Dear All,

 I'm new here and hope you guys can help me. 

 I have a lot of issues I need to clear but, I'll tell you guys the high priority ones first.

I've diagnosed as having depression and anxiety by my psychiatrist but I couldn't take any of the conventional medication like anti-depressant and anti-anxiety pill. My anxiety will go to high gear whenever I take these stuff and causes unbearable reaction (my psychiatrist said it's not the side effect of the medicine but my anxiety playing tricks). One anti-depressant caused me to have chill spell for 3 days like I have a freezer inside my body and the chill intensified when I was falling into sleep mode (imagine putting your hand on ice for a long time and feel it getting painful). The second anti-depressant made me have hot flushes and sweating until my mother can see my bulging veins on my forehead. Anti-anxiety pills made me even more easily shocked and the shock last for the whole day. So, I have to look for alternative and hope EFT can help me.

My most pressing issue is I feel/see the urge/image to kick, punch, straggle people and most of the time the target are my family members, myself or friends I really care about and people I'm grateful for (who give me good advice and support during my severe depression period. People who I would never want to hurt or see hurt, people who I love dearly. In fact they are the people I want to protect and want to give happiness to. Less frequently, the urge is on acquaintances or people I don't know. This scares me. When I see 'weapons' like steering wheel lock, I will feel the urge to pick it up and knock the person beside me or knock myself. Sometimes, I'll see image of my head getting bloody and sometimes I feel something around my neck. 99% of the time, I feel no anger or hatred towards the people I have urges on. I was not in angry more or anything, but, I just have this urge. Also, I'm not a violent person. In fact, I feel compassion for a lot of things. I don't even want to kill ant if I can avoid it and I feel bad pulling out weeds. I value life greatly. I feel bad for a long time after I accidentally hit a cat who rushed out in front of my car. I've never have any of these urges before my emotional breakdown (my emotional breakdown is not because of this). However angry I was, I never thought of getting physical. Only after my emotional breakdown during the end of January, I started having this urge and see myself hurting people. Luckily, my body has never listen to this urge of mine and I thank God everyday for that. Before the breakdown, I have only experienced the urge to jump down the balcony sometimes (not to commit suicide, just want to jump). I've look around the EFT official site to get guidance and came upon this article.

http://www.emofree.com/Anger-management/murderousimpulse.htm

This made me afraid to try EFT on my urges. I'm afraid of what will happen. My mom asked me to try dealing with other issues and maybe my urge will go away on its own. I'm currently using EFT to help my panic attack and it sometimes help, sometimes doesn't. I also do a bit on forgiving past mistake and on fear. But, I don't dare to go too deeply into it. I'm afraid of being too relax and losing all inhibitions and then losing control and really do something regrettable. I read a lot about how EFT healing past traumas or memories that inhibit your live and decision. Will I lost my sense of moral and value after I do EFT? This sense of right and wrong that keep me on track?

Btw, I'm also doing Ho'ponopono. I have anxiety attack yesterday, but, after a few rounds of EFT (following the clips on youtube) and repeat the Ho'oponopono mantra I can sleep soundly. I felt quite good when I woke up, but, when I still felt the urges, I started feeling hopeless and a bit depress and wanted to cry. I did a round of EFT again and able to relax and laugh. I don't really know what to say, so, I always just follow the clips on youtube (may God bless those kind altruistic people who put up the videos).

I'm also helpless because where I live, EFT is not widely practiced. Even psychiatrists are not many. It's hard to find a therapist I can do EFT with. The therapist I'm seeing that knows EFT and hypnotherapy has a tight schedule and practiced in another state.I only managed to have 1 appointment with him last month and the next appointment hasn't been fixed yet. He is very kind and gave me guidance through emails. He told me that I should be OK doing EFT on the urges because my condition is not the same as the patient http://www.emofree.com/Anger-management/murderousimpulse.htm, but, I'm still not confident doing EFT without the presence and guidance of a professional. I'm also afraid of saying wrong things that imprint the wrong message in my subconscious mind. For example, I'm afraid to say 'although I have these violent urges, I completely and totally accept and love myself' because I'm afraid my brain will get the wrong message and think it's ok to feel like that and then act on it.

I'm not taking any psychiatric medicine now, but, taking nutrients prescribed by a clinical nutritionist/naturopath who diagnosed me having hormone imbalance, immune system going haywire and slightly anemic.  

Please help. 

God bless everyone.

 Hi,

Have a look at this article on anxiety and how best to approach it with EFT http://eftcommunity.emofree.com/forums/t/4546.aspx. I would strongly recommend that you initially work with a practitioner or someone you can trust/feel safe with.

I am reluctant to tell you to tap on anything in your post as I think you should trust your feelings that it is better to tap on these hurt feelings with someone to guide you. I feel you will be able to access the deeper feelings behind all this. I think you have a lot of buried hurt that you may not even be aware of and someone else will be able to gently lead you through this and help you to dissolve it so you don’t feel the urge to hurt yourself or anyone else.

Know that you’re a good person and EFT can help you, it will not interfere with your sense of right or wrong or morality. EFT will help you love and accept yourself EVEN THOUGH you have these urges. It will help you to dissolve your emotions that are stuck and disrupting your system, making you feel anxious and depressed.

The very best to you and your healing

Noreen.

Thanks Namaste. I've read that article halfway but haven't finished yet. I'm trying to decide what to do. The therapist's schedule really is very tight.

I do not know why I have this urges. I'm a person who bottled up a lot of my feelings. Since my emotional breakdown, I've open up a lot and talk to my parents (and some of my friends) a lot about my feeling. I roughly know what made me depress and unhappy. But, I just couldn't link any of it to my urges. Maybe some forgotten trauma I didn't know or maybe it just came from the violent movies/books I've seen/read that lock in my subconscious mind. I don't know.

Another question different from the above. I've very strong attachment to my family. One of the things that caused me unhappiness is me regretting not being able to spend more time with them due to me working away from hometown. Many of my friends working away from hometown seem to get on fine. I'm also worried about their safety. I'm trying to figure out my feeling. I wonder if me losing someone dear to me when I was a child has caused me this fear? I still grown up ok after that lost. Will doing EFT on fear of losing family members lessen my connection to my family and made me love them less? I really value this connection to my family and I've become even closer to my family after my emotional breakdown because I've open up a lot of my feelings to them.

 Hopeful,

It sounds like you are going through a lot of turmoil, and I agree with Noreen - trust your feelings about needing to work through it with someone.  Did you know that you don't have to limit yourself to practitioners in your area?  Most EFT Therapists do work over the phone - in fact, some of them do all of their sessions over the phone.  Lots of therapists have Skype, also, which makes it easy to use a therapist from any part of the world! Look around at the responses of practitioners on the forums, check out their websites, and see who you connect with.  they will be able to bring you the support you need, and much more frequently than once a month.

Good luck!

Rachael Leah Harris

Hi Hopeful,

Hopeful:

Another question different from the above. I've very strong attachment to my family. One of the things that caused me unhappiness is me regretting not being able to spend more time with them due to me working away from hometown. Many of my friends working away from hometown seem to get on fine. I'm also worried about their safety. I'm trying to figure out my feeling. I wonder if me losing someone dear to me when I was a child has caused me this fear? I still grown up ok after that lost. Will doing EFT on fear of losing family members lessen my connection to my family and made me love them less? I really value this connection to my family and I've become even closer to my family after my emotional breakdown because I've open up a lot of my feelings to them.

Try tapping on (with a trusted friend or practitioner):

Even though I regretted not being able to spend more time with my family, I deeply and completely love and accept myself (repeat this fear of losing my family). Where did this belief come from?

Even though I'm worried about my friends safety and I think this fear came from me losing someone dear to me, I deeply ...

Even though I have this fear that if I use EFT to dissolve this fear of losing my family I'll also lose my love for them, I deeply ...

Worry, fear, anxiety are very often related to not feeling safe in the world and not having a strong sense of belonging. Working on feeling safe is very important for you which is why tapping with someone else will be good and important for you.

All the best,

Noreen.

 Thanks for everyone's help. I still have not tried it yet. The fear of losing is lessen now. So, I'll leave it. I'm still afraid of the lessen in love feeling after I do. Sorry for being so troublesome.

 I would like to ask. What is the suitable script for releasing pent up anger. I don't know why, I get irritable/angry very easily, even over small matter. I eventhough my mind keeps telling myself that it's a small matter and let go, but, the angry feeling is still there. I know there's something very wrong in me to feel like that because it's really a small matter and it's not even the fault of the other person. I read a lot of help books and receive a lot of guidance from people to take it easy, let go, use love to heal, think positive, don't need to get angry over small things. I am trying to achieve them, but I feeling really can't be controlled. Some few days, I'll be more positive, things look better, but then, the stress level will rise again. 

 I suspect that my memory is so bad now because it keeps trying to suppress unhappy stuff and stuff that I'm worried about.

 I read in another post about social anxiety and someone lists a few questions for the person to ask himself. I think these two applied to me very well.

- Would you be 'rocking the boat' too much if you released your fears?

- Would you be hurting anyone if you get rid of this anxiety (for me, tons of other fears and worries)?

 Btw, does anyone here believe in spiritual stuff?
I won't talk about it if no one here believe it. But, it has some bearing on my indecision/fear of trying EFT.

 Btw, I also have difficulty making decisions. Even small decisions, I will weight both sides and then end up not making any. I just have this fear of making the wrong decision that will cause irreparable consequences. Another problem is I procrastinate a lot. I'm not like this when I was a child or in school or even in uni. Maybe I did wait until last minutes to do my homework, but, that's normal with most kids. But, my procrastination seem to be getting worse and worse after I came out to society to work. I don't know it's it's related to my fear of making decisions. Or could it be I see no future in my work/or don't get my desire fullfiled in my work that makes me try to escape instead of facing reality? Like, I've downloaded the manual 'You CAN Heal with EFT' days ago but still only in page 15. I just delay reading it and prefer to read and do other stuff. There's so many problem in my head, I really don't which comes first.

 Or should I try on physical problem first, like my skin disease (constantly recurring rashes) on the same spot. 

 Also, my skin, flesh and bones has been very sensitive to pain after I got infected by shingles (the shingles was cured not long after). The strange fact is, I was only infected one of my shoulders, but,my whole body became very sensitive to pain. Also, it's periodical, it's more sensitive when I feel heat in my body. During this time, even holding keys will be painful. My doctor don't really know what is the cause.He just guess it's the after effect of the shingles. Blood test came out normal. Now, I don't feel this problem as intensely after my emotional breakdown (but still more sensitive than normal). Maybe because my mind is more preoccupied with dealing with my hallucination and violent urges.The naturalpathy doctor said the sensitivity is due to my haywired immune system amplifying the signals.Anyway, this one really not important because I already got use to it. Just some extra info I want to give out. Maybe I should try on this one first.

 Hi Hopeful,

You could try:

Even though I have all this pent up anger, I deeply ...

Even though I don't know why, I get angry and irritable so easy ...

Even though it's only a small matter but it still makes me REALLY angry ...

Even though there is something wrong with me ...

Okay, you've hit on something here 'There is something wrong with me'. Try and find all the events that 'make this belief of yours true'. I think your anger is hurt and because you have been repressing all your hurts because it (maybe) wasn't safe to express them they have 'turned' into anger.  It is easier sometimes to be angry because we believe it protects us.

I consider myself a spiritual person and feel that it adds to and complements what I believe EFT does. I believe EFT clears away and dissolves all the stuff that hides who we truly are; LOVE.

As regards your procrastination, there is still some part of you that does not want to let these issues go because maybe you would have to start doing things you don't feel ready yet to do? What is the DOWNSIDE to getting better? would anyone criticise you? Tap on that internal conflict, tap on exactly how you are feeling using your words.

Noreen.

Hopeful

I relate to alot of your feelings and experience.  Your symptoms can be very easily explained, although I understand difficult to accept and live with.

For a start please refer to www.strangerinthemirror.com which is so helpful in helping understand the 'why!

You can use EFT very effectively but you will need a specific approach as when we have these kind of problems we have different parts often in conflict,some that want help and some that want to hold onto the problem.

As Rachael pointed out you can get help easily over skype or telephone which means you can work with people who understand how to use EFT for your kind of issues.

A more creative approach is often needed which bypasses our concious mind.  Working with metaphors, body sensation etc is often easier as these symptoms are a way to not think or feel, its what we have to do to protect ourselves.  Also acknowledgement of these parts or 'inner children' is necessary.  That may be a strange concept at first, I know I found it to be so, but it is very easy to tune into those child feelings, you are doing it all the time!

These feelings of rage will belong to a very frightened part of you and will usually stem from earlier experiences.  I have very often had the experience of feeling as I did as a terrified toddler, 6 year old and angry 15 year old, sometimes all at once, which is horrible.

I have talked alot about this and my recovery from severe anxiety and depression and a mood disorder on the audio on my website and if you email me I can send you some more information you may find helpful.

I am happy also to recommend therapists that have helped me in my journey but as the article in the forum posts point out, our first job is to help you understand and even appreciate the nature of your symptoms.

Best wishes

Gill

 Reading again, I understand your fears of using EFT, a very common block is I won't know who I am, I am scared of changing, will it be safe for me and others if I change.  

I find that very often myself and other clients only face their fears because they are at the end of their tether or realise their family are suffering, its not easy for them or us to say lets tap all this away.  It can be terrifying, especially when we have not had an EFT experience.

You will in general however not be encouraged to delve straight in with EFT, an experienced therapist will gently support you and make it as safe as possible so you are never forced.  They will also respect your spiritual beliefs and not impose their own.  

They should also let you know that if you want to change words, or don't feel comfortable, that is ok, you will be in control.  You can say stop at any time.  Those were all things that were important to me.  The most important thing is finding someone you feel very comfortable and safe with. Which includes being able to let them know you felt unhappy or the session didnt feel supportive in some way.  This often happens when we feel very vulnerable and its necessary to feel that we have the ability to express these fears.

I have a history of being a challening client and I know every trick in the book:)  HoweverI hated my symptoms and loved my family.  The other answer to your worries is when I cleared the conflicts of love and the other feelings, I love my family even more.  Can I share my favourite experience with you, so you can see what I mean

http://www.emofree.com/Articles2/grief-into-beauty.htm

I really do hope you can find some help as I know that EFT has not only changed my life but also saved it and made it possible for me to have a wonderful fulfilling life, when a few years ago I was heading for psychiatric care!

Gill

Hi Hopeful,

Hopeful:

Maybe because my mind is more preoccupied with dealing with my hallucination and violent urges.

I posted my answer today at the same time you posted your third reply. As I said in my two posts above to your first posts, be sure you tap with a practitioner or a trusted friend. Please reach out for help and know that you will get it and feel better.

All the very best

Noreen.

 Hi everyone.

 Thanks for your advice. I'll rea all those material that you recommended. 

On the spiritual stuff, it's not that I'm afraid people will impose their religious belief to me. I'm actually quite flexible when it comes to religious belief since I'm still searching. It's because of an experience I have with a hypnotherapist (the busy thereapist I mentioned before). He did hypnotherapy on metofidn out the course of my hallucination. He initially ask me directly after I go into beta state. I didn't answer him, as my mind why didn't came up with and answer. Then he use the mtehod there you answer yes or not with your fingers. He ask the halluciation/images directly why they are here, can they go, etc. I don't remember the details Q&A. But, the answerr roughly is 

- the hallucination doesn't want to go

- the hallucination can't go

- it's controlled by someone

- the controller are someone dead and there are 11 of them

After that he woke me up and asked me how I feel. I told him I feel calmer and tired. He initially plan to continue investigate, but, after hearing that I'm tired, he stop the session. Ask me to bath in soda bicarbonate and put rock salt in 4 corners of my room. He also put a lot of good suggestion to me during hypnosis like visualise a sanctuary I can go to, visualise a protective cylinder surrounding me. But after I woke up not long after and try to go into sanctuary, I manage to add a monster face in it :sigh: He said me is going to have another appointment with me in March, but, I still haven't have an appointment with him since Feb.

Btw, my basic religion has been Buddhism for a long time although my family is not the really staunch kind. I remember reading a small booklet about past life and karma when I was very young. I don't know if it has add to my fear of doing something wrong.But, I still feel most confortable with Bhuddism maybe because I grow up with this religion.

But, I'm also attached to a spiritual organisation call Mahikari since I was 15 they believe in spirit attachment. But the main point of the organisation is giving true light to clense our body and soul. It emphasise a lot of doing service and offer apology to God for sins accumulated from past life and ancestors etc and need to be grateful and offer gratitude when suffering from sickness or financial clensing because that's erasing your karma and clearing the toxin in the body . I do not know how much this sins thing affect my psychology because I never actually dwell on it when I was a teenager. I also focus on the light part and the physical clensing part. So, I seldom take medicine when I was sick. But, there are a lot of miracles and good things happen to members in center including me. But, I haven't been active after I left hometown to work and my belief of the teaching has actually not as strong after I read many other spiritual books. But, I've joined back the the organisation and has been going to the center for service and receiving light for these 2 months. I don't know how accurate the hypnosis is or whether what was said during hypnosis is all true or might be my subconcious mind getting blurry. Can the subconcious mind be wrong?

Maybe he will be free in mid April. I can't go before april 15 either since I have made a promise to myself to go to the center  for 1 month starting March 15.

 The reason this experience hinders me from doing EFT is I don't know whether the experience is due to spiritual or past trauma/inner child.

Also I tried to do those kisology (finger movement) thing myself to decide whether to do EFT. Sometimes it give no answer, sometimes it give yes. at one session I ask whether EFT will heal me, it said 'yes', I ask whether I would hurt someone, it also say 'yes'. :Sigh:

Just give some info of the chronology. The doctors I've seen

 - A general doctor (prescribed me an anti-depressant that gave me cold spell)

- Another general doctor from the hospital (have anti-anxiety, made me more anxious)

- Hypnotherapist/EFT therapist

- Psychiatrist (prescribe me an anti-depressant that gave me hot flushes)

- Naturalpathy Doctor (this is the most helpful because his medicine did improve my physical body and made me my anxiety lessen and not fainting spell anymore)

Hopeful

I would like to clarify about the suggested website that it may  lean anyone someone to think I am suggesting a diagnosis, which I am most certainly am not. In fact quite the opposite, many people are misdiagnosed as having serious psychatric disorders but they are simply symptoms of trauma which has been totally repressed from the concious mind.

Much of it you feel may not apply to you, but also there is much I suspect you will relate to, including the explanation of how trauma can affect us and some of the symptoms.    I therefore am suggesting symptoms of dissociation are a normal way for people to react to trauma, and trauma of this nature can even refer to birth trauma,so it does not mean a serious psychiatric condition 'label' should be applied.  However understanding dissociation and why it could make me behave in ways I didn't understand and was ashamed of was very helpful and to many people I know who suffer these difficult manifestations of trauma. 

I have never experienced an emotion worse than a feeling I do not feel even belongs to me, adult me, of anger towards my loved one.  It was such a relief to find out that was my subconcious remembering a time I felt previously very unsafe.  

And sorry for the amount of emails, I am picking up on your panic and distress and am really hoping to reassure you here.

Gill

Symptoms of extreme anxiety, including mood disorders and hallucinations are a valid response to trauma. With many clients however I have come to realise that the before anything we need to work with the shame and horror of the symptoms before we go anywhere else.  

However it makes it challenging to use EFT when we are scared to go back to the events, especially when we cannot even remember them.  Self help EFT in these cases are at best innefective. At worst people feel they feel worse, although in EFT terms we know its means we are uncovering issues that need EFT application, hard when we still don't know what they are:)

Last night I was feeling extreme anxiety.  I tried tapping on everything I knew.  I don't panic anymore when I feel this anxiety, this is like my early warning system something is wrong.  It is usually a trigger from some past event that I have not cleared yet so when I get stuck I always make an appointment.  I have to tell you I discovered EFT and used it on others for a couple of years with a degree of success before the most awful case of trigeminal neuralgia had me reaching for the phone in desperation.  Over the phone I was able to work through alot of fear and anger about the situation in my family, with someone I loved beyond measure but was also at that time feeling afraid off.  It was miraculous, but I will still hold my hands up and say that even knowing how effective EFT can be, I still often wait till I am in unbearable physical pain. This has now changed as I have found people that use much safer ways of addressing these issues beyond.

Because of not panicking I was sure if I gave it time, but I found I was tapping too desperately so I stopped and listened to myself a while, just asking myself 'I have this anxiety because' and it came to me in a flash, it wasn't mine!!  I am primarily kinisthetic and visual, and in fact it was my familys anxiety as they contemplate going to my parent in laws home for Easter for the first time without my motherinlaw, who recently died.

As soon as I realised that the feeling drained, my system said Ah finally your listening:) and I could let the information come in.  Still need to work on the auditory skills so I can hear instead of having to feel it on a physical level:)