This is something that I've been grappling with since I started EFT, a week ago. Well I started it a couple years ago, but figured it did not work on me. I'm one of those difficult cases, or so it seems.

My questions. Take the statement.

 "Even though I ( ******* ) I deeply and profoundly accept myself.

Now are we basically trying to remove the charge from beating ourselves up emotionally over the problem? How does this get rid of the problem?

Like for me "even though I smoke, I deeply and profoundly accept myself" By saying this, aren't I reaffirming the very thing I want to be rid of? How does this go about getting rid of the problem?

 Also, what if there is no emotional charge to a problem. Like "Even though my father told me I was no good, I deeply and profoundly accept myself"

If there is no emotional charge to it or emotion, then should I assume that the problem is rectified?

Thanks, Kevin

It is very common for newcomers to EFT to wonder how on earth we can heal something by making negative statements.  Instead of reinvent the wheel, I've had a look to see what I can find in the way of answers already on the forum, and there is a great post at http://eftcommunity.emofree.com/forums/p/3235/18089.aspx#18089 that gives several great ideas on this.

knucklebrain:

 Also, what if there is no emotional charge to a problem. Like "Even though my father told me I was no good, I deeply and profoundly accept myself"

If there is no emotional charge to it or emotion, then should I assume that the problem is rectified?

On the face of it, yes, but sometimes it's not that simple.  If your behaviour still suggests that you do resonate with this, it could be that there is no charge because there is something else that needs to be dealt with before your subconscious will be ready to go there.  This is all part of the art of EFT which you develop over time, simply through doing lots of tapping and learning as much as you can about EFT.

Best wishes,

Jo

When you get a parcel with a gift in, if you just put the whole parcel on your shelf unopened, it can get in your way, be irritating, upseting, distressing. If you try to eat oranges with the peel on, it isn't so nice. That's my metaphor for so many things in life that affect us. Whether the packaging is the good bit, but there's a bad bit inside, or the reverse, as above, the compound is not much use to us until we examine it, take out the good and let go of the chaff. It's a process that we'll repeat again and again throughout life. Desire the good, examine the compound, release the chaff, be left with the good.

That's how I view tapping, it starts with an intention, eg for greater peace, money, freedom, relationships. Then one can identify a block to reaching this intention. Then one examines the block carefully, just trying to learn a bit more about it. when it's clear what the block is, exactly, and one learns a lot about it, it gradually becomes more obvious what is worth retaining and what isn't. The letting go of the unnecessary probably happens by itself when the package is examined from enough perspectives. That's why advice and forums are so useful, kind people here share loads of perspectives. The light of truth melts away the chaff. Fear prevents us from looking at it, or from allowing light to shine on it. I don't know why, sounds quite backwards to me. Perhaps we've internalized the idea that we're shameful, bad, or different if we have a problem or unpleasant experience. Yet, after the brave viewing of the event from an accurate perpective, the chaff disappears, evaporates or melts, and  what's left is the pure orange, or whatever the gift is. The effects are cumulative.

EFT reminds  a person that THEY are not bad just because the experience seems to be. it reminds a person of the possibility of change. That they can change. that they have changed. That they are changing. That there are stages to change. That many other people desire change.

That's not to say that life is only fun if it keeps changing. or if you keep finding things to regret about the past. I personaly believe you need to have forward goals to be able to maximize your benefits to EFT. Unless you feel like spending the rest of your life churning dirty water. But sometimes you need to do that, especially if one has been drowning for a while.

 Well that sounds lovely, but finding the blocks is the hard part. I don't really understand the metaphors and whatnot in your post. I prefer things spelled out in clear text, easy to understand, but thanks. 

OK sorry about the metaphors, it's just how I see it. This explanation may get you to get EFT to work for you in the way I'm suggesting. This may bring up memories or create imaginary traumas. Sorry in advance. Use at your own risk

You asked how saying "Even though I have..... IDACLAAM", can help alleviate the problem. I was saying that the techniques, which involve some degree of hyponotic repetition, reminders of love and acceptance, being part of a huge number of people who apply EFT, all together serve to put a person into a frame in which they can look at a problem more objectively. In the past, perhaps, the problem just seemed absolute, as if it was unchangeable, a fact of life. With the techniques of EFT (and I've only mentioned a few of it's aspects), the person is able to view the problem as

a) separate from himself

b) possibly changeable

c) this sort of change has happened to others, and even to himself, and even has happened in small degrees to this very problem already,

d) something that can be brought into and out of awareness.

At certain degrees of awareness, the problem is more fixable than others. For example, some people are able to give advice to a friend's issue very easily, but they themselves may have been suffering the same problem for years and they didn't think of a solution for themselves until they helped the friend. Perhaps that problem needed a longer length vision. Other problems need to be first imagined as if they were boxed up and sent into space (this is part of an EFT technique used for example when a person has an intense trauma.) From that distance, the person finally can start to think with a solution mindframe.

To the other extreme are issues that the person feels no charge on whatsoever, like you said, about your Dad. You can label it, discuss it, and you don't care, but perhaps a niggling part of you feels you SHOULD care, it isn't resolved at all. People might then try an opposite approach, as Gary teaches on his DVD's: TRY to get yourself worked up. Bring in reminders from the past. Get someone to imitate your Dad doing that. Listen to tapes of his voice or look at his pictures. Imagine yourself a little kid again - how would that little kid feel?

There are loads of forum postings here on "Inner Child" - which in one sense really means that when a person was upset enough as a little kid, they disassociated with the memory. In a sense, the person now is two people, the adult self, and the traumatized inner child. The adult believes they are a rational, confident person, but they often find themselves reacting in ways they do not like. WHY? It seems that the  sad or angry "inner child" is triggered in certain situations, perhaps those that have a similarity to the initial trauma. "It" then dictates responses to situations, and the helpless adult sometimes can't make sense of it all. I think we ALL have inner children, because who amongst us is totally rational and congruent all the time? The question is, what do we do about these inner kids? They're not real people, they don't need food or pleasures. All they need is a bit more rational understanding about the situation in a way that is understandable to a rational kid of the age at which the trauma happened. Then their "hold" over the adult loosens. So you don't need to call it an "inner child" if that feels too metaphorical to you. It's just a freeze in brain functioning. But to help the problem come towards resolution, it helps to realize that one has to come to an explanation that could have made sense to the kid at the time. But remember, you can't fool a kid.

So let's say your Dad was mean to you. You get no charge. My diagnosis: you have an "inner child". At the time of the incident, perhaps you dealt with it by saying something like "Oh that's just Dad he's a mean person and he did those things. I should have been more careful to keep out of his way". But now, thinking back, you have a clear memory of what happened with a stubborn zero charge to it. That might be a kid way of saying: "That doesn't swing it. That's not what happened. That's not the whole picture. I need a more accurate perspective".

 Hi Kevin,

I see it as being emotionally honest instead, the word negative is a label we put on our issues. We also identify with the issues and feel bad. We feel what happened to us is a reflection of who we are. Your body, your mind and your spirit know you feel this way so by identifying, admitting and voicing how you feel is a relief in and of itself. It takes a lot of energy to "lie" so to speak. Though feeling our feelings can also be painful as well which is why we can have so much resistance. It's like the amount of resistance we have is directly proportional to how painful the emotion we feel is. Combining emotional honesty with EFT which dissolves the disruption in your energy system that all 'negative' emotions create, is extremely powerful. The best way to correct the disturbance is to tune in to the "negative" emotion or the real emotion, the one you're experiencing that is causing you and your energy system grief. The truth is very powerful and being honest with ourselves and how we feel is one of the best ways to approach doing EFTand makes it extremely effective. When we don't like the truth of how it is or how it has been, it usually causes a massive short circuit in our electric/energy system, and EFT is there to dissolve this.

Hope this helps

Noreen.

Hi Kevin,

I am not sure if this is true of you, but for me it seems that in some that get helped and not, that the aspect of their analitical mind played a role to some degree as how much they was helped or not. Some of them, in their mind they had read and heard of some answers as to their problem or issue, they with in their mind was able to configure how this or that may apply to them, in ways they be like grasping for straws.  And they too with in their mind, just need to be able to have or put some kind of spin on if they get any bit or help, why and what is working or not, and thus they be like contributing more of them not being help. 

Noreen too spoke of emotional honesty, I think too that some that have a very analitical,sp, mind this may hurt how well they are able to be emotionally honest. years and years ago, I use to in my mind needed to be like in control or in a sense and feel that I very much know what was going on, and then one day I realized that my mind was getting in my own way of being and getting help. I had a Dr. Phil like moment of, seeing what I was doing was not working and why should I think in doing more the same, that it would work?

I just wanted to throw out this input to you let it be some possible food for thught, and know this, what I am saying, seem that a few look to the role how those with the analitical,sp, mind, may be with their own thinking be harming how well they may best be help. How I think some aspect of this reality plays itself out is like this. Some of them with their need to put any some kind of their mind spin on things, they be switching, changing, the energy of the work done on them, thus not allow the energy to be stable and better work. I think to each moment they put some spin on some matter in thier mind, they change the energy of it. And that very change of the energy leads to what may work, not work. So this is just my opinion ok?

Take Care,

Harry

PS:  So say if what I am saying is true, then what could too and may be asked, is a person EFT failing them, or more they failing it?

 Thank you ladies, what I find works best is dealing with the stuff that surfaces the most. The things that are always lingering in the back of my mind. Like one incident. My school had an open house. One of the teachers on the list for Science or whatever was wrong and I knew it. I was angry at my father at the time, so he stood in line for 2 hours to see a teacher that was not mine. 

 I crouched in the woods and awaited his arrival home and heard nothing but screaming for a 1/2 hour and eventually had to come in. He never physically hit me but the mental abuse and the screaming. He had the loudest scream of anyone I ever heard. 

 So I focus mostly on the feelings during these episodes and the emotional charge of the memory eventually dissipates. 

It's just hard trying to form the setup statement sometimes. Like with quitting smoking, I'm doing "even though I smoke, .. ... ..." but there is no emotion to it, so I feel it's not doing much in the way of quitting smoking but Ima keep hammering at it. 

Hi

I see self punishment and continued familiarity of that self punishment. Unfortunately even though on a conscious or surface level it makes NO SENSE WHATSOEVER to do something that is harmful or uncomfortable to our self, if it is something which occurred and became the norm, therefore acceptable and familiar to our, our Self and Being, our Spirit, then we will and do take on and find similar things to [re]create this familiar feeling and environment in which to survive, live, exist in. Make sense ... in this case meaning are you following me and getting what I'm saying here :)

So taking the story of your childhood memory and how you knew your father was going to be upset, even livid because of the having to wait and then finding out he waited for nothing, you allowed it anyway even though it was also going to be a punishment for you and your Self [having to endure the pain and suffering of listening to him scream ... but that's the way it always was ... again, familiar therefore in a weird way normal and comfortable].

Now to link this to your smoking today. Even though you are aware of the fact that it isn't good for you and can possibly be causing you harm and most likely is at least on some level, actually on the emotional level for sure because it's controlling you [your father] and you are wanting it to be different or you are wanting to give it up now but unable to at the moment and so this more than frustrates you [again that familiar, normal feeling of your father and childhood] you continue to smoke as it is a form of self punishment to [re]create what you know from the past ... the memories stored within your subconscious [sorry I tried not to use this word cuz I know you are a bit tired of hearing about him ... your subconscious lol].

So this brings me to the insight that you may want to work on other issues at the moment and as you work your way through them you will change up your inner landscape and strengths and then tackle the smoking issue and see what differences you run across? 

What do you think?

Smiles, Kathleen

 Makes perfect sense. My body is addicted to the feelings that I've been feeling for 39 years. Now where do you suggest I would start?

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I'm ok with the subconscious word. It's just odd to think that my SC is some 12 year old kid that is controlling me. If that is not the case then good. It's just thinking about a little inner child controlling me that I don't like, even if it is true. But I got to start somewhere and I really don't know where to start. Jo gave some suggestions which I printed out and will take some time with later. She seems to think it involves a lot of unresolved anxiety related issues. You seem to be saying something a little different, which is fine, I just don't know how to apply all of this to EFT. 

Thank you so much, 

Kevin

Hi Kevin

First let me ask you if you believe that EFT can help you? When you repeat the statement 'EFT is going to change my life' or 'EFT is going to help me forget the negative bs from the past and help me to quit smoking' or something to this effect ... what happens? Do you believe it or is there something that creeps in? Have you worked on this very issue in the past with your EFT efforts? If not I would first start here so that we can get rid of anything, as little as it may be or seem, that may be standing in your way to allow this technique to do it's magic for you and your self healing and guidance.

Next question I have for you and for you to ask your self. When you repeat the statement 'I deserve to be free of all this bs that's holding me back and limiting my efforts to be successful at whatever I choose to do in life' ... what happens here? You can even add in some more specifics to this statement such as 'I deserve to be healthy' ... 'I deserve to be happy and free from smoking' ... etc.

I've got others as you would imagine but lets start here :)

Hugs, Kathleen

 I tried it a couple times and nothing happens really. But the first time I read the first statement, "EFT is going to change my life" I felt dread for some reason. You know that sickening sour feeling in your stomach. I've had it 39 years :) so I'm quite familiar with it. With working out some of the most traumatic memories, the dread rotting hole in the stomach is mostly gone to my surprise, however the need to smoke persists. 

"I deserve to be free of this bs....."

 Nothing really happens. 

 I'll do it again later on when all is quiet. But that's the problem with most of the statements I ask myself, nothing happens really. I don't have any reaction. I think perhaps that being raised in a home with no love whatsoever has something to do with the fact that with certain things, I feel nothing. 

Kevin

Kevin ... This is perfect!

This is where you and I would start as me being your guide in therapy and you being the one seeking change and guidance towards inner self healing.

NOTE: ALL CAPS is telling you to put GREAT emphasis on these words or this part of the statement, even to the point of YELLING if that feels right to you but for sure make a point of differentiating these words!

SET UP PHRASE [I would suggest the Sore Spot]

ET I feel absolutely NOTHING ... I CHOOSE to be open to feeling NO MATTER WHAT

ET I haven't really felt ANYTHING in 39 years ... I am TOTALLY OPEN to feeling NOW love and acceptance of my self

ET my feelings were shut out, taken away from me, not allowed to be expressed and so they have gone into hiding ... I DEEPLY AND COMPLETELY love and accept all of me, including ALL OF MY FEELINGS, past and present, no matter what

Tapping on the Individual Points [Alternate the following and do so on both sides of the body as many times as you wish or feel necessary]

I have no feelings

I AM NOTHING

My feelings don't matter

My feelings are NOTHING

I've never been allowed to truly feel and so now I don't know how

I have ABSOLUTELY NO FEELINGS

After doing this several times, on both sides of the body, take inventory of your self and feelings. Is there any change? If so note what it is ... better, worse, different, what exactly if you can pin point it? This will be the shift in energy, obviously a good thing. Make sure to breathe deeply inbetween your rounds and/or whenever you wish. Take your time, LISTEN and FEEL the messages being given as they are there and they are looking to be paid attention to. Be kind to your self. You have the determination and courage to do this so it WILL happen for you, I promise :)

Now after doing several rounds as stated above we may want to go into ET I STILL HAVE _________ to continue to surface, acknowledge and then release. Are you familiar with this phase of the technique?

And then I would like to move into positives and some additional shifting of the thought process currently housed within your SCM ... we want to talk with that 12 year old and help him see that things can and will be different for BOTH OF YOU!!!

Much Love, Kathleen

Kevin

you said you had a sickening sour feeling in your stomach for 39 years. Presuming this is your age, did you actually have it when you were born? Do you have a memory of not having it? See if you can work out when it actually started. This might clue you in to a particular time to be aware of.

You said you don't want to be controlled by an inner child. Tap as follows, the question marks mean - if this applies to you.

ET it seems like I may be being controlled by an inner child, ILAAM,

ET I hate children (?) and particularly this one (?), ILAAM

ET I hate people with issues (?) I wonder where I picked up this belief from?

Etc