! You have started down the road to using EFT to get your weight to what you want.

You are much braver that I was when I first was learning about EFT and weight control. I was a co-moderator on the EFT pain site, and I was replying to people's requests about pain. I would peek at what was being said over here in the weight control segment. I was too scared to say anything--about thinking about it--about my fears that it wouldn't work for me... So, I see you as having so much more courage than I--before I was ready and willing to jump off the edge of my fears.

You may want to ask yourself, "If I lose the weight that I say that I want to lose--what is the down side?" Then you could use that to create your set-up phrases. For example, Even though:

I am afraid if I lose weight, there is a part of me that fears I will gain it back, and I deeply and completely love and accept that part of me
there is a part of me that is so ready to do this, and there is another part of me that cannot handle me being successful with this at this time, and I deeply and completely love that part that is so attached to me not being successful at this
I don't really want to do this (it is good to start with this one--brilliant!!!)...

Be gentle with yourself. Love your body as it is NOW. Consider creating set-up phrases about the parts of your body that you find unacceptable the way that they are now. For example, Even though:

I hate my big fat belly, I deeply and completely love that part of myself that dispises my belly
I can't handle how flabby my __________ is, I deeply and completely love accept myself not accepting my flab

Pay attention to your negative self-talk. Especially the mean stuff you may say to yourself. All of this is tappable.

Hope something here helps. Be ready willing to make changes to make it work for you. I feel confident that you can do this, and you so deserve it!!! Persist and you will succeed!!!

Gratefully yours,

JoAnn SkyWatcher

http://wayhealthy.us

coming soon: http://ILoveMyBodyClub.com

sleep issues and self sabotage

Cynthia MC — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 22:13:09 GMT

Hello, I am new posting to this forum. I have been practicing EFT for several months in my practice as a mental health therapist with very good results. I notice that it works less well on one of my own issues than with others. I have studied the first 2 sets of DVD's and worked with over 50 people so far.

I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia and have had very good results tapping on the pain which is pretty much nonexistent now. I have also been diagnosed with a sleeping disorder that consists of lack of adequate REM stage sleep and a circadian rythym disorder. I have tapped on this issue trying many different approaches. I have tapped on the lack of REM and immediately started dreaming more. Still I cannot seem to control my sleep patterns. I tried tapping on circadian rythym disorder, fatigue in the day, trouble getting to sleep, trouble waking up, emotional issues that I think may be contributing, tried tapping with the DVD for borrowed benefits, and many other approaches to try to get some relief. As it is I cannot seem to control my sleep/awake cycles. I would appreciate the advice of you experts out there on how to approach this situation.

Cynthia

Working through it all. Any guidance appreciated :o)

Gracey — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 18:29:52 GMT

Hi EFTers!

This forum is great- it’s wonderful to see so much love & support out there. Hence, I’d like to be a part of it.

I have just started EFT and, to be honest, have found it a bit overwhelming in a way. I’ve been watching videos & reading about it & practicing but it has started to get all a bit too noisy in my head when I think about all of it. I thought if I wrote it all out it would help me. Plus, it may offer anyone interested an opportunity to pass on their guidance– especially if you can pick up on something that I haven’t (particularly you NLP lot).

I am by no means overweight, but I am carrying extra pounds- mostly around my stomach. I’m a bit exasperated by it all now because I feel as though the healthier I try and become, the more weight I put on… & the more obsessed with my weight I am! It drives me nuts that I’m constantly thinking about food (I’m aware of the laws of attraction but sometimes I can’t step off the train of thought).

I used to binge a lot & have since given up junk food/sugar/non-foods. Admittedly, I do have more energy & feel better & find that I don’t actually like the taste of junk foods.. it hasn’t stopped me from overeating though & I have just transferred my sugar addiction to a “healthy food” addiction. It’s to the point now where I feel like anything I eat will make me fat. I can’t just eat a meal any more… I analyse it every time.

So, I realized that I needed to figure out what was holding me back. So far I have come up with the following:

I don’t want to lose weight because I wouldn’t know what to do with myself; I’m scared that I still wont be happy (I’m not depressed or anything, but my weight does bug me & I long for the day when it doesn’t!); I’m afraid of failure ie: I don’t think I’ll ever be able to lose the excess weight; I have so much identity caught up in the way I eat that I wouldn’t know who I was & I don’t want to be “wrong” about eating the way I do; I also feel that losing weight is too hard;

I’ve had a think about when it all started & so far I have come up with: After my mum died, I went to live with my dad & step-mum. It wasn’t the best living arrangement & there was hardly ever any food in the house. When there was food, there was always a competition over it because I have two big brothers (whom I love dearly) that would eat everything. I remember at dinner time my dad being proud when the boys ate a lot so I started to do it too. My step-mum also used to by her own food that none of us were allowed to eat. The only time I got to hang out with my dad was when we went to cafes and he would buy me treats- my brothers never came so I think I began to equate it with feeling special.

As living with my dad & step-mum became more strained, they stopped taking me out for meals & providing food for us was always seen as such a burden. So, when I got a part-time job at 15, I remember I used to spend all my money on food. The grief of my mum not being around, the tumultuous home life, & often being home alone led me to fill my time with eating food. It was the only way I knew how to nurture myself at the time (which is another thing I realize I get out of it).

Plus, in the holidays, I spent all my time with my grandma (mum’s mum) & she used to let me eat any food that I wanted! I used to love going there & just eating all the food I never got at home. I think this in particular made a correlation between mothers love (my grandma) & food.

It doesn’t serve me anymore though but I suppose the little girl in me is afraid of letting it go. It offers me a lot of protection. I have even noticed that I always put a pillow to my stomach so that I feel ‘closed in’/ ‘safe’. I’m not sure what will happen when I drop the belief that I need to be chubby to feel protected. What coping mechanism will I use then??? I have reactive hypoglyceamia which means I also don't eat high starch foods & I'm intolerant to lactose. I have noticed though that these sensitivities have gotten worse.

It’s also a bit of a sore spot because my family are fitness freaks! My dad & brothers are all natural athletes & have competed nationally. I on the other hand…. Well, I’m better at knitting… So, I judge myself a lot for not being fitter (not good I know).

I read in a post someone saying that you need to trust yourself around food. That really resonated with me. I’d love to not be thinking about every morsel of food that I eat. To be honest, I don’t want to eat tubs & tubs of ice cream but…. I find the only way to stop binging is to cut it out. I had to otherwise, I fond that one scoop was never enough- if I had a tiny bit, I had to have the whole lot! I look forward to the day that I can eat a piece of chocolate & be satisfied with that.

I just have to keep the faith that EFT will work. I’m going to do tapping on the events that I’ve mentioned. Although, if anyone has some suggestions on how then I’m very open to them. I’ve got an appointment booked with a practitioner but it’s not for 2 more weeks.

For now, I sort of don’t even know where to start! Plus, I’m not sure how long I should do them for & how many events I should tap for each day. I find food obsession a hard topic to test intensity for.

Wow, this is a mega post. At the very least, I hope that it can offer a hand to those who feel the same way- we’re in this together :o)

Thank you to all of you who give some much loving energy to this forum.

Hugs & blessings to you all.

Brick walls...

pattyann2264 — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 16:23:06 GMT

I would like to start this posting by saying that I am not a therapist. I am what Gary calls a "do it yourselfer". A counselor that I worked with used EFT and taught me the basics. I then purchased the foundational DVDs. I've learned a lot, but it seems that the deeper I get into my own "stuff", the more trees I find in my huge forest.

What I am working on is weight loss. For health reasons it is imperative that I lose quite a bit of weight. As I've started trying to tap away my trees, things like feeling unsafe, high job stress, and feeling like I don't deserve to be slender have come up, but no matter how much I tap, I find that late in the evenings I have a compulsion to eat. No cravings, no specific foods, just a "have to fill the void" kind of thing. I'll lose a little weight, then I'll gain a little. Up and down, with no real progress.

I've also purchased and used Carol Look's CDs of telesessions for weight loss, and Carol Solomon's book on weight loss and cravings, and although they have touched on a number of my own issues, I'm still dealing with the brick wall that I can't see a way around.

I have worked hard, and I have been consistent about daily tapping, but I have no idea how to approach the brick wall that I keep running into, and how to get past the point where I'm medicating myself with food.

Any ideas or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Pat from Florida

Re: Trying to get away - forget him... keep working on you!

Karen Nauman — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 19:33:55 GMT

Hi Susanne,

Welcome to this forum! Its a wonderfully loving and supportive place to be :)

One of the best things you can do to help yourself right now... is to stop pushing against this man. You would benefit from freeing up more of your energy to focus back on yourself.

I like this quote from Abraham-Hicks; "We are so free... we can choose bondage!"

I realize you are working hard on yourself already with self-tapping as well as a therapist however, the more you resist your current situation, the more negative energy you will draw from your business partner.

I like this quote too: “What you fight is strengthened and what you resist persists.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

I know its difficult to turn your attention away from such a dark and seemingly evil force BUT you'll get far better results by staying focused on your inner journey.

Spend a little more time and energy finding out where the negative patterns and limiting beliefs come from that are showing up with this man right now. The feelings of obligation... making decisions against your best interests... the guilt... allowing another control your emotions... tolerating such negativity in your life... feelings of entrapment and powerlessness etc.

Ask yourself... "Who does this man remind me of from my past?" What situations is this similar too? Then tap on that relationship(s) and those specific events.

When you heal that old stuck energies from your past... it will be surprisingly easy to free yourself from this smothering situation you find yourself in now. Have faith that this will happen for you :)

Also, healing yourself in regards to this situation past and present, will go a long way in helping you become a more effective and successful EFT practitioner.

I am assuming you have the first EFT DVD's. If so, pay extra close attention to the material in the Palace of Possibilities. Lots of great info. there!

Also, here's a Q and A about EFT Realationship Fear help on my site. It has some great tapping ideas! It's about love relationships BUT the info. is very applicable to your situation; http://www.tapintoeft.com/eft/eft-relationship-fear.html

Best wishes to you and much success in your future healing practice!

Cheers, Karen

Karen Nauman C.Ht., P.Nlp

Free EFT Scripts

http://www.tapintoeft.com/eft-scripts/

Re: Not sure what to tap on - Attracting Financial Abundance

Karen Nauman — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 14:48:28 GMT

Hi Sarah,

When we get stopped dead in our tracks like this and start self sabotaging our self, there is almost always a safety issue at the root of it.

The main job of our primitive mind which is part of our subconscious is to preserve and protect us.

If being financially abundant means your survival will be threatened in some way (I know this sounds strange but its true)... it will do everything to stop you from moving forward in this area. This is the self sabotage behaviour.

You can tap on the uncomfortable feelings that come up i.e fear or sickness when you look at the charts on your computer and see if anything comes up OR you can do some detective work first.

Here are a few probing questions to ask yourself;

Before answering the questions take a moment to ground and focus yourself to connect to your guidance/intuition. You might try this 'easy-to-learn' EFT breathing technique; http://www.tapintoeft.com/eft-tap-breathe/

1) What is the downside to having financial abundance? - Sounds like a funny question but really take time to think about it. Would it change your group of friends? Would someone be jealous of you or feel threatened i.e. a sibling, partner/spouse or parent? Would you be outdoing someone? Would you be cast out of or shunned by a social group? Would you be going against a family rule? Would you be replaying a painful experience in your past or that of your family? i.e. a big gain followed by a loss so its safer not to gain too much.

2) What is the upside to *not* becoming financially abundant and successful? - Things like; Then you can finally relax and won't have more expectations placed on you by others. - You can prove someone wrong or right etc. i.e. someone close to you said; "You'll never make it"!... 'What a bad/silly idea that is"... "You should be doing better at that".

3) What might change if you were to become more financially abundant? - Again, look at friends, family, community, status, career etc.

4) What do you avoid by not being successful and not having financial abundance? - Would you avoid more responsibility i.e. having more financial obligation. Would you be expected to always contribute at a higher level from now on and that's too much pressure for you?

5) What is made better by not dealing with this problem and moving forward?

6) What happened the last time you (or your family) had money, financial success or success of any kind? - Was it a pleasing experience or was it limiting, scary, painful?

Take time and write the answers down. This information will give you lots of material to tap on. You'll also see a theme that will help you narrow your focus towards a particular subject or set of limiting beliefs - This will speed up the process for you.

The main thing you want to accomplish is to make sure your inner protector or primitive mind is no longer being put on alert by you moving towards success, abundance or financial gain. This is why we need to discover and tap on old beliefs/programming before we install new positive messages. You are already aware of this and that's a HUGE part of it!

Wishing you much success and abundance! Karen

Karen Nauman C.Ht., P.Nlp

http://www.tapintoeft.com/eft-scripts/

Re: Fatigue After Tapping, Spiritual Attachments, ET ALL!

AlisonBar — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 01:51:25 GMT

Thanks Marianna for input. I forgot to mention that after I tapped on the athlete's foot, the next day the worst of the inflammation had subsided. I tapped again today on the athlete's foot. Not sure I had the right phrasing, but I finished with "I am releasing this athlete's foot" and " I release this athlete's foot." I did more rounds than I can remember today, and kicked both legs - I kicked and kicked and kicked - this was involuntary. It didn't subside. I couldn't stop kicking. Eventually I had to stop tapping to stop the kicking. But I did get something inside it, and the phrase that came up for me was "I release my father." So I worked that for awhile. Tears came with that. With releasing my father came the phrase "Releasing my self-denial." (My father was big on self-denial.) Anyway, it was all very emotional and it drained me.

About trauma: I didn't have any particular traumatic memories during these tappings. Only the releasing of my father, releasing him of my expectations and my disappointment in him not having been the father I wanted. That was the emotion inside the kiccking, and as I said, with doing that tapping, came the releasing my own self denial.

Thanks again for input. I am a relative beginner/

Next Day: I wanted to add some more results on this topic.

As I mentioned in my original post, I developed a minor sore throat after my initial tapping on the athlete's foot. I also found inside that tapping, the sense of being smothered or suffocated by my father and wanting to kick him off me. I think I also mentioned that when my father died I started smoking again after 20 years of not smoking!

After thinking about all of this, I decided to tap on the smoking. I figured it is the most powerful physical manifestation, and most specific thing I could tap on. So I went through a series of taps, and the set-up went something like this (sorry I didn't record or write down so I can only write from memory).

1) "Even though I have this inexplicable re-addiction to smoking...."and while tapping I kept seeing my father. So then...

2) "Even though I smoke to spite my father....."(he hated that my mother smoked, and hated that I started to smoke)...while tapping, memories of my father doing really weird things when I was kid, and putting all kinds of guilt on me, he even told me - when I was a little kid, about 5, that I was so impatient to be born that my mother almost died because I was born at home and she started hemorrhaging...

3) "Even though my father tried to diminish my zest and excitment about being born by telling me I almost killed my mother because I was so eager to be born... "(I realise now I should tap on the very specific incident, my earliest memory of him telling me this, and I should use his words "Even though my father put all this guilt on me because he told me I almost killed my mother because I was so impatient to be born..." rather than my healthy evolved interpretation: "so eager to get into the world, so ecited about being born that I couldn't wait till my mother got to the hospital..." AM I CORRECT IN THINKING I SHOULD TAP ON MY FATHER'S STATEMENT?

Anyway, while tapping on the fact that my father tried to diminsih my excitement about being born, all kinds of images came up - memories of other weird things he did to diminish me, to somehow squash and suffocate my zest for life, suppress my beauty and sensuality, diminish my self-worth and pride in a job well done by scolding me for being proud of my work and on and on an on...so many things I cannot list so I tapped on the whole feeling of diminishment and suffocation of natural enthusiasm, and got that I smoke to suffocate my ehthusiasm for life...so then I tapped on that.

I also tapped on using smoking as a way of reducing social anxiety.

And there were more things...

I also tried Marianne's suggestion (I read somewhere on the forum) of standing in front of a mirror with a candle and tapping. The candle thing only made it too dark to see my eyes, so I then tried tapping in front of the mirror with the light on...that was interesting. I was tapping on my desire to smoke, and while I was tapping I started wanting a cigarette, and so I kept tapping...eventually I decided I needed to smoke a cigarette to figure out what it is I need to tap on to get rid of the smoking...so I smoked a cigarette and while doing so remembered an incident when my father spanked me and my older brother, on our bare bums when we were too old to be spanked that way! (though I can't for the life of me remember why he spanked us!), and I got a sense of humilation in that incident and that maybe the smoking is somehow tied to humilation, that I smoke to humiliate myself <?!!> but I didn't have time to do more tapping.

As you can see, I am a newbie and kind of all over the place with this, but I have previously had a lot of success with EFT, and I figured out - with the original athlete's foot tapping, that that was tied to my father trying to suffocate me somehow, and so then I decided to tap on the smoking, and there I got that the suffocation was more metaphorical for his style of child-rearing than an actual physical thing.

EFT has had such a positive impact on my life, and I am really happy - but I've picked up this athlete's foot and the smoking - and both, in my mind, are inexplicable - I am really clean and diligent about washing my feet and changing socks daily, etc, and have used gyms and public swimming pools for years with no problem, - so to have athlete's foot is just so NOT ME! And since I stopped smoking, I hated it - couldn't stand to be around it, so having picked it up again, is so NOT ME. So I figure there is something locked in my energy that is creating these two bizarre things in my life. I believe profoundly in EFT's power to elliminate both (yes I am using athlete's foot cream as well). I just can't seem to find the rtight phrase/issue to tap on.

But, the one thing that has happened since tapping on the smoking, I've started coughing like crazy - constantly having to clear my throat (until very recently I only smoked about 5 cigarettes a week, and only this past week have smoked 2or 3 a day). Now, I've also suffered from chronic sinus problems, and have ocassional exercise-induced asthma. And the first thing I ever experienced EFT success with - several years ago, when a friend who is a trained EFT practitioner tapped on me - was for claustrophobia!

Something else, after feeling so confounded by this, I downloaded again the manual and re-read it, and realized psychological reversal has been my numero uno problem in my life, so I am throughly convinced the smoking and the athlete's foot are tied to the energy - and because I have done so much work to correct energy imbalances and have come such a long way in my life, both are now the psychological reversal trying desperately to asert itself.

Sorry for beiung so long-winded, but I know EFT is in early stages of development, so I figure anything I write here about my experience may be helpful to its evolution as a healing tool, as much as to my evolution as an energetic being doing its best to be its best in this life! :-)

Any input much appreciated.

Re: A seemingly complicated block to losing weight

Helen — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 01:45:54 GMT

Hi Cindy,

Great that you shared so much and some great answers also.

Have you looked at the downside of losing weight, i.e. if I get skinny again I might attract another Ethan? I often find that my clients hold onto the weight as a protection.

Hoponopono is also great.

Helen Vella

Florida