Hello,

          I hava an addiction to pornography and masturbation. I have been trying to give up for ages but I just keep coming back. I am in my mid twenties from a loving and caring family who has given my lot's of love and care over the years. I first had the problem when I realised what masturbation was and how to do it and I have just progressed to watching porn and being addicted to porn. I am a shy and timid person and I don't have a partner probably due to my addiction and the lack of confidence it gives me. I am trying eft using various affirmations looking at stress and worry of work, academic performance, depression, frustration of being single and maybe fear and lack of respect of women and to being a bit of loner due to being shy. I try to focus on each of the aspects but that part of eft i find a bit difficult whilst i am doing eft. I say the affirmations out loud but the focusing and registering of my feelings or addictions on a scale is quite difficult. This addiction is seriously affecting my work performance and general personal life so i suppose you can say the intensity is strong.

I would appreciate any advice and help.

 Thanks

jaycee2000:

I hava an addiction to pornography and masturbation.

 

I think masturbation/sex is different than your run of the mill addiction.  This is because sex is hard wired into us.  And most children (and adults), if surveys are to believed, practice it.  It is the main way children explore their sexuality.  It is a very convenient and pleasurable coping mechanism for underlying emotional pain, emphasizing the pleasurable.  There's a reason there are 6 1/2 billion of us on our way to 9. ;-)

 

jaycee2000:

I would appreciate any advice and help.

Here is an article about a pornography addiction.   Don't worry too much if you have no truck with entities, pretend will work.  It might give you some insight or relief to tap along.

 

jaycee2000:

I am a shy and timid person

 

My guess is that this is a presenting problem, that the real core issue is behind this.  However, unless you know the core issue (why are you timid and shy?, what purpose does it serve?), this would be a good place to start.  While you are tapping for this, be aware of any clues your subconscious sends you (pictures, voices, feelings).  They could be the next step in the chain back to the core issue.

Even though I'm timid and shy, I deeply and completely accept myself, I love myself, I forgive myself.

Even though it would be dangerous to not be timid and shy, I deeply and completely accept myself, I love myself, I forgive myself.

Even though the thought of being gregarious and companiable scares me, I deeply and completely accept myself, I love myself, I forgive myself.

Even though the thought of asking a woman to go out leaves me trembling, I deeply and completely accept myself, I love myself, I forgive myself.

Even though I've been timid and shy, I deserve and choose now to allow myself to act in ways that lead to happiness and fullfillment.

Finally, a book reference.  This one is about an unusual understanding of sex from a male perspective, though it has lots of good things to say about female sexuality as well.  Here is a link to the book on Amazon, though you should be able to find it in a library.  Unless we have done some work on them, our feelings about sex are usually the result of early childhood programming.  That might not be the best attitude you could have in your current situation.  Here is your chance to explore, and perhaps change, your perspective on sex.

Hello

Great info already passed along here and I hope that you have been able to use it and find some steps towards progressing to having boundaries with your addictions. This is what I wanted to point out ... boundaries. I believe, at least to begin with, it would be best to look at wanting to create boundaries rather than give up or quit your addiction as was mentioned, sex and pleasure which is many times achieved with masturbation and pornography are part of our everyday lives. So in order to be able to truly approach this subject, we must be realistic in our method.

The next thing I wanted to bring about here is the other emotional issues that may or may not be lurking here. Embarrassment, guilt, resentment, anger, sadness and then of course the all powerful secondary gain.

Slow down, take your time, don't have expectations of results other than following through with your practice of EFT and notice even the smallest of changes in this behavior and habit. Again, another issue to address, the actual habit of ... the 'foreplay' so to speak that takes place just prior to participating in this event in your life and notice what it gives you OTHER THAN pleasure while you are IN IT and experiencing it. Do you feel in control, powerful, guarded, alone, is it a form of punishment in some way and if so think and feel what and why.

Were you exposed to pornography as a young child? Did you happen to discover it on your own, perhaps seeing a magazine that was hidden in a closet or did you happen to see something on tv while peeking around the corner when no one was aware you were watching?

Just some additional avenues to explore when working on where to go from here with this issue.

Peace, Kathleen

 Thanks,

             I will try all of those affirmations.
 

Hello,

         thanks for the advice. As quite young child under the age of 6 I first came accross an old book in my fathers study with  what i believe to be nude artistic victorian images. That's when I realised I liked looking at pictures of naked women. Pornography I came across in my teens i suppose with other children from school like playboy. Explicit pornography I became exposed to when I was 16. 

I will keep trying the eft on all the various issues and note any changes. I think it will take time.

 Thanks 

I've not worked with pornography per se, but I have worked with sexual addiction. From your description, I think I would start by looking for shame issues.

Shame is a good fit here because of it's cyclical nature. If you masturbate when you are feeling agitated (repressed shame) then feel shame for having masturbated, you become agitated, etc. etc.

Shame can have come from an event, a religious doctrine (original sin), being an unwanted pregnancy (the mother and/or father constantly thinking they can't afford a baby, or the baby will ruin their plans), or being brow beaten by a parent.

In any case, you should find a good EFT professional to help you navigate this issue.  

Hi, There is always hope that you can be free of this. I have helped many people be completely free of desires for masturbation and pornography. It can be tricky, but very possible with EFT. You need to assess what is really driving the behavior. Others have mentioned you may need to get to why you are shy. In some way, these behaviors are a solution to a problem in your life...at least that what a part of you thinks. The reality is that it isn't a solution to anything. I have written a book on pornography addiction, and put together a six part DVD set on coaching a person through a pornography problem. Guilt, shame and regret are big drivers to the problem...if you send me an email I can send you a free pdf of my book. There are so many things that might be said. You can email me at: wholesomelives@mac.com. My book is full of good reframes and possible things to tap out. Even with a lot of good suggestions, sometimes we still need help from a second party. Sometimes we are too close to our own problems to see them clearly and know what is behind the issue. Kind of like asking a fish to describe water...it doesn't know life without it...so it really doesn't know what it is. Let me know if you want a free pdf of my book. good luck! Arden

 Thanks,

             If you could send me that book then that would be great. I have already sent you an email.

 

I did not get the email. Try sending an email again to: wholesomelives@mac.com, or you can go to my website: http://web.mac.com/wholesomelives and click on the link there. Or, you can post your email on here and I will email you the pdf of the book. Thanks, Arden

 

Hi, I am a licensed clinical social worker.  I have been practicing for about 10 years and I have focused on porography and addictions.  What I have found is that sexual thoughts can become rather obsessional.  There are several techniques I have given my clients that they have reported was very helpful.  One is the up and out.  When you get caught into the obsessional thinking.  Get up and out.  Change your environment. Typically, I would say go walk around your house twice.  This is a great tools as it allows you to focus on doing something other than having the negative thinking.  It also gets you outside which is always good.  And it gives you exercise.  Many studies have shown how exercise can have a direct correlation to help alleviate depression.  Any way, just some thoughts. Paul Peterson LCSW eTherapySolutions.com

 

Hi Paul, good suggestions. I'm curious, have you incorporated EFT into your work with pornography addictions as well as the suggestions you mentioned?

You know, I actually have not.  I am knew to this idea and am trying to learn more about it.  I have spent much of my efforts focusing on using a cognitive behavioral approach. I also use some of the 12 step program as well as getting others invovled in their progress so they have people to be accountable.  I have actually created a 28 day workshop, were the person addicted to pornography or masturbation can come each day and spend 20-30 minutes.  It is very therapeutic.  I will be launching this service in the very near future.  Thanks, Paul Peterson  eTherapySolutions

Hi Paul, I am sure your program is good, but I would suggest you take a good look at EFT. Whatever level of success you are having, I am confident incorporating EFT would help you to be even more successful. The pornography/sex addicts I work with are typically free of all desire for pornography in about a month, sometimes two months. Long term follow up is showing these people to remain stable. Overall I would say I have had more than 90% success with pornography addicts, and most never even have one relapse after I begin working with them. I'm not bragging about me, I'm just pointing out the potential EFT has in helping these people really be free of pornography. I recently began working with a young man who has not viewed pornography in about two years, but he has been stressed about it the whole time, frequently masturbating as he replayed old pornography in his mind. As I have begun to work with him, we have been able to resolve the underlying stresses that he was using pornography to tranquilize, and now after about a week his desire for pornography is significantly less. I also have someone else who came to me for another problem. He mentioned he had been to another EFT practitioner, but he couldn't work with her because she was a beautiful woman, which triggered his old pornography problem. He said he had been pornography free for nearly two years, but obviously was still feeling the pull if this woman was triggering him. When I work with a person, we clear such triggers and the person is really free of their problem, not just abstinent. So, take a look at EFT, it can really help. If you like, I can send you a electronic copy of my book, "Freedom From the Plague; Overcoming Pornography Addiction Using Emotional Freedom Techniques." Just send an email to: wholesomelives@mac.com and I will send pdf of the book. Good luck to you! Arden http://web.mac.com/wholesomelives

Thank you.  I really am interested in learing all the different methods. My goal is to give my clients the best treatment, so I am not sold to any one method.  I have just sent you an email, and I am excited to read your book.. Thanks, Paul eTherapySolutions

Hi,

    I have sent you another email again but just in case my email is jaycee2000@googlemail.com

 

T hanks