Dear EFT-ers,

1) I have been tapping for few months. First, I started with capital "T" traumas that I remembered. Now it seems that I coming to the small "t" traumas and more like limiting beliefs that I learned from the way my family functioned. I am observing that I hold "true" what I used to hear from my mother on regular basis. Thus, I have programs running like:

- it is not OK to enjoy yourself                                                                                                                                                                         - you have to work hard and suffer to make money; we are not lucky to get some good opportunity                                                                       - i am not good enough for anyone

 These are not linked to any specific traumatic experiences. How do you deal with these; just simple tapping on these beliefs? 

2) I continuously feel sadness. I am OK but I am feeling sad. I dont know what it is. Maybe I am just used to it since there was lots of sadness in my childhood; as if my mother didnt really allow us to be happy and to enjoy ourselves. She was always miserable, shouting, critizing, beating ... How can I approach this sadness?

3) I have been suspicious that I was not bringing up the issue of my father leaving when I was 10. I dont remember any specific moments about this. So I decided to tap on it nevertheless. There were emotions; feel of being left, loneliness, sadness ... and even some anger that he left me alone to be with my mother. But nothing that major. I thought that my sadness was linked to this but im not sure.

4) When I look back at my romantic relationships with men; what I see that I go into relationships where I am getting hurt - I am left, sidelined, not as important .... that sort of thing. Many times, these men have other committments ... and that is how it happens. How can I clear this please?

It is all sort of mingled up. I would greatly appreciate your direction on this.

Jana

Jana - I replied to your other post without having read this one.  What I wrote in the other one could apply equally to these issues - asking your inner child what she is feeling sad about.

avokle:

 These are not linked to any specific traumatic experiences. How do you deal with these; just simple tapping on these beliefs? 

Sometimes we need to tap on several specific examples of incidents that left us with these beliefs, they don't have to be what you consider traumatic experiences, rather just whatever incidents come to mind when you think about those beliefs.  Alternately if nothing is coming to mind, you could do some general tapping and then ask your inner child how she feels about those beliefs or what makes her feel that way.

avokle:

I continuously feel sadness. I am OK but I am feeling sad. I dont know what it is. Maybe I am just used to it since there was lots of sadness in my childhood; as if my mother didnt really allow us to be happy and to enjoy ourselves. She was always miserable, shouting, critizing, beating ... How can I approach this sadness?

There are several ways you could approach this.  One would simply be to ask yourself where in your body you feel this sadness, and tap with that.  Another would be to ask the sadness to represent itself as a character you can speak with, and you could speak with it and tap with whatever comes up as a result of this.  You could also try asking your inner child what is making her feel sad and tap with her.  Another possibility would be to do a few sessions with an experienced practitioner - they have the skills and experience to help to guide you through the layers of the sadness to get to it's core.

avokle:

I have been suspicious that I was not bringing up the issue of my father leaving when I was 10. I dont remember any specific moments about this. So I decided to tap on it nevertheless. There were emotions; feel of being left, loneliness, sadness ... and even some anger that he left me alone to be with my mother. But nothing that major. I thought that my sadness was linked to this but im not sure.

You may find that your aren't accessing all the emotions and beliefs here because your inner child feels unsafe and afraid (see my other posting).  In this case I'd definately recommending tapping with the support of a trusted friend or an experienced practitioner.  When I do this sort of healing on my own sometimes I can access the emotions and sometimes I can't, often if I sit with my partner or a practitioner I am able to access a lot more and I believe it is because their support helps my inner child to feel safe.  Alternately you could be falling into a trap so many of us fall into of assuming that you know how you felt back then - the best way around this that I know of is to use Matrix Reimprinting (see my response to your other posting).

avokle:

When I look back at my romantic relationships with men; what I see that I go into relationships where I am getting hurt - I am left, sidelined, not as important .... that sort of thing. Many times, these men have other committments ... and that is how it happens. How can I clear this please?

Does this remind you of anything with your early relationships when you were a young child?  We often take on a belief that we will be hurt or that we aren't important very early on in life.  The more of the early stuff you can clear, the more you will be able to make your own choices now.

You are obviously dealing with some really core issues, it's great that you are working through this with persistence and asking questions.  Make sure you get the support you need, it's such important healing work you are doing.  There is another article that just came to mind that might be of use to you too, just in case it resonates with you, you can find it here.

Very best wishes on your healing journey,

Jo

Hi Jana,

For me some of my greater issues of and with my parents was healed and resolved with a perspective view, for some years I was to some degree blaming my parents for in their parenting how we as kids and family was functioning, and one day, this view sort of just came to my mind but in a very knowing way. I say knowing in respect that I knew and suspected that my parents raised us the best as they could per how they too was raised, and them being the best from those experiences. It was this one pure and clear view and made me see both of them in whole new light. But it may be, that some parents were raised better and should had been better, but in my case, I just sensed and knew that my parents did the best they could of themselves.  So for me some things were change, only with seeing a matter in whole new light, that is after some say revelation came to me in way, I knew that I had to honor what was being shown to me. And all this is just some food for thought, and you may know the heart and being of your parents, Thus most of what I am saying may not be right and fit for you better work on and out your issues and things with your parents ok?

Aloha,

Harry