It was a fluke, really - maybe it wasn't. I happened to remember something that happened when I was a kid. I had beaten up a younger boy at school.

At first I didn't think there was any charge to it - it didn't seem to matter to me. So I decided, "If that's true then I should be able to replay the movie in my head without feeling anything." So I tried, and I broke down instantly. I was filled with a deep shame. How could I do such a horrible thing?

I had beaten him up with no reason, no provocation. He was younger. What made it extra bad for me was I didn't let him leave. After I had beaten him up once, he tried to leave, and I chased him down and beat him again. This happened twice more. Looking back on it, it was a horrible thing to do.

So I tapped on it. I played the movie bit by bit. I remembered the sun shining on the snow, and the color of his snowsuit, and exactly what I did. I tapped through it for a while, and I got to the part where I chased him down that first time - and that was too powerful. So I respected that. I rewound the movie a few seconds and just tapped on

"Even though I'm not ready to see that part of the movie yet..."

I used reminders like

"I'm not ready to see that yet"

"I may not be ready today"

"But I still accept that I will be ready someday"

"Even if that day is not today"

Eventually I was able to play the movie again. It was manageable now, and I gradually got through the whole movie and released it.

What really struck me though is how different that story is from other examples of EFT. The examples I've read (the emotionally-based ones) usually involve things that other people did to you. This is something that, even after releasing the shame, I still recognize that what I did was unacceptable. I did something wrong.

So I decided to apologize to the boy. I don't know his name, but I described him as best as I could aand threw my apology out into the universe. And I decided to make amends to him by learning something from the experience - I learned that I was angry because my father and older brother had bullied me, so I bullied this boy. And I promised him that I will release my anger toward my father and brother, so I will never act out in rage like that again.

I still have some remnants of charge to the incident. I feel it as I'm typing this. Especially:

A bit of remaining shame;

Anger at my father for bullying me;

Anger at my brother for bullying me;

Fear that other people would condemn me if they learned that I did this.

So that's what I will tap on next.

 Thank you Ricky for sharing this very powerful experience with us. As you have indicated, many of us have experience treating or recovering as  the 'victims' of such an event.  It takes a post like yours to show us that the bully is often another kind of victim, acting out his rage on an innocent bystander.

To  my  clients who follow this forum, please take note.  It can really help you to see the reframe that is explained here.

Mildred

 Thanks Ricky for sharing this story. Very brave.

Ricky, one of the experiences  that effected my life the most was the way the children at

school treated me from grades 1-6.  We were very poor, dressed shabbily, never had lunch,

I was always hungry.  Then to haft to put up with the awful taunting, and teasing,

them always tonching me then chasing their friends and saying,"you have gross cooties now", andd screaming,

running and chasing, and taunting.  It really messed with my mind.  Maybe those children grew up and realixed like you did that they were wrong in  how they treated me.  I hope so, and I admire you for caring about that little boy.  If he were here he might forgive your also, because people just mimic how they were treated.  ( I'm having problems with my computer, thus the weird order of this post.  :)  Arum