Hi Everyone,

I would like your advice about M, who is 22 and married with no kids yet. 2 yrs. ago she was in a car accident where her mother was killed. M was the driver... since then she has PTSD and her situation has worsened since she received a summons to a trial.

She came and of course i tried EFT with her. At the end of our first EFT session she said she doesn't believe a word she's saying ("I deeply and completely accept myself") but we had no time to talk about it. She then vanished for about a month and returned.

I tried the Tearless Trauma Technique but she didn't seem to be affected. It's as though she's somehow dissociated and detached from her feelings. I've tried working on it, relating also to the good side of not feeling the pain she would otherwise feel and feeling strong, at least on the outside. 

We've worked on resistance to change. We've worked on her feeling of guilt and the refusal to let go of the guilt for fear that she will forget her mother and her fear that she will feel ok with what happened when it's not ok. Still no change.

Of course she cannot let go of the guilt just like that (can she?). However, this situation is very frustrating for both of us and now again I feel that she's going to disappear, because she didn't want to schedule another appointment and told me she would call me after she receives an answer about some important things happening in her life.

Any suggestions about furher directions for work should she return? Also please share your experience about non-feelng clients (I've read Gary's article).

Many thanks,

Iris

Hi Irisa,

great question. I am sorry to hear about your client, and I think you have some very good approaches there.

Here are some thoughts that I have after working with many Veterans:

- Ask her how she wants to feel about what happened. the outcome of your tapping has to work for her. If she can't see that she can ever be forgiven, then any tapping along those lines will meet resistance.

- When she is ready: talk about if her mom wants her to feel this way, and if her mom had been the driver and she the passanger, if she wanted her mom to feel the way she does now. Gently giude her to finding and accepting forgiveness in a way that feels true and appropriate, and that works for her and her mom

- Start a tapping dialogue, where she can appologize to her mom, tell her that she didn't mean to be in the accident and how sorry she is. Tap with her on the guilt, but in a dialoghe with her mom, and help her make choices like: I choose to open up to the possibility that mom would forgive me just as I would forgive her. She is in a good place now (if that fit's her belief system), and she knows that I didn't do this on purpose.

Ultimately, the goal mustbe finding peace and acceptance for what seems to be unforgivable.

Also find out the circumstances of the accident: Things happen in context. There is a reason why it happened the way it did. Understanding the context doesn't take the responsibility away, butit does give a reason which is true and acceptable. there is great peace in this.

Tap with her on missng her mom, on the grief of a daughter losing a mother in a car accident: A part of me wants to blame the person who is in charge of my mom's death, and another part wants to heal it...the two of them are having a conflict....

use the word" Betrayal or unfairness: If there was something very unfair about this, what could it be?

this way, you can help her break through her belief systems and find peace and accpetance, which will allow for her to move forward easier and in an appropriate way.

Hope this helps.

Love

Ingrid

Hi Iris,

Is your client more of sensory person?  That is some one that is able to sense and feel their feelings very good?  If she is and what you can do from starters is just work witn the statement that she told you, For it may give you a bit or toe hold to get started on making some progress with her.  If she can give you some feeling of how that statement make her feel, then work with that feeling, and if she is very sensory, what on what she feels after what come up next, and as long as some feeling keep surfacing, work on each of them as how they make her feel.

What I have noticed with working on my own stuff and others too, that some times a bit of us facture, that she may factured off some of herself after the accident happened, And for me, others too, I had to go back and redo all that did on this factured part of me/them, yes, a quite a bit of work.

What too I suggest is to look and think back to your conversations with her, did she say some bit of comment to you just seem out of place? What some of top psychologist look for like a client is about to go out the door, they may blurt out some matter that do not fit with them about to leave, they take and work with what the person said. Some times it is those blurted out and don't fit the moment said things of a client turn to be a tool that a psycologist use to help their client, mainly when they are stuck and not making any progress in helping them.

I must admit and some of yuo too, that in your mind is a ton of things you have learned to and that helped yourself and others too, but some times they or we just forget them, and remember them when some one else say them on the list, but it is said that some of the top persons in all the healing fields, doctors too, they have that inner ability to of themself, that those or what imformation is needed to be used, it just in flash pop into their mind, this is what I am working on for myself be in that state of being.

But back to what I first said, in ways, what I said been said many times on the list, and I forget too, but too, I am more of the intuitive, and this make me want to try to put a name and face on things, per reason and cause, and this is all good, but with some and if they are very sensory orientated, you or one just work on the energy of what they feel after each tapping session.

Thrown Out Food for Thought ok?

Harry

Hi Ingrid and Harry,

My client is more of a cognitive person, I think, and yes, she is sensory.

We've worked on her having to suffer for a long time, maybe forever and when I said that she laughed a sort of scared laughter, and said that's not true. So in her mind at least she doesn't want to be punished forever.

I asked her what her mom would think about her guilt and would her mom be angry at her and want her to suffer and she said no. She says she dreams a lot about her mom and in her dreams mom smiles and is loving and sends messages about what will happen. However, we didn't do this as a tapping dialogue and this might be a good idea.

We talked about the circumstances, on her mom's insistence to do things that later seemed as if she was insisting that it happen. But something inside her still resists believing this.  I definitely need to work wutg her about the conflict and will also try betrayal or unfairness should she come back.

Thanks for your help.

Iris

Hi Iris,

Ok, a question?  You said she had a moment of scared laughter?  It is likely that what every feeling that evoked her to have that scary like laugther, come from some may traumatic emotion or memory. And if this is true.  Have you worked with as best you can on the feelings of what it was?  And if you have not, the next time try ot get her to attune herself the energy of that emotion that she was feeling at the moment of scary laughter work it to zero.

What I suggest that you may ask her is if she think that she and her mom was of differnt archetypes?   In the dynamics of human relationship, on some levels two persons can clip and work good at all levels, but in deep and cored personalities of person of different archetypes, they on some level naturally not see, view and agree on if a bottle is half empty or half filled, and on a few things too, they both inherently see things different, and this may explains as how they may see things differntly.

But too what may mask itself and look the same of what I said, is say either one be/been (mom is dead) of MPD, thus if either one has this disorder, that personality just see things differently. I just said this as a throw in as alternative possiblity that may account as how two persons just may see things inherently differently.

And again, this is all food for thought and consideration, and what I do some times is what some inventors use to do, lock and hone in some matter that had my mind and work bogged down, and then just walk away, that is just let it go and go about the business of my daily life and if be, at some moment some insight my flash upon my mind and being, and if and when this happen, what's in this insight for me usually is of great help to me, it just a matter of how well that I am able to of my own work and shape that insight to help me to it highest level.

I am not sure, but I thought that you did mention of something of her disassociating herself?  And if you did, this may be some sign of MPD behavoir, and if my memory serves me correct, an accident like an auto one, some MPD disorder began, and for myself, what I will do is google MPD and auto accident. If this be of some value to you, on the net there may be other EFT persons that has done work clients that may had MPD after auto accident, today on the net, there is just some much info and data, from things A to Z.  And if some EFT person and work on all this, they may be of some help to you to better help her ok?

Yes, just more food for thought ok?

Harry