I'm currently working as a caregiver for a woman who is very controlling and argumentative. It's causing me a LOT of anxiety, but I feel I'm not in a position to quit the job because off finances. From the beginning she made it clear she didn't want me there, but her family feels she can't be alone. It bothers me so much because I know I'm not appreciated and she's resenting every penny she has to pay me. 

I've tried tapping on the anxiety, and it helped a little, but not much. I also tapped on unworthiness because she made a statement along the lines of "this is not worth what I'm paying you," and that's when my anxiety really kicked in. Again, it only helped a little. I'm replaying negative comments she's made in my head and I hate that I'm doing this. 

 Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. 

 Hi Rebecca,

What you have here is situation where a narcissist in in control of your own mental health.  Thank the universe for this opportunity to learn how to deal with this type of person.

1) set boundaries with her and demand her respect.

No matter how much you need the job you are not there to be abused.   Indicate that you will stand for any abuse. Document her comments and threaten to get a mental health assessment.

2) You do not have to respond to her arguments. You can be deaf to them, you can go for a walk until you cool offéor until she behaves herself.

Write down each and every comment she makes about you and use it as a gateway to your personal therapy. 

She seems to have an unerring ability to get your goat. Take advantage of this and learn as much as you can from this woman. She is in your life to teach you what your triggering issues are.  When you have learned what you need to know she will be gone, or she ll change or you will leave and find that you no longer attract this type to you.

If you are not getting relief from tapping on these things, use the karate chop point or the sore point and use the  comments as she throws them your way thus:

Even though the old bat says I am not worth the money she pays me, I accept myself anyway.

Even if I am not worth the money I make I accept myself

Even if she is right and I am a waste of money I accept myself anyway.

Even though the old bat hates getting old and helpless and she is taking this out on me, I accept myself.

Even though it is no fun getting old, but it is a lot of fun for her to torment me, I accept myself and I choose to be understanding of her and her frustration.

Even though the old bat gets my goat, I accept myself and I choose to be at peace with her, she is doing the best she can, given who she is.

 Mildred

Thanks so much, Mildred. I quickly realized she is getting my goat because she's JUST. LIKE. MY. MOTHER. who I only "get along with" by avoiding for long periods of time and seeing for short periods of time.

Sigh:(

 I think a lot of this goes back to me not being capable of defending myself, which is something I'm working on, but I appreciate your tapping statements. 

This may be a little more understandable than that.  Because I was a caregiver for my mother and am for my grandfather, I know how hurtful they can be at times.  I do not consider them to have a personality disorder but they have in fact had their freedom taken from them.  If she is anything like my loved ones she will find it very hard to accept she can no longer do the things she could.

The way I deal/dealt with the difficulties is to first of all allow myself to express my frustration, hurt and anger and then when that felt better, tune into how they may be feeling.  This can be very insightful.  It is very common for older people to feel frustratred, trapped and vulnerable these situations which can be very difficult for them.

However Mildred is correct, you do need to establish boundaries.  I no longer feel affected by my grandfathers impotent rage at life, but often I will say that's not acceptable.  I find it helpful to remind myself that often in these situations they feel like children and as we know children can be quite nasty at times when they can't cope with their feelings.

I would suggest however thinking about who this reminds you of, has anyone else ever made you feel like this, or have you felt this way in the past.

Being a caregiver is not an easy job and you cannot take it personally, I have seen what some of the carers have experienced, but they always treated my loved ones with respect and patience.

Gill

Thanks for your input, Gill.

Actually this woman can do EVERYTHING for herself. Truth be told, she has no 'caregiving' needs. She is more about nerves and anxiety and has become pretty much emotionally paralyzed to make ANY decisions for herself. All she does is worry. So I sympathize with her, but I can't let her behaviors mess with my peace of mind, which is why setting boundaries makes good sense.

I have always treated my clients with respect and patience, and all I ask is that they treat me the same way, which is why it upsets me when I come upon one who doesn't feel the need to reciprocate. Besides, if I can't treat them with respect and patience, I'm in the wrong job;) 

Your post about her reminding you of your mum makes sense.  Thats why she is pushing your buttons I suspect.  Its always good to ask who does this remind me off! 

Of course you can't let the behaviours mess with your peace of mind, I totally agree.   I had an amazing experience though when my mums behaviours nearly drove me INSANE, and I mean that quite literally.  When I tapped on all my feelings I had the most amazing miracle of my life.  You can read about it on the articles of my website if you are interested.  Thats why I know tapping can utterly change relationships:)

I work with children who are being bullied, and when we can discharge all emotion about the bullies, the miracle is the bullies walk straight past them! 

Here is a technique you might like to try for this

http://www.emofree.com/Articles2/core-issues-tense.htm

Best wishes

Gill

Thanks, Gill, I'm going to check your site out right now:).

Hi Rebecca,

What you could do in a further and more comprehensive way to better your working relationship with the lady, is to also do surrogate work on her, or too, have you considered talking to her about EFT?  And what you could do is say come in to work a put on bit more of a cheerful act, and mention to her that you learned about doing EFT and how much it has helped you and others, try to lead the conversation that she allow her to do some EFT work on her. And see if she slowly allow you do work on her, and work up to doing more to issues of negative attitude. And if she is against this idea, then you more so has the right to do surrogate work on but what I suggest that you do it more with the inner mind set of doing it for her the person to just be more emotionally happier, versus doing to make her more sociable and you stand working with her. Basically, the first way is more of wholistic approach.  Sooo, just some food for thought.

I said this because too many times in past that some person had put me in certain way that I was not able to see may be a simple, easy and direct approach that may remedied the situation. And they did was kept me in that way, till it was some one else or some time later, that with hind sight that could see that from day one, I had a good and easy way of resolving the matter if I tried it, Yes, this is all hindsight speaking ok? 

I do wish you well with her and lastly too, you can help others to chip in later if you feel that you may need some boostering or others helping you in doing surrogate work on her. I feel that many and I too, can have empathy for you in working in job that you hate to show up at.

Again, just some food for thought,

Harry

Thanks, Harry. Although it was rough going to begin with, once I accepted the fact that I could not change her, I could only change my reaction to her, things have been getting progressively better.When she starts to get to me, I remind myself of what Gill said, "She's only doing the best she can."

I've thought often how EFT might help her, but I doubt that she'd be open to it.  I talked about natural healing in general to see what she thought of those sorts of things, and she seems to be more of the "I'll have to ask my doctor what he thinks" type. 

Hi Rebecca,

I say this with few a experiences and what I heard of others, this happens some times but not all, and what may happen in your case once you do a well amount of tapping on yourself, then this may shift and create a better opportunity, that she be more open for you to do some tapping on her.  And with my family back in Virgina, I have to reinvent myself in ways that this lead to most being more receptive and respective to things I am into and do. But the doings of it, that was journey all in itself.

Take Care,

Harry