Hi everyone,

 I have been tapping with EFT for quite a few months now with little to no relief.  One anxiety problem that I am working on is my social anxiety, feeling comfortable with myself in crowds, especially amongst my peers.  I have very few friends, and I think a lot of it stems from the fact that I cannot make friends easily.  I don't feel comfortable around others, I tense up, and cannot truly be myself, which leads me to being someone who is "hard to get to know."  I am often described as quiet/reserved.  I feel like people are negatively judging me, and so I tense up, trying not to draw any attention to myself.  I hate walking into a crowd (say at a party) by myself.  I have often come up with excuses to not go so I don't have to face the potential that I will be judged negatively. Of course I know logically this is not true, but I feel it. 

 I really want EFT to work, as does everyone on here.  I have a few specific events that I can think of that might have triggered my social anxiety, but I have zero emotions over it.  I tried tapping on a few of these events, specifically telling the story (to myself since I am not working with a practitioner), and doing a few rounds at every aspect that I come across.  However, I just have no way of knowing how I am progressing since I feel nothing.  Not even a sadness, there is just nothing.  It almost feels like I am wasting my time since I can't feel anything.

 I am wondering if there is anyone who had been using EFT unsuccessfully, who suddenly had a breakthrough, and what they did to reach it.  I feel like EFT is not working for me, and would love if someone can tell me how they finally got it to work for them.  I really need some encouragement.  Unfortunately I cannot afford to work with a practioner since I am a student and I know these things cost quite a bit of money.  Any thoughts you might have would be greatly appreciated!

Josie

What I have often found is that anxiety seems to be a lid for emotions we do not want to feel.  It certainly was my own experience at the beginning to have small result but no reduction for my anxiety until i found the specific purpose for my anxiety.

My consistent findings with chronic anxiety clients is that anxiety is a protection.  With most clients I use techniques which involve visulisation rather than 'feeling'.  Or being aware of where they feel it in their body.  It is important to understand what is the function of our symptoms.

One technique is to think of the memory and to ascertain what happens, perhaps a tightening in our throat, a clenching in our stomach.  Be aware of what if feels like, ie a stone in my stomach and tap for that.

Another way to do this is to be aware of what we believe because of what happened.  If this memory was a photo, what would you call it.  Be aware of what you believe about yourself and life because of this event.  If this memory was seen as a photo in your mind, how bright, clear, sharp is it?  Give it a name (as in movie technique) and tap on it, until you find the photo is not so easy to see.  Then reassess the belief.

Visualistion techniques are wonderful for people who cannot feel and open up a whole new way of working with EFT. 

I do have a method of guided visualisation which helps clients understand the function of their anxiety and I would be happy to share how to do this.

I would also recommend you search 'Anxiety tips' on this forum.  I tried to do that to give you the thread link but my computer is playing up.  

Best wishes

Gillian 

Gill Wightman:

I do have a method of guided visualisation which helps clients understand the function of their anxiety and I would be happy to share how to do this.

I would love to hear thosis.

The Watcher on the Hill

   
Invite the client (or yourself) to imagine: nervous system is like an army, or a bodyguard team -  ideally at rest, until the ‘Watcher on the Hill’ sounds the warning!

 
Ask:

What are the soldiers doing?
At rest? Armed and ready for action?

Already fighting? For dissociation (DID) clients a metaphor can be a divided army,
aviation not trusting the navy backing them up, and navy not trusting the soldiers
on the ground backing them up, either.

The watcher on the hill, what is his condition? Is there more than one? Is he tired, is hy hypervigilant?

There will be many, many variations of this. The idea at this point is to tune in to the state of the nervous system. This can then be done at any chosen time thereafter to give the client an idea of where they are.

Positive Intention of Anxiety

Invite the client to guess:

What is the state of the client's nervous system (bodyguard team/army)?

Is it on duty 24 hours a day?
Is it divided?  

 
Then I will ask what would happen to a country whose army was 24 hours a day 365 days on defence?  Why would a country feel it needed to do that? But what would the result really be to that country?  What if the country had no defence, its army was asleep or just refused to fight.  What if it had an army ready to respond when there was real danger?

Consider the implication for the human body, 24 hour alert versus no response whatsoever.  

A healthy nervous system is ready to respond appropriately when necessary.

Once this exercise has been completed the client has often had a cognitive change and is now feeling appreciation for their nervous system, its attempts at keeping them safe, based on a decision made at a previous time, and are now open to considering when this decision was made.

It is possible once this has been done to start to become aware of our internal state when symptoms appear.  I do this all the time and it works well, I just ask myself 'how are my guys doing'.  A couple of weeks ago I was aware that they were like one of those roman armadillos with spears (you know the protective formation romans would make with their shields)  I had no idea at that point why but I was able to tap for

"Even though I really don't feel safe right now  for some reason, I am remembering an old feeling, I chose to know that I right now I am safe and whatever happens I have the resources to deal with it."

There is more information on the protection of anxiety on
http://eftcommunity.emofree.com/forums/p/4546/25862.aspx#25862

I also have added a download link to an ebook I have written on working with complex anxiety and the accompanying audio which demonstrates this visualisation.  Hope you find it helpful.

Gillian

Hi Gillian,

 Thank you for your response.  I have not tried this "Watcher on the Hill" method yet, but I intend to.  Over the last few days I did some reading on this forum involving the "Matrix reimprinting" and decided to give it a shot.  Yesterday I was working on one of the issues I want to clear, which was a fear/anxiety of men.  It brought me back to a situation in elementary school that I know was helpful in causing this fear in me.  It was a situation where 2 boys had bullied me during school.  Previously I had tapped on this issue but felt nothing for it.  Yesterday I tried to give it another shot using your method of visualization.  All of a sudden this emotion came over me, I don't know what had happened!  I never felt this before.  Not only that, but certain aspects that I hadn't previously remembered showed up causing me to cry/get emotional and so I just tapped for this as well.  I was really surprised all this was surfacing.  After I tapped for a while and cleared everything I thought I could, I tried the matrix remiprinting method.  I sat there talking to the little girl and reassuring her that I was there to protect her and tapped on her.  Anyway, after I was completely done, I didn't necessarily feel any "lighter".  Did I do this correctly?  I had all this emotion come over me and remembering aspects that I had forgotten, so why don't I feel any better today? I would love to know if you have any ideas about this?  Thanks for taking the time to read me post.

Dear Josie

I started doing eft for my anxiety back in March/April this year and I have read everything that I could and watched all the freebies videos I could find. Initially I wanted to do it all by myself, but I found it very difficult to shift my very well stuck in problems. I am fortunate enough now to have found a very good therapist that is helping me through my jungle.

I understand that you cannot afford to see a therapist now, so I can give you some advise coming from my short but intense experience of EFT. If you want to gain some trust in EFT start using it for simple things like a head ache, nausea, back ache. This will help you a lot as it will show you that you ARE successful with EFT for simple things.

The issues that you are talking about and that you are trying to tackle are probably going to be multilayered and it will take a while before you can chop down enogh trees. There are many and many people who are not a one minute wonder (me being one of them), but what I am learning from this is patience (and believe me I am not a patient person!) and perseverance.

Keep going and you will feel very slight subtle changes and bit by bit you will get better.

I haven't managed to let go of all the intensity of my problems yet, but I am aware of a lot of changes for the better and I have bad and good days, but now the days are more good than bad.

If you haven't got a therapist to support you I would stick to this forum and keep writing asking for help. The moderators are very good and you never feel like you are alone.

Be patient, persistent and strong (when you can) and you will get there!

Love

Josie

I am sorry I have not replied specifically to you so far, I have been very busy.

Firstly I think you have been able to work in an amazing way.  Can i just ask you, when you did this and you reassured the little girl you were there for her, how did she look, did she hear you, believe you?  Was she ok with you being there? Is the emotion down to a complete 0 about this and the belief about her world changed?

It might be possible that although you have made a good start there are other aspects to this, or other events which hold it in place.  EFT is rarely a one session wonder and you may have to access other times or even ages.  What I would suggest you do is to be aware of what you believe about yourself and life as you perhaps look at a memory and afterwards reassess how true that still feels.  ie Because this happened I can't trust men.  How true is that?  If it is still true but you can't get intense about this memory just keep then asking I still have this anxiety about men because......" and listen for any other voices telling you why men scare you and see where you go from there.

Gill 

Hi everyone,

 Sorry for my slow reply I've been away for a school trip and have not had internet access for a little while.  Firstly, thank you Herbiecat for your encouraging words, they really helped me.  I will try your methood of using EFT for simple problems and see how well it works.  But from the sounds of it looks like I will need a practioner to be successful in this.  Can I ask how often are you tapping?  Do you usually tap for a specific event daily, weekly?  Are you successful with each specific event everytime you tap?  Or are you sometimes unable to clear an event? Do you also use the matrix reimprinting method?

 Gill, thank you also for your response.  In the situation where I tapped on the little girl, who had gotten builled, basically I had to introduce myself because she didn't know who I was with such a big age difference.  Anyway, I tapped on her after the bullying incident as she was walking back to class.  I tried to explain to her that the boys who did this were young and did not know any better and that what had happened did not mean that all boys would behave this way to her.  She seemed receptive, but in the end she was not overjoyed, so to speak.  I had calmed her down, but she did not become a totally different girl jumping around happy.  I hope I made sense.  She was OK with me being there, in fact, she trusted me, even wanting me to walk her back to class.  I was sort of there "in spirit" as the other kids could not see me.  I held her hand and sat with her in class, reassuring her that if the boys ever tried anything again I (the older me) would step in. I did not necessarily "change" the outcome of the incident like what I've seen in the matrix reimprinting videos, only I assured her I would be there to protect her.  Is there where I went wrong? 

I can understand that my fear of men will not necessarily go away after tapping on only one incident.  I did however think that I would feel some relief after clearing the incident, since that is what Gary says is the best way to see results rather than tapping very globaaly.  Oh, and yes, I did keep tapping until all the aspects that came up went down to zero.  That is one reason I am not sure why I do not feel relief.  Any thoughts? 

Josie:

I can understand that my fear of men will not necessarily go away after tapping on only one incident.  I did however think that I would feel some relief after clearing the incident, since that is what Gary says is the best way to see results rather than tapping very globaaly.  Oh, and yes, I did keep tapping until all the aspects that came up went down to zero.  That is one reason I am not sure why I do not feel relief.  Any thoughts? 

The relief is that one incident going to zero and not by any means the anxiety reducing as yet.  Part of anxiety is anxiety about anxiety, fear anxiety will never go away, fear if it went it will come back, and just being totally fed up with being so much on guard all the time.  All these aspects drive the anxious person into great despondency, which is also part of anxiety.

I give travel as an example of success.  Say you wanted to go from A to Z.  You would start off by driving or talking public transport from A to B, then doing the same from B to C, and so on, finally, after much travel, arriving in Z, your final successful destination.  An anxious person would have done the equivalent of getting to B or C or even M and get despondent because they are not in Z.  What complicates this scenario even further is that for someone with anxiety, this often is not a 26-stop journey but one possibly spanning a few months or years. 

One thing you can do is keep a diary of all your SUDS as they go down in each session.  This way, when you are feeling really low, you can remind yourself of your successes so far.  It is not the success that you want, sure, you want to get to Z, but it is success on the way. 

And remember...  A partial success is a success in the same way that half a hole is also a hole  ;-)

Hi Suzanne,

 Thank you for your response!  I think I might not have explained myself too clearly in my last post.  I understand that I will by no means have been completely "cured" of my anxiety problem around men after only tapping on one incident.  My real dilemma was trying to understand why I did not feel any relief at all from tapping on that incident?  I had a number of aspects show up that I had not previously remembered and through my tapping was able to successfully reduce each aspect to a 0.  In other words, I continued to tap on each aspect until I felt nothing for it at all.  With that being said, I am confused why afterwards I felt no relief from it.  Even now I don't feel as I have any relief from it.  I can still pinpoint the exact same aspects I had tapped down to zero, but now I can still get upset again over them?  I would really appreciate any thoughts you might have.

"What complicates this scenario even further is that for someone with anxiety, this often is not a 26-stop journey but one possibly spanning a few months or years." 

Also, Suzanne I am just wondering if you what you previously wrote means that it might take me years to reduce my anxiety?

Josie:

I can still pinpoint the exact same aspects I had tapped down to zero, but now I can still get upset again over them?  I would really appreciate any thoughts you might have.

 

Without actually having tapped with you, I am not sure if I understand what you are saying but will try.

If you are upset then you are not at a zero.  Is this phenomenon after you got zeros and at that particular point in time felt relief? 

For some people, tapping on an event can bring it all down to zero, but the next day the numbers may be up again. But, usually the numbers start at a lower point.  For example, tapping an event from 10-0 one day, they may find it back at a 9 the next day, which they then tap again to a 0, only to find it an 8 the next day.  And so on, until it is finally zero.  This occurs in my experience with individuals with a different nervous system, especially some people with MS or ADHD.  The way to get over this is to literally tap on the same event over and over again every day until that particular event is finally at zero.

For most people, if they got an event down to zero and then later the numbers went up again, this is because new aspects have come up, or because we did not get all parts of the aspects in the first place.

Josie:

Also, Suzanne I am just wondering if you what you previously wrote means that it might take me years to reduce my anxiety?

I honestly don't know, because I don't know your particular situation.  I thought you had been referring to the one event going to zero and you still feeling anxious. Hence what I said about the journey.  But I think something else may be at play here.  It's a good idea to work with an experienced practitioner and see if that helps  :-)

Hallo Beauty

I'm new to EFT too, just started a while ago and the first thing I want to encourage you with is; keep going. I haven't found the absolute answer that gets me to the issue every time, but a few times I've just been sideswiped right in the middle of my "this is not working at all" A couple of things I'd look at( although I'm a total newbie) Practitioners often say there are one or two points where a lot of stuff is focalized for them. I'd suggest try repeating on the points a lot, if it's 'unworthiness' 'invisibility'  'I don't deserve' the under eye point deals with identity issues lack of a mirror, that kind of thing, while the under nose under lip points deal with guilt and shame. And the heart point puts you into  feeling.

One of my own similar issues came around being judged at work. My work puts me in a position where I am constantly evaluated by others in 'power' and I had gotten to the state where I couldn't control my nerves at all. All I was doing was watching myself fall apart, feeling numb out of body, even wry: here I go again. All I had to do was concentrate on the symptoms, of which I had a plethora. Eventually I had a memory come up. No real grief or wave of feeling, just a memory of when I was very small, my family had moved continents, and I was put into a grade at school way over my head. I said I understood, but I didn't I knew my faking wasn't saving me, but no-one was going to anyway. I just went into total overwhelm. Not to put too fine a point on it. I felt retarded. I tapped on all of that. I thought I did quite well, but there wasn't too much to measure since I wasn't put in that position at work that week. But I did have a dream in which every on else was an expert, and I didn't understand anything. The dream was just thick with the feeling I couldn't find in consciousness, so when I woke up I tapped the dream as if it was a reality. I made some great progress on that layer. What I'm saying is, it can show up for you in many different ways. Even in the feeling of "everyone else is getting it and I am the lone loser"-- If you get on a rat wheel of the negatives, and don't feel like you are moving, plop in a few rounds of outrageous self love, accept that even if you never heal, you are on your own side, you adore yourself, you cherish yourself, you are your own work of art, even if no soul ever sees it but you.  Start with you, beautiful girl.  Other people can be exposed to the glory of you at a later date.  I love you, I see you, I hear you, I welcome you, there's a place for you here. (Repeat to belief)

Josie:

I held her hand and sat with her in class, reassuring her that if the boys ever tried anything again I (the older me) would step in. I did not necessarily "change" the outcome of the incident like what I've seen in the matrix reimprinting videos, only I assured her I would be there to protect her.  Is there where I went wrong? 

Josie

It is now my turn to apologise for not replying sooner.  You asked me to specifically comment on your process here.  Please note that I know this is not strictly Official EFT procedure, but I work alot with the inner child and parts of people as my clients are primarily people who have suffered childhood trauma, and I have picked up a few tips along the way.  Firstly I will start by sharing my own experience.

For an issue I was working on I went back to the scene of a 6 year old me.  she was less than impressed with my visitation.  In fact she said who on earth do you think you are coming to help me and your crying.  She insisted on tapping on me first before we could proceed.  Now to the person reading this who has not tried this way of working I do realise that may sound odd, but when you get in touch with these inner children they are real and have real feelings and opinions.  therefore this makes working with our inner child the same as working with a real life out here child:)  

I don't know if you have children or not, trying to work with EFT on my own children has taught me so much.  But thinking about it logically, you said she was not pleased to see you, you told her you would keep her safe etc, which is great and a wonderful start to communicating and getting in touch with the parts of us who are still stuck in time.  However if a stranger walked into a situation where a child felt lost, alone etc and said Don;t worry about it, I won't let them touch you again, without listening to this child's feelings, without letting her express them, how might the child react?

This might sound extreme but when connecting with the inner child or teenager, I am often met with a part who refuses to tap, until they are listened to first.  My kids come to mind again.  They see tapping without a chance to express themselves honestly as me just wanting them to shut up.

I don't think forcing a change or making a change works, but over and over I have found the change happens naturally when all the emotion has been expressed and tapped on.  If you can connect with her again ask her how she is feeling, what she experienced, offer to tap with her whilst she expresses all those feelings.  Listen to her, perhaps no one listened then but you can listen now. 

Our adult self has alot more understanding and resources and our child self will take that on board if they trust us, we need to show them we are in charge but also respect the feelings of the child part of us.  Often we are rather impatient with these parts of us, or judgemental, ashamed even.  Just like working with a real child, it might be necessary to tap for our feelings about the behaviour and attitude of the inner child.

I hope this might be helpful. 

Gill

Hi Josie,

I have re-read all the posts on here and now think the following is happening.  A zero intensity may be given by your unconscious mind as a protective mechanism to stop you from delving further right now, whereas your conscious mind feels more than a zero but cannot access that emotion.  In other words, it's as if your unconscious mind is saying that it is not ready to go there yet.

I know many people say to work, at the source of the problem etc, but with complex issues of anxiety, I rarely go there first as a practitioner.  I simply go to a recent anxiety-causing event.  I'll give an example here from a book I have written on anxiety.  It may seem too simple, but it is gentle.  The wording and aspects are simplified even further from the official EFT, as I have found that this works.

Let us say the incident is "What Janet said to me this weekend".

Step 1

First of all, keep all the separate emotions about the event mixed together. So think of the event, with your eyes open, and consider the whole mixture of feeling you have about it, as if all the emotions were all in a bag together. To get the numbers (SUDS), you just need to find out how much negative emotion there is in this bag. There is no need to find out what negative emotions are in this bag. At 10, the bag is full to capacity with negative emotion. At zero, the bag is totally empty of negative emotion.

So, ask yourself if 10 was the worst you could feel about this event, and 0 was nothing, what level from 10-0 do you feel about this event? Having got a number or established SUDS, carry on as follows.

Setup:

"Even though I have this feeling about "What Janet said to me this weekend", I accept myself anyway"

Reminder:

"What Janet said to me this weekend"

Do one or two rounds of the above.

Step 2

Take SUDS (numbers) again. To do this, think of the event, with your eyes open, and again consider the whole mixture of feeling you have about it, as if all the emotions were all in a bag together. To get the numbers (SUDS), you just need to find out how much negative emotion there is in this bag. There is no need to find out what negative emotions are in this bag. At 10, the bag is full to capacity with negative emotion. At zero, the bag is totally empty of negative emotion. So, ask yourself if 10 was the worst you could feel about this event, and 0 was nothing, what level from 10-0 do you feel about this event? Having got a number or established SUDS, carry on again simply as follows.

Setup:

"Even though I have this feeling about "What Janet said to me this weekend", I accept myself anyway"

Reminder:

"What Janet said to me this weekend"

After one or two rounds of the above, proceed as follows.

Step 3

Take the SUDS again in the same way as above. If the number is above zero, then repeat step 2.

Carry on with steps 1-3 until the SUDS are zero.

Then we have to check that the negative emotions from that event really are gone. To do this, and only after the SUDS are zero, proceed as follows.

Step 4

Close your eyes and imagine yourself in the situation again.

Really try to see, hear, and feel the incident again. If numbers go up, then do Steps 2 and 3 again. If the number is still zero, the event is neutralized.

Dear Josie

Sorry for not answering to you earlier, I was on holiday. I haven't got a specific routine for tapping, but I think I tend to tap more when I am upset. I do not do it every day. I think this is a very personal thing, some days I tap 2 or 3 hours and then I do not tap for a few days. I do not think I am successful every time, but to be honest, I think it is difficult to judge immediately afterwards. A part from very simple things like nausea ect., when I tap for more complex problems it is very rare that I know instantly that the tapping has worked. For me it is more a wait and see situation and I just try to be mindful of slight change in thoughts and feeling in the days or weeks to come. Nothing for me has been instant and drastic, but slow and gentle; maybe this is the right way for me.

Having a therapist has been very good for me to help me on the more complex bits and to reassure me and to tell me that I will get there if I keep going. Something that I have personally found very helpful is to download recordings from other people and tap along. This makes me feel like I have somebody guiding me through and I do it even if it is not for a problem I think I have (have you heard about the borrowing benefit). Try Jade Barbee or Betty Moore Hafter's websites (just google them) and download the free teleclasses. I found them very helpful. I feel I still have a long way to go, but I have also already walked a long way. Good luck.