Search results matching tag 'Forgiveness'

How to let go of the hurt and snger after husband had an emotional affair.

Ceciel38 — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 07:35:09 GMT

Hi, my name is Ceciel and I really would like some help after the split up and getting back with my husband. Sorry for the long post but really feel I need to explain it properly so I can get some good advice how to deal with my emotions and how to let go.

The beginning of last year my husband and I started having problems. He promised me to move to Holland (were I am from) for a couple of years, he felt so bad after he got done drink driving, and knew by going that he would make me and my family very happy. But he didn't (in my eyes) do enough to make it happen and time was running out. I tried to be so patient but after that didn't work and we started to have lots more fights I decided to seperate from him. Lots of stuff happened in the past that still bothered me so I was at the end of my rope. I moved in with his parents with our 2 young kids what made him furious. I knew he became good friends with a woman from work but after I decided to move back home I found messages in his phone to each other that just wasn't right (and for me that was the reason he didn't wanted to go to holland). He really made me feel moving to his parents was so wrong for me to do and gave him an excuus to have her as a special friend (she was divorced mother of 3 and he just wanted advice on our problems). I wasn't listening and she was. After this she also started to have feelings for him.

We did after that decided to work on our relationship. I choose to let the Holland thing go and just go home with our kids for 2 months.

When I got back he was not the same and I found more messages and photo's of him and her so I officially seperated from him and made him move out. Not long after that sometimes we did get along and I was happy with that because I was still in love with him. He knew that so kept me close so it was hard for me to move on. After telling him i wanted a divorce he had a turn around and told while we were separated he was seeing her and me at the same time. He is very sorry as what happend too and is also trying to deal with guilt and how he dealt with everything.

Now were back together (4 months) I find it so hard to let go of the past and get over what happend. I find it so hard to get the other woman out of my head and and so angry she tried to win him over when he was still wearing his weddingring (and knowing she still is in love with him).

For a while I believed it was my fault because I shouldn't have moved to his parents( because after that he started to have feelings for her), I was not a good listener. I started EFT about a year ago and it has helped me already a lot and feel did cope with this situation better with it. I do know I am dissapointing a few people close to me and feel bad that I have let them down because I am back with my husband. I do know that (most of the time) I made the right decision but have to deal with my emotions of anger, hurt and I wasn't good enough as a wife. I have done a lot of EFT but think I need some good guide lines on how to formulate and use EFT to deal with my emotions. How often do I have to do it? How long for? Because sometimes I tap on certain emotions and the do feel less then before, but there back the next day or the day after. So I am not sure if its good for me to bring up the emotion because I don't see it going away, know too that its not good to push emotions away.

This has been the biggest thing happend to me in my life, and know I have to deal with it and find peace with this last year.

I hope with this forum I can get some helpfull tips, because I need help to accept that this last year has happend.

Please help me.

Thanks heaps,

Re: The trouble with forgiveness

Fabienne — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 18:04:58 GMT

Hi Everyone,

An image or metaphore that has been powerful for me is to imagine the grievance like a hook in the back (or wherever you feel it). Forgiveness is about releasing the hook.

It gives one so much freedom.

Thank you,

Fabienne

forgiveness and the set up phrase?

Alice Grange — Wed, 20 May 2009 17:52:18 GMT

Hi,

I have been incorporating EFT and Ho-onopono and subsequently have begun integrating forgiveness into my set up phrase ie I completely love, forgive and accept myself. (and anyone else who contributed to this situation/problem etc)

Is there any reason not to add forgiveness here?

Thanks,

Alice

Re: How can I stop being super critical about everything

Ted Robinson — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 13:57:01 GMT

Hello Anna,

Just a follow up to what I wrote before and in conjunction with what has been written by others, especially Mildred when she said "welcome to the journey". It triggered the following suggestion: Once you've tapped on being super critical as I earlier suggested, and after you've tapped on guilt for being so unreasonable, etc., then you'll eventually find its time to forgive yourself for being so critical all the time. Many people find this the most difficult thing to do in their lives. Usually, that's because they are still super critical of themselves. You see criticism is ego driven judgment. The ego will judge everything and everybody, including yourself, incessantly - until one day, as happened to you, a part of you wakes up and notices just how critical its being and decides to change it - again, just as you did.

Once you get past the criticalness, guilt and shame for being so critical and whatever else is driving it, the thought will eventually arise that you may want to apologize to all those who you've criticized unjustifiably. You may do this directly to them or you may do it silently within. Eventually, you'll come back to yourself and want to forgive yourself for all the criticism. To do this with EFT, you may wish to use words to the effect of: "Even though I've been so critical of everyone else, I've been even more critical of myself. Yet, I love and accept myself nonetheless." Or "Even though I have been overly critical of everyone, including myself, I love and accept myself anyway." Then, tap each point with "I've been most critical of myself, etc."

Once you get that issue (if it exists within you) down to a zero or close to it, change tapping hands to your non-dominant hand and tap in positive choices, such as: "I now give up the misunderstanding that I had anything to be critical of about myself and choose to change this pattern now." and "I now choose to give up being so critical of myself and others and forgive myself." and "I now give up my old pattern of criticism and forgive myself for being so critical." and "I now see myself as a loving, accepting and compassionate being of God who allows others and myself to be just as they are and love them nonetheless, knowing everything is already perfect." or "I now forgive myself for being so critical in the past and recognize that everything is already perfect and doesn't need my criticism and never did. I see myself and all others as perfect and loving and acceptable."

I suggest that once you forgive yourself and come to recognize that everything is already perfect, things will start to improve dramatically in this area for you. Of course, don't take this entirely word for word. Its more of a general feeling, not a specific one. So if something in your own life needs correction, of course you may still do it, just do it with less intense criticism and use more understanding and compassion as you do it. The journey will be much more pleasant and tolerable that way.

How I am getting over debt and abundance issues and many others!

Heather Flanagan — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 17:16:30 GMT

Hi everyone, I wanted to share with you some of my experiences in the hopes that it can help you with whatever issues that you have. I had lived in much misery and despair in dealing with many different issues (including being deeply in debt) for over 20 years, but I am now very much in the healing process!! My life is SO much better already, and I've only been at this since the beginning of the year and I know that I am going to keep getting better! The Law of Attraction and EFT have largely contributed to my success! It would take too long to explain about this process, but I have written all about it on my website if you'd like to take a look there. www.myquestforhealing.com I hope that this will be beneficial!Heather

How I am getting over my Anxiety and many other issues!

Heather Flanagan — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 17:12:38 GMT

Hi everyone, I wanted to share with you some of my experiences in the hopes that it can help you with whatever issues that you have. I had lived in much misery and despair in dealing with many different issues for over 20 years, but I am now very much in the healing process!! My life is SO much better already, and I've only been at this since the beginning of the year and I know that I am going to keep getting better! EFT has largely contributed to my success! It would take too long to explain about this process, but I have written all about it on my website if you'd like to take a look there. I hope that this will be beneficial!

Heather

Re: Anger, forgiveness, and physical pain

SkyWatcher — Thu, 25 Dec 2008 22:13:16 GMT

Pat,

I agree that forgiving oneself is the ultimate. Many times we have to forgive everyone else involved before we are ready to forgive ourself. It can be easier to blame others, but many times there is a part of ourself that is pointing the finger of us, and many times there is a part of us who has been in denial about our part in the situation.

For future events, it is most helpful to stop the blame game of others--ourself included. If we do that, then we don't have to keep being so hard on ourself or others. Then if we or someone else does something we don't like--it is a mistake. It makes life way easier. It makes our mind more clear and we have less physical pain, too. Funny how that works.

Each person is different, however, many people have a critical parent that they carry around in their head. Sometimes, that voice even parrots some of the phrases that our parents or teachers used. I have found it helpful to thank that part of me, tell it that I appreciate the help that they have given me, and that it is no longer necessary. Then I assign it another job--like finding good, and sharing that--instead of being so critical.

Re: Anger, forgiveness, and physical pain

pattyann2264 — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 18:14:12 GMT

Judy,

Joann gave you some great advice and some good tapping phrases to use for your anger. I do feel, though, that it is extremely important to also deal with the factor of forgiveness, and since you mentioned it specifically in your subject, I'm thinking it's still an issue.

It's really important to get to a place of forgiveness for your husband. His actions adversely affected you, and you've been carrying baggage about that ever since. You could work with phrases like "Even though my husband didn't respect my decision to stay pure" and "Even though my husband's actions affected my sex life", and use the choices method to incorporate the "and I choose to forgive him for his actions". I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at how much power there is in those words of forgiveness.

Equally important is getting to a place of forgiveness for yourself. You may not even realize it (I certainly didn't), but you may still be holding yourself responsible for what happened too. In my own personal healing, I was amazed at how much I held myself responsible for, and forgiving myself for all of it, rational or not, worked wonders for me. If you can't think of specific issues, use a choices statement more generically, as in "and I choose to forgive myself for any part that I may have played in this".

Forgiveness was critical to my own healing, and allowed me to overcome a great deal of physical pain. I hope you'll check back in with us and let us know how the tapping for anger and forgiveness is working for you.

Warm holiday wishes,

Pat

Re: Angry husband refuses to forgive me...

Ros — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 11:51:34 GMT

I just wanted to post an update, particularly to thank of all of you who helped me in my darkest hour!

Everything has resolved, and the miracles that I tapped for have come to pass.

My husband has recovered his health, after nearly five years of chronic (and debilitating) illness. He has also recovered his sense of humour, his patience, his forgiveness, and his love for his wife!

We have been slowly putting our relationship back together over the last few months and are now re-finding the closeness and intimacy - and mutual support - that we had at the beginning; only with the added wisdom that comes from riding out a very tough time.

Yesterday I realised how far we had come when we had a disagreement that didn't turn into a huge row, but stayed good-humoured and reasonable. My husband is regaining his physical fitness and looking for work. He is also being immensely supportive of me and the work I am doing... which now includes EFT.

So thank you, everyone, for all your helpful advice. I am still tapping on my own issues daily and have just undertaken my practitioner training (AAMET Level 2). I've been working with friends and family and having great results.

But the best result of all has been getting my husband back. God bless you all for your creative ideas, your wisdom, and your kindness.

Ros

Re: forgiveness

SkyWatcher — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 23:53:13 GMT

Hi Singer,

Here is an idea. It is based on Lindsay Kinney's Bundling Baggage . Have her take all of the things she has been unable to forgive herself for, and

put them in a bundle.
She can give each one a name or a phrase. She could also say things like, "all the mean stuff I did to Dad". It isn't necessary to name or discuss each one.
Then tap for a Reversal (this is for what the subconcious mind does not want to let go of whatever it is)

For the Reversal, you tap on the karate chop point and say something like, even though:

I don't feel that I should be forgiven for all of my Unforgiveables, I really don't deserve to be forgiven, or at least a part of me doesn't feel like I should be forgiven, and I deeply and completely love and accept that part of me.
all that I did is unforgiveable...
I don't deserve to be forgiven...

If you are physcially with her you can muscle test to see if sher is still reversed

Then you do set-up phrases like, even though:

I feel so guilty for all those things unforgiveable things I did...
I wish that I never would have done those things...

When the Intensity level to around a 5 you can have her say things like

I want to forgive myself
I don't know if I am ready to forgive myself

When the Intensity level gets to around a 3 you can have her say

I choose to forgive myself
it is time for me to forgive myself
I allow myself to be forgiven

Until you clear the part that isn't ready to be forgiven, she won't be able to.

Hope this helps.

Gratefully yours,

JoAnn