Abundance General Discussion

Re: I am just so tired

teann — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 21:03:12 GMT

LOL...I know...I get so tired of being so self absorbed. So I forget about it all and focus on other stuff. Then wham....you realize that it doesn't matter how you've filled your time, what you've accomplished, who you've helped, what you've earned or learned...you are still in the same damn boat you were in last week, last year.

Hooponopono was a bit too mushy gushy for me. Also I have found I have revisited my childhood so many times, I have created a monster that just isn't there. As soon as a practitioner tells me their take on my life, it seems to become just another dismal reality for me whether it really happened that way or not. I seem to be highly suseptible to their suggestions from a negative point of view, but unable to accept anything positive from them....not that they have many positive things to say. It seems to be all about blaming and twisting the facts until you feel like they would feel in that situation. To be quite honest, their are a lot of little things from my childhood that bother me, but usually they are not the things the practitioners/counselors point out. And of course I tap on all of it.

I am not about relationships in the loving sort of way and don't want to be in anything but the most superficial way. I want it all to be a game. I like it that way. I want to be admired superficially and respected for my intellect at a distance, and of course...lots of money to live independently would be the greatest thing that ever happened to me, other than those breasts, and an admiring man or two or three.

Re: I am just so tired

teann — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 21:03:09 GMT

And i wish you all the adventure and excitement in the world:)

Re: I am just so tired

orenda — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 14:37:23 GMT

Hi Teann,

Your first post in this thread was so close to how I've thought about my life that I almost could have written it myself. I was so sick of all the different methods for getting myself to accept what I had or setting my intentions to draw something better that I was going crazy. Somewhere along the line I realized that they weren't working for me because trying to get myself to accept and like what I already had was like repressing my frustration with life and lying through a smile. Intending to have a better life didn't work because I was doing it out of all the anger I felt that I didn't already have that life, and that I had had to go through such hard times just to get where I was.

Nevertheless, I trudged on and tried every method that came my way. EFT was a real turning point for me and helped me clear away a huge number of the false beliefs I had had that led to a lot of the misery and pain I felt. After a year or so, though, I felt that it wasn't as effective for the kinds of things I was working on and I was casting around for something to add to it. A few months later, something happened in my life that caused me to revisit a healing method I had learned about several years ago. It's called ho'oponopono and the idea is the same as with EFT but the method is different. Both seek to cleanse us of false memories, but I've found that EFT is good for certain of my issues, and ho'oponopono is good for the rest. They both bring peace through uncovering who we really are underneath all the false beliefs we have about ourselves and the world.

For me, that was when the final piece of the puzzle fell into place. I've always known intellectually that peace comes from inside and that no amount of money, vacation time, shoes, or breast tissue can bring that peace. But I still spent 50 years trying to find it by intending to have all those things, as well as an education and world travel. A part of me was utterly convinced that that was the way to happiness and peace. If I could just change my circumstances, then I would be happy. I did end up changing my circumstances somewhat by clearing away a lot of the false beliefs I had learned about myself in childhood, and I experienced a shift that allowed me to see that it wasn't things outside myself that were bringing me peace; it was that as I became more peaceful, I drew to myself naturally more peaceful circumstances. Since beginning again to practice ho'oponopono, I've experienced another big shift and become excited daily about cleansing my relationships with people because I've felt it bridge the final gap between me and peace. It's still very hard to convince my ego that I wouldn't be happier just winning the lottery and traveling the world with my husband, daughter, fabulous wardrobe and large breasts, but persistence pays off in redirecting it's focus to what has become far more valuable to me-uncovering the peace that was in my heart all along.

If you want to find out what it's all about, go to www.hooponopono.org and/or check out a book called Zero Limits, by Joe Vitale. And if you want to get started on larger breasts in the meantime, check out chapter three of a book called Chinese Self-Massage Therapy, by Fan Ya-Li.

I wish you peace beyond all understanding.

orenda

Re: I am just so tired

selfheal4me — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 01:02:58 GMT

Teann - there might be a clue to your the answer to one of your questions in your own writing. In a previous post you asked:

teann:
I guess I really need to know if tapping is just impossible or not. I mean I've tapped on alot of the same stuff about the breast size issue as Gillian, and got nothing. So why didn't it work for me, but it worked for her?

and in this post you wrote:

teann:
I don't know why I would want less. Its like settling for being ten pounds over weight when you can be perfect or settling for a C when an A is in easy reach. Why would I want to look at myself and say..."oh its ok to be deformed. Its ok to be teased and called a les-bian. Its ok that people think I should do their menial crap because I am not soft and pretty. Its ok that I don't look good in clothes because of my body type." Why would I want to love below average? I can't even comprehend that.

Gillian's approach was all around dealing with the beliefs and emotions she had surrounding being female, rather than specifically about breast size. She tapped to come to accept herself as she was and as she stopped resisting how she was, things started to change. I seriously suggest doing some tapping around the ideas that you expressed above - you seem to have beliefs that to accept yourself while your body is anything less than what you perceive to be "average" is something you are not able to do. The power of EFT is in us using the tapping to come to love and accept ourselves AS WE ARE, then change is possible. It is possible that this is why it worked for Gillian and it hasn't (yet) worked for you.

Just a thought in case of use.

Re: I am just so tired

teann — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 23:00:22 GMT

Rey...thank you for a very unusual observation (and for interpretting the typos), but it made me smile. I assume you expect I can spell if I have to:)

Re: I am just so tired

rey — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 16:53:13 GMT

teann: I love your writing. Maybe you don't know that you are a cool writer. Just write a book. Don't think about the big picture or a finished novel. Just write about one character: YOU. I can see in your posts that you have even the plot's seed already. I really think that you can turn all you are saying in a beautiful book or screenplay. You don't have to do it perfect; somebody else can ghost-writing it if you can't. Think about it seriously and go for it. (excuse my english if something is not correct please) rey

Re: I am just so tired

teann — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 21:29:46 GMT

PS the gratitude statements are fine. The only one that I don't care about is whether the weekend with the family was loving or not. I purposely work weekends to avoid them and I am very grateful for every second away and when I am not thinking of them.

PSS...West Virginia Girl. Yes I guess I do not uderstand. I don'treally care if there are women out there who want smaller breasts or who envy me. I know what I want and what I have observed in behavior surrounding the breast issue. I know I want to give anything close to normal breast size a try. I would like to be bigger than small average, but i would settle for a cup size....to walk into the underwear department and biy a real live grown up bra that fits! Wow. I have been daydreming of it my whole life.

I don't know why I would want less. Its like settling for being ten pounds over weight when you can be perfect or settling for a C when an A is in easy reach. Why would I want to look at myself and say..."oh its ok to be deformed. Its ok to be teased and called a les-bian. Its ok that people think I should do their menial crap because I am not soft and pretty. Its ok that I don't look good in clothes because of my body type." Why would I want to love below average? I can't even comprehend that.

Re: I am just so tired

teann — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 21:17:54 GMT

Wow. There are lots of great ideas and suggestions here, some of which I have tapped on before. I guess I really need to know if tapping is just impossible or not. I mean I've tapped on alot of the same stuff about the breast size issue as Gillian, and got nothing. So why didn't it work for me, but it worked for her?

Speaking of not working....I went to the doc for a chronic sore throat, and got no results. I guess antibiotics don't work either....lol. I am telling you I spend money and try to get hel plike anyone else and it doesn't work. I did get better on my own, which I kinda thought I would, but not before a lot of bad days...hmmm.

Re: I am just so tired

Sylvia S Ross — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 18:25:56 GMT

Re: I am just so tired

By Sylvia S Ross in Abundance General Discussion

Lets try this again, hope it comes out better, Sorry!

Teann,

http://www.emofree.com/Articles2/enhance-figure-gillian.htm

Above is an article by Gillian Wightman and how she increased her breast size, it might be helpful

in discovering historical emotional issues to apply EFT to. She went from a 32 to a 37 and is also

a moderator to the Forums.

Everytime, this subject - "I am just so tired" comes in my mailbox. Carol Look comes to mind, and an EFT exercise,

I post to members of my EFT-Cancer-Group once a month - it is from her Abundance Series......Interestingly!

EFT-CSG – DR.CAROL LOOK EXCERPT FROM ABUNDANCE SERIES

Even though I feel exhausted and tired all the time, I deeply and completely love and accept myself…...

Even though I have no energy, I deeply and completely love and accept who I am right now……...

Even though I am tired and exhausted and feel like giving up, I choose to recognize the abundance in my life!

Eyebrow: I feel so tired and exhausted.

Side of Eye: I have no energy and I want to give up.

Under Eye: I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Under Nose: I wonder what emotions are making me so exhausted?

Chin: I feel so tired I could cry.Collarbone: I’m tired of being tired.

Under Arm: I am completely out of energy.

Top of Head: I am exhausted and tired all the time.

SECOND ROUND:

Eyebrow: Thank you Universe for my incredibly strong body.

Side of Eye: Thank You Universe for the stamina of my body.

Under Eye: Thank you Universe for my vibrant health.

Under Nose: Thank You Universe for allowing me to rely on my body.

Chin: Thank You, Universe for all the times my body has supported me.

Collarbone: Thank You, Universe, for strength and stamina in my body.

Under Arm: Thank You, Universe for my overall good health.

Top of Head: Thank You, Universe for all the intelligence of my body.

Eyebrow: Thank you, Universe for all the energy that I DO have.

Side of Eye: Thank You, Universe for the overflowing abundance in my life.

Under Eye: Thank you, Universe for my incredible strength and health.

Under Nose: Thank You, Universe for such a loving weekend with my family.

Chin: Thank You, Universe for such a pleasurable work schedule.

Collarbone: Thank You, Universe, for all the many blessings I have.

Under Arm: Thank You, Universe for such a peaceful night’s sleep.

Top of Head: Thank You, Universe for those sharp insights that helped me in my work today.

Now, that I re-read it, the gratitude statements sound exactly what you have stated that you are maybe

rebelling about or saying you don't want. Did something else happen, some major stress disruption

that needs to be addressed?

Hugs,

Sylvia

Re: I am just so tired

Sylvia S Ross — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 15:33:33 GMT

Teann,

http://www.emofree.com/Articles2/enhance-figure-gillian.htm

Above is an article by Gillian Wightman and how she increased her breast size, it might be helpful

in discovering historical emotional issues to apply EFT to. She went from a 32 to a 37 and is also

a moderator to the Forums.

Everytime, this subject comes in my mailbox. Carol Look comes to mind, an an EFT exercise,

I post to members of my EFT-Cancer-Group once a month - it is from her Abundance Series......Interestingly!

EFT-CSG – DR.CAROL LOOK EXCERPT FROM ABUNDANCE SERIES Even though I feel exhausted and tired all the time, I deeply and completely love and accept myself…...Even though I have no energy, I deeply and completely love and accept who I am right now……...Even though I am tired and exhausted and feel like giving up, I choose to recognize the abundance in my life!Eyebrow: I feel so tired and exhausted.Side of Eye: I have no energy and I want to give up.Under Eye: I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.Under Nose: I wonder what emotions are making me so exhausted?Chin: I feel so tired I could cry.Collarbone: I’m tired of being tired.Under Arm: I am completely out of energy.Top of Head: I am exhausted and tired all the time.SECOND ROUND:Eyebrow: Thank you Universe for my incredibly strong body.Side of Eye: Thank You Universe for the stamina of my body.Under Eye: Thank you Universe for my vibrant health.Under Nose: Thank You Universe for allowing me to rely on my body.Chin: Thank You, Universe for all the times my body has supported me.Collarbone: Thank You, Universe, for strength and stamina in my body.Under Arm: Thank You, Universe for my overall good health.Top of Head: Thank You, Universe for all the intelligence of my body.Eyebrow: Thank you, Universe for all the energy that I DO have.Side of Eye: Thank You, Universe for the overflowing abundance in my life.Under Eye: Thank you, Universe for my incredible strength and health.Under Nose: Thank You, Universe for such a loving weekend with my family.Chin: Thank You, Universe for such a pleasurable work schedule.Collarbone: Thank You, Universe, for all the many blessings I have.Under Arm: Thank You, Universe for such a peaceful night’s sleep.

Top of Head: Thank You, Universe for those sharp insights that helped me in my work today.

Now, that I re-read it, the gratitude statements sound exactly what you have stated that you are maybe

rebelling about or saying you don't want. Did something else happen, some major stress disruption

that needs to be addressed?

Hugs,

Sylvia

Re: I am just so tired

WVgal — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 04:38:20 GMT

Teann,

I'm sorry. I think you missed my point entirely. Let me illustrate by telling a little story.

My sister has masses of beautiful, black, thick, curly hair. (She says it's "dark ash blond," but whatever. It's black. Real black. Raven.) I have fine, brown, wavy/straightish hair. All my life, I have envied my sister's lovely hair. I used to get mine permed so that I would have curly hair too, but of course it's never the same.

Believe it or not, after we were adults my sister told me that she always envied my hair! She thinks her hair is too high-maintenance and hard to work with. She actually thinks my hair is pretty for some reason.

So, you never know who might be looking at your flat chest and thinking they wished they had what you have.

Actually, in some countries a smaller bustline is quite fashionable. For example, girls in Brazil get theirs reduced and get their bottoms enlarged.

By the way, I got teased too. And grabbed. And assaulted. Once a boy in school actually ripped my shirt open in the middle of biology class. So what? Who cares what they think? I also got made fun of for being too smart and using big words. Do you think for a minute that made me want to be dumb? Why would I listen to the opinion of some grade-school kid about what I should look or act like? Some people will find anything they can to make fun of you about. It's not about you. It's about them, you know.

And why in the world would anyone want to have a mammogram? Thank God you don't have to have them.

My point is, how you see your body is an inside job. You are the one who gets to decide how you're going to feel about it. Some people might not find your body type to be their ideal; others might just love it. Presumably your husband liked your figure enough to marry you and make kids with you. But ultimately the only one who can make you be happy about yourself is you.

Re: I am just so tired

Rachel G. — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 19:21:07 GMT

Teann,

You *sound* feminine if it's any comfort. I'd come and give you a hug and a kiss if I lived nearer you.

I wonder if perhaps you ever made a vow or solemn promise to not be feminine, when you were young, or to be conflicted, etc, or to be poverty stricken or a slave or masculine or strong. Think back to the books you read etc, does anything stand out as having been a particularly attractive way of living? eg cinderella!

Sometimes when people make a vow or even just a mental promise, they can't go forwards with their life until they release the vow. For example:

ET I vowed I would ..... I release the vow, and I forgive myself for having made it, I made it for a reason but now I have better ways to get that thing, and I allow myself to inherit my birthright. I'm ready to deal with all thoughts and memories and beliefs and hopes and dreams that this has brought up and lay some outdated ones to rest.

I once read a very compelling book which extolled the virtues of someone who was really poor. Thinking back, if I ever made a vow to be poor, it was then, as it seemed a quick-fix solution to how to be good~ I didn't like behaving or co-operating too much, but I wanted to be good! I released the vow with EFT, and have seem much more money in my life in ways compatible with my values since then.

If you can't remember a vow, try "ET I may have made a vow but don't remember, I ask myself to remember what it might have been and why I needed to make it." or "ET I have a vow and I don't know what it is, I'd like to release it and safely lay it to rest".

I'm Jewish, and certain spoken vows are subject to very strict laws on how to release them, but it is nearly always possible. I know a woman who once took a vow not to have any children. Many years later she didn't have children and she went to a holy Rabbi who asked if she'd ever vowed not to have children - she then properly released the vow and did indeed have a child.

Perhaps you once vowed not to get any pleasure from husband, parents or children. It seems a shame you should be so guilt driven and so wonderful and yet fail to get any pleasure. Three of my boys are wildly playing football across the dining room now, two hours past their bedtime, and I'm alternately barking at them to get to bed and ignoring them - but I sure get a lot of pleasure from them. I wish it to you too, (if you want it that is) you deserve it.

Another idea might be tap on the ideas of family members, eg (ignore if they don't apply to you) "Even though I have these kids and I don't see why I need them, IDACLAAM and I send myself insights about how this benefits me" "ET i have this husband who I don't much like, IDACLAAM and I allow myself to explore what beliefs I've picked up about husbands" "ET I think the whole idea of family is outdated and created to take advantage of women, IDACLAAM and I'm open to creating a new vision that works for our family, and then perhaps sharing it with the rest of the world as well. There must be other women who are suffering and constricted like me." "ET I can't be bothered fostering a relationship with Mum, (and I do love her dearly) IDACLAAM and I'm open to the idea that she loves me very much in her own way and I'm open to the idea that I might one day get some degree of pleasure from that love"

Re: I am just so tired

teann — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 17:30:05 GMT

Rachel.

No conflict with the wife and mother thing in terms of desire. I simply hate it. I parent by instinct when the kids are little and guilt when they are older.

And all the other desires just translate to freedom without responsibility at this point. I haven't a really clear goal. It does change frequently because everything outside of my life seems wonderful and attractive and I want it the minute I see it....lol...then I see something else and I want to try it too:)

Re: I am just so tired

teann — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 17:17:51 GMT

No way. I want them...and naturally.

I grew up being called deformed and *** and continually having my feminity questioned. I want to be gawked at and thought of soft and slutty. I mean who wants to be moral?. That is such a narrow miserable death sentance.

Sorry about the back problems, but when you are as athletic as me, people dump all the menial stuff on you. I get to do all the heavy lifting everywhere I go. Other women my age (the pretty soft ones) ask me to do their tough stuff all the time, and men expect me to take care of myself. So my back is just as bad.

Half the people at work think Iam a ***. I am not just small...like an A or a AA. I don't have a cup size. The mammogram people say they can do men, but they can't do me because I am too small, yet every so often a Dr will sign me up for that misery and I have to face the humiliation all over again. "We can't do a mammogram.You are too small." "If we remove that lump, you won't have any breasts at all." "You'd be better off if you get cancer, then you'll be able to get fake ones for free."

Nope...I'm not making do. I have tried to look and act feminine in hopes someone might hold a door or ask me to do something girly. Hell I look so old now, I'm never gonna get a good man. I just want to be thought of as a woman...in the old fashioned sense...just once???

PS I've got a very high iq...I don't even care if they think I'm stupid. I know what goes on in my mind. Its easy enough to prove if I have too.

Re: I am just so tired

WVgal — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 12:04:06 GMT

I read your posts, Teann, and the subject of "big boobs" comes up a lot. And I wonder to myself, "Why is she so preoccupied with larger breasts?"

Believe me, coming from someone who has had big boobs from the age of 14, they're not all they're cracked up to be. First of all, seems men assume that if you have them you grew them on purpose just to make men stare. Really. I read a study once that showed that people believe that a full-figured woman was less intelligent and less moral than one with a smaller bustline. Don't even get me started on the back and shoulder problems, the indentations on my shoulders from the bra straps, the fact that I have a hard time fitting into clothes and finding clothes that I can wear and don't look ridiculous in. Forget all those cute strapless styles.

I can't imagine wanting all that.

What about exploring the possibility that you could accept the body you were born with, and finding ways to show to its best advantage the figure you have?