knucklebrain:

Well Garys book says to make a list of all the things that bother you and tap on them. That's what I'm doing. Am I doing something wrong?

No you aren't doing anything wrong.  For many people healing can be that simple, and if you are one of them that's great.  For some of us with more trauma in our backgrounds or other things going on, things can be a bit interconnected and there can be some things that have to be dealt with before we are able to clear all the things on our list. If you are clearing things on the list, then keep going with what you are doing.

knucklebrain:

It really gets to me that everything has to be so F'N difficult. 

This seems to come through a number of your posts.  It might be worth having a look at the earliest few events in your life that taught you that things have to be difficult and tapping through them and seeing if you get any shift.  Working with a practitioner could also help here, I've sent you an email with a recommendation of someone I know who is good.

For now I'd focus on the anger.  Tap on it while it's coming up, tune into anything and everything that comes to mind that makes you angry and just keep on ranting and tapping and see if anything changes.  EFT works best if we tap with whatever is going on for us in the moment, and it seems like anger might be right up there for you right now.  Take the sentences you wrote about what you would like to do to your subconscious/inner child and turn them into tapping statements.  Don't hold back.  The more you say it as it is WHILE TAPPING the more you'll shift.

Hang in there,

Jo

Sorry Kevin - I omitted to point out something very important in my earlier responses to your posting.  The standard setup statement (ET.. I deeply and completey love and accept myself) doesn't always work when we are having difficulty accepting ourselves.  It might pay for you to choose some other phrases that can work for you, like:

* ET... I accept that this is how I feel right now

* ET... I really want this to heal

There's a good article by Betty Moore-Hafter offering a few suggestions that you could browse through and see what resonates for you at: http://www.creativeeft.com/Gary_PTSD_book.php

Best wishes,

Jo

 Thanks Jo, I never got an email but Harry wants to help as well. I'm waiting to hear back from him as to what is a good time to call him. 

my email is unconventional at verizon dot net

As for things being difficult, I don't know where this belief came from. I just expect everything to go smooth all the time and I also am warped in my beliefs it seems. I mean everyone accepts the universal laws and the way things operate on Earth. I have always had a problem with the way things "are". I don't know where this comes from. Like say the pain in the knee I have. Now if I have free will and this is my body, then I should be the one who decides if I want this pain or not, right? Or so it would seem. So if I choose to not have the pain, and it persists, then I get really aggravated. So I stretch, I exercise and do all the right things, but I still have the pain. Hours and hours of time spent on healing, and it does not get better.

 This is what I mean about "why does everything have to be so difficult"

 I guess my way of thinking is not right, but what is. When I really think about it, I want everything my way and when things do not go my way, I get upset and I do not tend to bend, but be very rigid. 

 So I don't want to get too far off track here. I'm doing EFT daily. I notice that it's helping, I just don't know what is the core issue her in relation to the smoking. I often thing that I had no control over my childhood, so I smoke out of wanting control. But I don't even have control over that. I think perhaps  about the statement when I was young "I never want to be like my father - who despised people who smoke" and that doesn't lead me anywhere. I know he's right. People who smoke are dumb. It's a habit that does nothing for you, except drain $8 out of your pocket for each pack. 

I have to get rid of this habit. I feel like I'm 90 years old. I'm 39 and I should not have aching bones and feel like I slept 2 hours when I slept 10. I really can't go on like this. 

knucklebrain:

Thanks Jo, I never got an email but Harry wants to help as well.

There has been a problem with emails sent via the forums over the last couple of days, so I've emailed you directly at your address with the contact details of a good EFT practitioner.

knucklebrain:

 I guess my way of thinking is not right, but what is. When I really think about it, I want everything my way and when things do not go my way, I get upset and I do not tend to bend, but be very rigid.

You may well not like what I'm about to write, but what you describe here could come straight out of a book giving possible emotional/belief contributors to knee pain.  The knee is about moving forward and flexibility, and people who have issues with their knees are often quite rigid in the way they want things to be and get upset when things don't go the way they want to.  It may well be that if you can work on that, you find relief from your knee pain.  It may however be easier to work with someone else on this, as it's hard to see in ourselves when we are not bending (I speak from personal experience here!)

knucklebrain:

I'm doing EFT daily. I notice that it's helping, I just don't know what is the core issue her in relation to the smoking. I often thing that I had no control over my childhood, so I smoke out of wanting control. But I don't even have control over that.

It's great that you are doing EFT each day and finding it's helping a bit.  If you just keep on focusing on how you are feeling in the moment, the core issue will present itself when it's ready to resolve.  It may have already presented itself but you are finding it difficult to see.  Being rigid and wanting things your way tends to lead to people doing a lot of things to try to control what is happening or how they feel about it.  As a recovering control freak myself (my entire illness was as a result of my attempts to "control" my environment to keep me safe) I know how difficult this can be to see in ourselves.  Unfortunately what tends to happen is that the more rigid we are, the more we try to control the uncontrollable, the less in control we feel.  One of the things that almost inevitably try to control (albeitly without realising it consciously) is how we are feeling.  It may well be that the smoking is one of the tools you use to control the feelings that would otherwise come up.  It may be that a part of you feels it better to smoke than reallly feel.

knucklebrain:

People who smoke are dumb. It's a habit that does nothing for you, except drain $8 out of your pocket for each pack. 

Did you read the posting I referred you to on chronic anxiety?  If not, it's the first one in this thread and I REALLY recommend you read it: http://eftcommunity.emofree.com/forums/p/4546/25862.aspx#25862  If you want to heal, calling yourself dumb is not going to help. :0)

Best wishes,

Jo

 Makes sense about the knee Jo. I've done extensive reading / research on how our beliefs or attitudes affect the physical. I'm trying to convince my wife that her intense foot pain, which goes away and comes back for no apparent reason is from her worrying about my mood and worrying about money. So, we're working on her as well. 

 That post is a long one (anxiety). I'll have to print that out and read it when the ADD :) is at bay. 

As for focusing on the moment, that's what I find works best. Doing the EFT in the moment, rather than trying to conjure up a feeling - memory from the past to do EFT on it. Most of the time I'm working on something from the past and I can't really conjure up the feeling that is needed. So working in the moment makes sense. 

Thank you for your help anyhow. 

Hi Knucklebrain,

As well as the great suggestions here, I'd like to add that for some, tapping takes longer to bring the desired overall result.  But there are small mini results on the way.  Write down in a diary your mini results every day.  For example:

"I tapped on anger and it came down from a 7 to a 6."

Then when you are really feeling like nothing is working, go back to the diary and read your results.  That can be very encouraging.  Make sure you never write down anything negative, only write down the mini results you get. 

I hope this helps :-) 

 Thanks, by this time I think that I have some core block it seems. I go to bed a non-smoker and wake up and go buy a pack. It's like I'm powerless. Starting to smoke was the single most worst thing I've ever done. I have been a hate the world type of guy for 39 years. Nothing but anger and hatred for people and the world. What does any of this have to do with smoking? No idea. I sure do wish I could be rid of the habit. 

hi knucklebrain,

how do you know that taking up smoking was the worst thing you ever did? I suspect you believe this because you are finding it difficult to kick the habit. But presumably you needed it then, even if it is not serving you now. So perhaps it wasn't so bad at the time?
What I'm saying is that conventional wisdom seems to imply that if you hadn't just tasted that first cigarette you'd never be a smoker, so it was all because you were stupid enough to take one and then another. According to this theory, at the time you started you had a minor addiction, but because you gave in to that, you now have a major one.

I have a slightly different view to this. I think that an addiction develops gradually over years of having skewed beliefs. Sometimes a person has a lifetime of addiction to one thing, eg to moaning, or to biting nails, and then they give this up, for one reason or another - but their skewed thinking remains and so they have this hunger or need for another addiction. So they make address this strong urge to smoking instead. Nothing much changed except the nature of the addiction, and it obviously is less bad than the previous addiction in some way, and perhaps worse in other ways.

I don't know if I'm making any sense here. What I'm trying to say is that the "taking up"of smoking probably either happened shortly after a trauma, or shortly after giving up of another "addiction" - ie a compulsive behaviour. This may or not be easily recognisable. Eg perhaps it was escapism into the world of books, which then became unavailable, or being near certain "friends" who gave you an artificial high, etc.

I suggest you be very gentle with yourself, and understand that the addictions are addressing some NEED, and are unlikely to go at the snap of the fingers. I personally have seen how my "addictions" gradually reduce in severity but go from one to another as I address more of the underlying issues. What this means is that if you have an addiction, then you sort of use it as a pillar and pile on it lots of issues, it's sort of a convenient dumping place. So there will be a lot of things in that issue. Take it slow, it could take a few months to address them all. IMO, and not to be depressing, saying "I go to bed a non-smoker" is just a bit naive. What evidence do you have of this? it's possibly more accurate to say "I go to bed with one less emotional reason why I've been smoking, and I wake up disappointed that I still have some more left. Then I attack the other emotional causes. I'm quite exhausted from it all".

What if the emotional causes aren't enemies but rather friends, that served you for a time. Perhaps no longer needed. But they can be honoured and allowed to go their noble ways. With peace and calm. you don't need to hate yourself, and you don't need to hate them. You don't need to hate your previous choices, nor your present habits and addictions. I respect you for wanting to address them. I hope it takes you safely to a healthier level.

 Sort of makes sense. Because, when I think of quitting smoking, I think of something that I "need" to replace it with. I bought the nicotine gum thinking that will be my "new" thing. 

 Before smoking, I'm not sure what it was. I know I was a thumb sucker for a long long while, into my early teens. Perhaps that was replaced by smoking? I've always felt the need to have something I guess as I was around constant brutal fighting on a daily basis between my two parents. Perhaps that was my only security? Sucking the thumb. Sometimes when I'm in the car I'll go off into la la land and next thing you know my thumb is in my mouth and I'm like "whoa,  what the hell you doing Kev"?

 Imagine driving along and looking at the car next to you and seeing a 39 year old guy sucking his thumb? ROFL!!!!!!! Now that's frickn funny. 

 I've honestly gone through every possible scenario and basically burned myself out over trying to figure out if I have some core block. I found some good EFT people, but I'm broke and insurance doesn't cover EFT because that would work. They only cover stuff that doesn't work, like traditional therapy and drugs that rob you of your soul and will to live. 

 So I wish I could afford to pay someone that is really good. I need someone besides me to dig, if you will. Anyhow you gave me some good ideas so thanks. 

What I mean by going to bed a non-smoker is that I get it in my mind that I don't smoke. I do EFT, repeat affirmations, write them down, meditate, imagine, listen to hypnosis cd's. I feel real good. I smoke a last cigarette. It burns my throat, tastes like sh*t and I'm done. I wake up in the AM and the urge to go by another pack comes over me and it's like I have no choice whatsoever. I did go 7 days once on Chantix, but the stuff made me so exhausted I thought I was losing my mind. 

 I really don't know what else to do but keep pruning the traumatic memories of the past. 

knucklebrain:

I really don't know what else to do but keep pruning the traumatic memories of the past. 

If you are doing this on your own, that is a very good approach.  In addition to the traumatic event pruning,I think it will help you to tap on the need to have something in your mouth. The EFT points that cover this are mainly the UN and Chin, so tapping these together is good regularly throughout the day with "Even though I need something in my mouth,..."

you could also try tapping even while u smoke in the am which is perhaps a more difficult time for you psychologically. tap

ET i need to smoke in the am's, perhaps because.... I can accept myself and this smoking habit anyway.

when u can accept it truly (at least my theort believes) it can morph.

at least you will have more energy and insights when you stop fighting it and yourself.

ET i'm so embarrassed about this sucking the thumb thing.... etc(b/c this might be holding the smoking in place - when you can make peace with the thumb sucking, you won't need the smoking to cover for it. THen you can deal with the thumbsucking causes)

and anyway, the belief that people hink it's funny for a 39 year old to self sooth - think who told you that and tap on the memory.

 Well the thumb sucking doesn't bother me that much. I just think of how funny it would be to see some guy in a 18 wheeler drive by sucking his thumb. ROFL!!

I am not sure what you mean by "accept it truly". I mean I know I smoke, but I also know I could be like superman if I didn't. Part of me wants to smoke, part of me wants to be superman. That's the problem.