hello!

my name is marion and i am a 3 week old newbie to eft.  i have spend a lot of hours on the net so far, to get an idea of what i have to do in order to learn and help others to live an emotional life of freedom.

my biggest  problem is, that i can't sleep.  i am going through menopause, or perimenopause and i know that my hormones are going a little crazy.

i am not sleeping since about 2 years now and i have tried every natural and chemical remedy under the sun,  yoga, cardio, relaxing, late evening cardio, no caffeine, no reading at night, no tv, bamboo sheets, sleeping apart from my husband.  the sleeping pill ambience works fine, but i can't take it, because i don't want to be addicted to it.  it is a dangerous medication and for long term sleep it is not an option for me. 

i fall asleep ok most of the time.  sometimes not.  i wake up most nights between 3-5am.  i go to bed between 10:30 and 11:30pm.  i pray before i got to sleep and right now i read a book on eft.  emotional freedom.  i found some instructional videos on insomnia on you tube and i have done them.  they work somewhat, but i still don't sleep more than 5-51/2 hours every night.  even though this is an improvement from 2-3 hours before, without the eft, it is not enough.  my body is tired during the day and i get melancholy and listless, plus i have a hard time coping with my 2 teenager kids.  the ambien had always put me back to sleep, but the guilt of taking ambien plus the concern for long term side effects from this medication, made pray for something else and God showed me eft, by a godly coincidence. 

i have a wonderful husband, a good life and a lot of trauma in my past.  i don't know how to address my individual problem with sleep!

if you have any input for me, or somewhere for me to look, to get me in the right direction, i would be so grateful!

blessings

marion

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Hi Marion,

 The inability to sleep is the same as any other physical condition to unresolved emotional stuff. Just in the little you have given me here there are places

to start. "a lot of trauma in my past", " hard time coping with my 2 teenager kids", "concern for long term side effects", are all great places to

start your tapping. The fears, concerns, and anxiety that come up in our waking life are then released in our subconscious minds at night. We might just

dimiss them during the day but they might come out in the night when we let out guards down. Even the fear that you aren't going to get enough sleep is e

enough to keep you from sleeping. Tap during the day and what's happening and how you feel about it and your sleep will improve. It could also be something

that triggered insomnia 2 plus years ago. You could have experienced something that reminded you of all the unresolved trauma in your past that you have

not worked on so tap on your past as well.

If you get up in the middle of the night try rubbing the points (least stimulation), breathe, while going through the points that way. The YouTube videos are to

general to be effective. You need to be specific about your own life and it's challenges to do any good.

Alina Frank, EFT-CERT-I

www.tapyourpower.net

WomenWise Forum Moderator

thank you very much alina for your great insight.  for day i have been researching eft and i am reading a book about it at the same time.  i have not been sleeping for a long time that i am sort of kind of in a state of desperation.  my husband, even though he is a very open minded person, is still a bit sceptical about eft,and because of our faith, i had to research some, to find out that eft is really ok for Christians.  it is a tool only and it is a great one.  i research a lot to help my sleep problem.  i always figured, that with the start of my hormonal changes at age 47, and it really started with an indescribable hunger, that i could not satisfy, in my gut.  i was hungry for hours, painfully hungry, regardless of what i ate.  i felt totally out of control about this.  the hunger went away for some time, but came always back.  than i could not sleep anymore.  i went on a month long vacation to my family in germany.  i cried a lot there, because i felt, that everybody misunderstood me there and my good intentions where totally destroyed by the cold and strange behavior of my family.  there is a lot of detail, but my mom made me cry for hours and my brother too.  over nothing they got upset, just at the fact, it felt like, that i was me, marion, the now american-german, visiting from the states.  i felt totally out of place and could not wait to get home to america. my husbands ex wife died of cancer 3 month or so later, and we inherited my husbands son to live with us. until than we just a julia, my daughter from a previous marriage living with us.  we where a happy 3some.  my son is a good kid, but he is messy to the point that it drives me mad.  he is messy in a form that i can't accept for everyday living with him.  his mom was this way and i know it is learned behavior on his side.  my emotions can't separate every time i see the explosion in his room and the instant mess he creates were ever he goes and sits.  our family had a hard time adjusting because i could not cope.  i was not able too.  we had been taken to court by the ex one year before she died and we had prayed for here and she took us to court.  in the christian faith it is not practiced that you take people to court.  we as christians where shocked to the core when this happened to us.  my husband and i had no harmony anymore.  we had an excellent marriage so far and we are good now, after i self medicated myself for a while with herbs, tranquilizers etc. even tequila.  i was able to get my emotions under control. 

i am better now and when people look at me they see a spirited person, with insight and a passion for Jesus.  and i love God deeply and rejoice in the promises of the bible.  i have a hard time following through with application.  i have been also very jealous of a friend that moved to hawaii, where i lived for 7 years.  the friend was my best friend, and i was not able to shake of the jealousy.  i went into fortune telling for help on this, the i ching, and as a christian, that is a big no no for a christian, because we should not be subjected to magic or any other negative form of manipulation.  this is dangerous and i know so.  i believe in evil forces in this world.  but i was so desperate, that i could only deal with it, if i went to a tangible higher power.  i want to resolve all of this in a godly way and i don't want to dwell any longer on my past.  i tapped on the 3 sexual abuses that happened to me between ages 7 and 13! i tapped on the pornography i watched.  i tapped on my unworthiness.  i tapped on the unwillingness of changes that lingers in every human being.

 finally i decided to write in forum type setting.  i have prayed and believe now, especially after how you counseled me, that i need to figure this out for myself, but feel basically inadequate.  i have a feeling that i am on my way with God's help and people like you, that know more about the twisted souls in people like me.  sleep is more precious than gold and silver for me. i hope that you were able to somehow get the essence of me.

i love life, love animals, love simple beautiful things, love the beach, love humans, have a passion for loving others and i won't stop until i have found it.  i know, that i have limitations, and sometimes i feel that all  my thinking and searching hits the roof of my brain. people always say that i think to much!

i thank you from the bottom of my heart for you counsel and time!

marion

 You are welcome, Marion. Just reading over this next post I can pick at least 10 different things in there to start tapping about. It might not happen overnight (although it can I have seen it) but you will get relief by tapping through these issues. The are most definitely related. If you still can't do it then work with a qualified practitioner with experience in insomnia. A couple of things to remember if you still aren't getting results.

#1- You are still being too global/general. We know the metaphor for the forest or table top collapsing and still you want to do like the lazy baker's son, "Killed 7 in one strike" Well, unfortunately most of the time you simply can't. Break it down. Break it down. Break it down. The more traumatic (and don't judge here what is trauma for the next guy as it is very unique to each individual) the more you might have to take it to miniscule pieces. This shows up in my work with veterans where we might have to break it down to,"Even though I heard the sound of the incoming bomb,.." then onto,"Even though I am terrified as I look at my buddy's eyes .." We could be tapping 15 min on one incident. How do you know you've made progress? TEST!

#2- You are heading to la-la land too quickly. Sure who doesn't want to say beautiful, radiant, heart-felt, affirmations? Well when it comes to EFFECTIVELY using EFT you got to stay in the muck just a little bit first. I got another complaint the other day from someone who attends group meetings lead by another practitioner who does one round then has their group attendees immediately repeat a bunch of reframes like, I forgive, I let it go, I am over it.   Bull! You aren't going to convince anyone that something that was profoundly wounding is going to wiped away so quickly. Yes, I use my intuition to gauge when someone is ready to insert the positive statements but that's because I have been doing this for so long and I .... TEST! How many of us know really sweet, conscious, spiritual people that go around all day speaking nice platitudes and their lives are a mess? Don't end up spreading icing on a pile of manure. In the end it still stinks!

 #3- You aren't recognizing shifting aspects. Now this one is tricky especially when working alone. Make sure your statements are very specific (see #1) and then write down what pops into your head if you have to in order to keep track of your mind as it skips from emotion to emotion and scene to scene. This is clearly an advantage to working with a professional for your own issues. I stop at the end of each round and sense a shifting aspect however when I first began I felt more comfortable just asking,"Was anything else popping into your mind as we did that round?" If the SUDs hasn't dropped enough and you know you've been specific then 9 times out of 10 this is the culprit.

Hope this is useful. You can also get the DVDs on www.emofree.com to help you learn all this. And remember what Gary always says, "The way to fail at EFT is to not do EFT" Just tap! 

Blessings, 

Alina Frank, EFT CERT-I

www.tapyourpower.net

WomenWise Forum Moderator

thank you so much Alina, everything you had said in your reply was so true.  i have tapped a lot today and especially for patience.  it worked.  i am taking it now one step at the time and i will not get lost in lala land!  hopefully.  the only challenge i still have is the testing.  i am not used to the evaluation of my feelings.  i am so used to stuffing my feelings and covering them up, that i have a problem testing myself.  i am sure that i can learn this too.

thank you so much for all of your help.  you have great intuition and skill for looking into issues.  i am on my way to applying eft, so that i can be set free from the things that hold me captive.  i am really intrigued and will take my time and do all the tedious work with my subconscious mind. 

than you again!

may God bless you with all the wisdom you need to help others and yourself!

blessings

marion

That's wonderful. You are most welcome. I, like Gary, believe that EFT truly is a gift from God. And by all means be kind to yourself in the process as you will be peeling layers and layers away that took years to build. "I choose to be loving, kind, and compassionate with myself as I unravel all that led to my sleep problems" is a good way to end your tapping session.

Regards,

Alina Frank,

www.tapyourpower.net

WomenWise Forum Moderator

Hello Alina,

again thank you for your reply.  i feel very helped by your counsel and i am way better in my tapping than i was 2 days ago.  thank you for encouraging me to love myself.  that was still missing in my tapping.  i have this stern opinion about me, that i need to be harsh to myself and everything needs to be done in this guilty, my fault way!  i tapped a lot and a lot of stuff has been coming out of me and into my my thinking!  if that makes sense.  my core problem, the way that i see it, is the sexual abuse as a small child and the rejection of my mom.  if those wounds would be visible on the outside, the would be probably like huge burns or other horrible deformations.  but trauma is not visible.  we can hide it, but we will act out eventually and hurt ourselves and others even more.  that's why i believe, that i found eft, because God wants me to be healed from this.  my sister, she is an successful architect in germany, had almost 3 or 4 years of therapy.  in germany your insurance pays for this without your parents even knowing about this.  i never had any help from anybody for my sexual abuse.  my mom did not even believe me.

Aline, can sexual abuse be dealt with over a short period of tapping or is it a longer process?

i have no experience how psychology rates sexual abuse and what it does to the subconscious mind.  i felt when i tapped on the rejection of my mom, and some other painful thing, that my subconscious has me trained to believe that i have to pay to be loved.  my stepfather abused for about 2 years, and he complimented me a lot and made me feel special.  i payed with me letting him touch me and use me.  praise God he never had intercourse with me, but he touched me regular.  i don't know what happened in my soul through this.  does is cause me to never feel secure ever? Not even  in the arms of a loving God? that is my dilemma.  i have tapped on a lot, and a started journal my tapping's and inspirations, bible verses that come to my mind and i fill my self with prayer and God after i have emptied the dark chambers, that God brought to my mind.  i believe i am on the right path.  i don't know if i can do this alone, if this is even possible; but i know that eft is the tool for me to get rid of my trauma in less time then years of therapy and i have carried this stuff around me for too long.

Alina, i just like to keep you updated on my progress.  last night i did not sleep good.  but, it did not bother me as it usually does.  i rubbed my spots and waited.  i had a good tapping session this morning with lot's of tears.  this afternoon too, and i tapped and prayed without ceasing all day.  in the bible it says to pray without ceasing.  if i combine this with tapping, how can i go wrong?  i thank you for your time, and i hope that i can learn more.  my way of expressing myself is better.  i look at things differently already.  i like to believe that a lot of stuff is out of the way, but my journey could be longer that i think. 

i will be loving to myself, because i deserve love.  i was created to love God, others and myself.  i don't believe the lie anymore that i am not worthy of love.

if you can, and have the time, please let me know what you think!

many blessing to you, and may God grant you more wisdom every day!

gratefully yours

marion:))

hello alina,

 i just had finished writing a reply to you, and it disappeared.  hm,  but i start again, and maybe this time it will go through.  thank you for your advise to be loving to me and not harsh and impatient!  that is usual the way i treat myself.  harsh.  impatient. now, get on with it marion, do your thing, you are a strong christian women, you can do things.  but, it is not so.  i am just like the next traumatized person.  i am still hurt whether i like to admit it or not.

i have been tapping without ceasing all day.  i combined my tapping with praying, and for me it is a Divine formula. i pray for what i should tap about and i know than and after the tapping i pray and fill myself with God and bible verses, so that my subconscious mind is filled with good things.

of course i cried.  i was sexually abused as a small child (7-13) and my stepfather did the most damage.  it came to me today, through tapping, that i believe deep inside of me, that i need to pay for love.  that is a big revelation to me,  and my guess is, that a lot of abused humans suffer from this.  what does sexual abuse do to a human being?  is it like a big nasty burn?  or like a cancer that does not heal without treatment?  i don't know how psychology defines this kind of trauma and its damage to the human subconscious mind/soul.  i was not raped, praise God, but touched and used and probed.  bad stuff.  i tapped on it, but may be i am free of it or maybe not, i am not sure.  my feelings are often mixed, and i tapped on not being able to read and test my own emotions.  thru my mom's rejection in an early age of my life, i have probably a lot of other emotional damage.  i don't even know if i can manage to do all the work on me necessary.  i hope so.  i not christmas is coming up, and i wish for an eft course or session::)).  my sister in germany, had 3-5 years of therapy.  insurance pays for this and she was not sexually abused, but grew up in the terror of our home just the same. 

i just wanted to update you and i know that my journey might be longer than i think.  i know that i will get better, or even totally healed way sooner than if i would not use a tool like eft.  thank you for your great insight, and telling me to love myself.  that was like honey to the soul to me!

i like your honesty and i need that.  thank you for allowing me to express myself to you!

if you want to and have the time please let me know what you think!

may God bless you richly in all things possible!

gratefully yours

marion:))

Hi Marion,

Do I think it's possible to rid yourself of all that trauma in a few days time? Maybe. Do I see it often? No especially with the level of trauma that you have

dealt with. I think you can do a lot on your own but suggest that at some point you work with a skilled practitioner who has experience with sexual

trauma. It's a many faceted, multi-layered issue and for many slower is better especially if there are years of abuse. Don't give up your faith and

know that it's absolutley within the realm of possibilities.

Blessings,

hello alina,

it has been a while since i posted on this forum.  i just wanted to give you an update on my progress. 

i have been tapping daily and i also found a professional eft counselor on the net.  i have made a lot

progress.  i am sleeping better, not perfect yet, but i am hopeful, that this will happen soon.  but, not

only has my sleeping improved, but a whole different world of living and coping with life has been de-

veloped within me.  i really enjoy myself and life way more.  i still have a little way to go, because

i want to be free all the way.  i wanted to thank you for stirring me in the right direction.  people have

really noticed a big difference in the way i react and my thinking is so much clearer and better.  not

that i don't have melanchony moments or just a bit of the blues, but i allow myself to feel the feelings

and are not trying so hard anymore to change my situation, so that everybody is pleased with me.

eft is amazing!

blessing!

marion

Hi Marion,

I had a feeling I would be hearing from you soon. That's wonderful news! It's amazing how so many people just accept the status quo even if it is lousy. You had the courage to walk through and take the appropriate steps towards healing and now you are beginning to reap the rewards.

I am so happy for you!

Blessings,

Alina