Hi all. I'm not really haveing much sucess getting over my depression. I think I may go and get some anti depressants or something. Does any one have any ideas? I am struggling to let go of my wife. She wants to move on and seems ready to do so, and I am just stuck in the tragedy of it all. I want to let her go so she is not worried about me, and so I can move on to what ever God has planned for me. I know that if it was so great it would not have broken, but I am so crushed! I really thought I could manage, but I am not. I am just wallowing in self pity, and it is makeing everyone miserable. I'm not being a real good example for EFT at the moment. How can I tell others how great it is when I can't help myself? There are so many "trees" in this forest, I just don't know if my ax is sharp enough, or if I even want to lift it anymore. Help if you can, sorry to bother you all with this.

Jim

Jim

I am so very sorry to hear about your loss.  It can be hard when we are in the middle of something.  I lost my mother 7 months ago and my Uncle a month ago and I have some very bad days.  I have had to ask for help, as this one was to big for me to do myself.  When my sister committed suicide 3 years ago I had to give up my LIFE and go on medication as my brain could not cope with the enormity of what had happened.  In fact  I appear on a DVD with Gwyneth Moss and this was what the session was about.  www.emotional-health.co.uk  She called my session Too Much Tragedy.  Some things are just to big for us and it takes us a while to process through everything.  I think the mistake I made was thinking because of EFT I should be doing better and feeling like I was not doing well enough.  There is still a natural grieving process to go through however and its much healthier to cry when I need to.  I am pretty sure if my husband said he was leaving I would be all at sea too and not much help to anyone else until I worked my through everything

Loss can have many, many aspects and many feelings so it can be hard as you are finding. 

The following is a list of some of these possible aspects

1.  Rejection, demeand, worthless, because she doesn't want to be with me,

2.  Fear of life without her

3.  Shame of what others will think now she has left

4.  Fear you won't find anyone else you can be happy with

5.  Hurt (pain, unhappiness, lonliness) of not having the person to hold, share, communicate, make love to etc

6.  Injustice (bitterness, resentment, betrayal) that he'she is unjustly harming , betraying or hurting you in this way

7. Guilt because you feel somewhat to blame for her leaving

8.  Jealousy if she is moving on to be with someone else.

9.  Anger because she has caused so much pain

10.  Depression (disillusionment, discouragement) that I cannot have what I want and can't do anything about it.

Probably not even an exhaustive list.  If you were to write down how you were feeling about the above you might elicit some suitable tapping statements including the obvious reversals.

Hope this helps.

Gill 

Jim,

Thanks for reaching out to the forums.  As someone whose been through divorce, I have great compassion for you.  In fact, I was introduced to EFT during the emotional chaos after my divorce.  Though it wasn't a five minute miracle, it did help me get through.

Here's a couple of thoughts.

1. There a number of different aspects you mention in your email.  The depression, struggling to let go of your wife, self-pity, feeling crushed, etc.  I suggest you make a list of all the aspects related to your divorce.  Then, next to each aspect write down a number from 1 to 10 in terms of how intense the feeling is.  
2. Start with the feeling that has the highest intensity level.  Stay focused on that aspect (try not to jump around) until you collapse it.  Then move to the next highest feeling.
   
3. Depression is often associated with strong psychological reversal.  So, I'd suggest saying the Set Up Phrase (the "even though" part) emphatically. 
   
4. When trying to move sticky stuff, drinking lots of water helps.
5. I needed coaching through my divorce.  It was too overwhelming to get through alone.  Might be something for you to think about. 

One other suggestion.  I wonder if it would help for you to do some tapping on being kind and compassionate with yourself.  For instance:

Even though I'm having a hard time with this divorce, I'm willing to treat myself with some compassion.

Even though I seem to be stuck in the tragedy of it all, I'm willing to be as gentle as I know how with myself.

Even though I am feeling so crushed by this divorce, I'm willing to consider the possibility that I can treat myself kindly.

I hope some of this helps Jim.  I'm sending good intentions your way.

Paul

Unfortunately, we get caught up in ‘til death due us part”, and feel it’s a failure if the marriage doesn’t last til the end of time. Maybe it’s actually “til the death of the marriage, due us part”.....there’s a saying that goes around the internet that some people are in our lives for a specific lesson, some for a period of time, and some for our lives. Sometimes a marriage partner, in this day and age, is in our life to teach certain lessons, learn certain lessons, and then be on their way.

Try to turn it around to a positive. Try to find some humor in the situation...”Even tho the marriage didn’t last, well, at least I’ve got the fish”....something like that! :) I’m not being callous here, they say miracles are often a change of perception.

I said to my son the other day when he was complaining about his workmate, and thinking of quitting the job.....”consider that he is your best friend, and being that thorn in your saddle to get you to take that risk and start your own business”....just to have him view it from a different light.

....I didn’t learn to drive freeways til I was about 40....and it was because the person who was suppose to drive that day didn’t care to get to our destination in time, so I got in the car and white-knuckled it to the class. Would I have ever driven freeways if that hadn’t happened and I was so ticked off I got in the car and got past my fear?

Maybe there’s a wonderful woman just over the horizon who is more compatible for you, and this marriage was for you to learn the pitfalls so this new relationship will be successful, and in 40 years you’ll look back on this time as very fortunate that you were available. Maybe your ex wife is doing the most loving thing she could do in letting you go and being free for the next relationship or free to move somewhere more positive.

So you can tap for:

Even tho this marriage didn’t work, I love my ex for her part in my life, and I trust that this is the right thing for both of us.

Even tho it’s hard to let her go, this may be the best thing that ever happened for both of us.

Even tho I never thought I’d ever be divorced, it’s really a learning experience in this high school called earth, and ( taking a page from ScientistGeorge's posts) I send myself insight and wisdom and miracles to deal with this and move on.

Good luck, Pam

Thank you all for your responses. Everyone has such a great take on this, I really do belive that EFT is working to help me through this. Thank you all for your suggestions. They have been helpful. I hope that I will get the dvd's one day so that I may be as helpful as you all have been.

Thank you all so much,

Jim