Addicted to unhappiness is the best way I can word it. Being sick and not taking your medicine...enjoying an injury for the attention it brings, simply not wanting to get better. Apathy. Knowing to an extent what to do to fix it, bur simply not doing it because to an extent, you like the pain, the hurt, and the angry feelings. It feels "right" because it's almost all you've known. I could really use some help. There's alot of baggage, and I just don't know where to start. I found out about EFT earlier this year, and have used it with great success with some big issues. I want to change. Anyone familiar with the Briggs myers personality test, I'm an ISFJ. I want to help everyone, and when you realize you can't, it's easy to lose hope. I feel like it happened a long time ago and I just didn't realize it. Maybe it happened when i was a child. I've felt broken on so many levels for so long...bad parenting, bad judgement on my part, society...whoevers to blame, I'm ready to fix myself. Please help. The writing on my walls has been "I hate you" "you're a piece of ***" "I wish I was dead"...never to act on it, more of a desire to just not be where I am, who  I am. How do I tap for this? There's more to it than what this post can say. Issues with everyone from my parents to my childs father...somehow there're all tied together. These triggers, whatever it is that turns my mind against itself. Help.

You have touched on something that I have been thinking about a lot recently and your message is wonderful as it outlines so succinctly where people tend to get stuck...."not taking your medicine" etc. As a therapist I get frustrated when I can't move past people's blocks and help them give up this addiction to unhappiness. I don't have specific recommendations for you right now, but I think coming to EFT is a great idea for you, and over the next day or so I will cogitate on how to titrate down the issues so that it isn't so general. What I love about EFT is its specificity and ability to move in on close to a person's problems. When we look at them from the micro perspective rather than the macro, we are able to make measurable shifts, and EFT allows that to emerge and be experienced. So thanks for sharing, as they say in the Program, and keep coming back. As you read the posts, see if there are specific incidents or thoughts that come to you and try to tap on them. You say "broken for so long"....I suspect it's a matter of finding the "cracks" and addressing them. Best of luck, Katharine

 Hi Katielynn,

There's comfort in the familiar, even if it's painful. What you've described from an energetic point of view, is massive reversal. Your energies are reversed so you feel the way you feel, apathy, despair and self sabotage.You can correct these 'short circuits' in your system with EFT.

You're willing to change and heal, that's great and that is your first and very important step. I think you've already figured out one important issue - losing hope. And it happened when you were a child, what specific events fit or match with a loss of hope? When did you come to the conclusion that you were broken? Guess, if you can't remember. I think starting here is a good first step. Have a look at the tutorials on being specific and aspects to help you with your tapping. If something big comes up, just keep tapping, don't say anything and tap until it subsides.

I hope this helps

Noreen.

I grew up with two severly alcoholic parents. Aging hippies, not mature enough to take care of themselves let alone a child. They divorced when I was 5 and Child support battles pitted me between my drunk parents. My mom grew up with a mother who used the silent treatment when she was mad and my mom did the same to me. A real conspiracy theorist, she decided in the year 2000, when I was just 15, that the world was going to end and we were going to move into the fifth dimension where Winnie the pooh would be our next door neighbor and the world is basically filled with gumdrops and happy. Needless to say, this never happened. I can't remember how young I was when she started that nonsense, but I'm sure it was taking place during some very formative years in my life. Started smoking cigarettes when I was 9, probably because she smoked in the car with all the windows up. Can't beat em, join em, right? 24 now, still smoking. Started with other things when I started high school, so my memory of all the terrible sh#* she did to me during those years is a little foggier. It all is to be honest. It just hurts, I don't know from where. There are vague memories of random nighttime rapages and drunken fury. What did I do? Now these issues are carrying into my relationship with my partner. How could it not? You learn that the first step toward loving other people and establishing loving relationships is to love yourself. I don't love myself. And haven't. For a long time. How do I get it back?

I can totally relate to every word you are saying.  My issues arise from my past and possibly, also my child's father.  I tend to do stupid things for attention but it is not the kind of attention that does me any good.  In all actuality it just makes things worse, pushes people a little further away, and then here I am trying to pick up the pieces for what?  I just recently started therapy with a wonderful lady who has directed me towards this site.  I am hoping to come to terms and to heal.  It is going to be a long road but one I am determined to travel because life can no longer go on as it has been.

I'd love to talk to you. How old is your child? My son is 2, and a full time job. Nothing has helped me more with my issues than eft. I've been searching for a long time, despite my young age. It's almost like I'm scared or reluctant to do eft on some of these things because it's a comfort thing. I'm happy with being miserable...until I'm not. And then I'm in the same place as you, picking up the pieces, for what. My childs father is a completely different post. God save my, for every good quality, he has the same problems I watched my dad and mom struggle with as I grew up. Taking silly things so personally, because what else do you know? How do I not take it personally? How do I not let your actions, or inaction affect me? Let me know if you'd like to talk. On top of everything else, I just moved 1200 miles away from everyone and everything I know. Not complaining, the aging drunk hippies are there, and it's really about finding a safe distance at which to love them....ramble ramble...I'd love to have a like minded friend. Katie

I totally hear where you are coming from.  Even though my parents were not drunks it still does not mean they were good people, by far.  My stepfather took away my soul when I was only 14 and we will leave it at that.  Before that I endured terrible abuse verbally and physically which did carry over into my relationships with men in my 20's.  I started smoking when I was 17 and still am.  Practically partied my 20's away...most likely to get away from the past (which did not happen) and because I just did not know who I was or didn't care any longer.  Too many bad things had gone down. 

Now in my 30's I am finally trying to find a road to healing and dealing.  I have gone back to college, which I dropped out of when I was 19 with only a year left to go (nursing).  It was pretty much forced on me...not my choice...to be a nurse, just because mom was.  Well I had and have no respect for the person I am supposed to call mom because she is still with the as**ole that took away my soul and sat by and watched me get beat.  Now I am in Criminal Investigations and I love it and am making straight A's.  That is one way to start feeling good about yourself Kate.  Go out and take a big leap and do something you love, something you have passion for.  It may not be easy but if you want it badly enough you can do anything.  Have you thought about maybe going to talk to someone?  It really helps to put the pieces together and understand why you/we do the things we do.  I can go on and on but I will stop here and you know you will be hearing from me again...:)