Hi Rosemarie,
I have ADD, and I know it can be very difficult for the families of people who have ADD. They feel very unheard. In order to surrogate tap effectively, you need to be able to be doing it for the other person's sake. So this can be very difficult, because often the family feels very resentful of the ADD person, or angry with them, helpless, or simply non-comprehending.
In my opinion, and this is totally my opinion and not backed up by any scientific studies or otherwise, ADD is not really a diagnosis, but a combination of frustrating behaviors. Taken as a whole it gives a picture called ADD, and it seems that many people 'have' this picture, this diagnosis. But I believe that it is just many behaviors, beliefs, paradigms, conclusions, all rolled together to form this composite that we call ADD. I further think that the behaviors, beliefs, paradigms and conclusions all come from being a Highly Sensitive Person in today's world, and they are all the result of unacknowledged feelings and experiences, like sadness, anxiety, grief, being let down, being cheated, pain, being ignored, being spoken down to, etc. It doesn't sound nice to say this because often ADD people come from lovely families. My own family is lovely. But as I resolve each of my symptoms, they usually seem to be connected in some ways to not-nice-things or experiences or beliefs that I was exposed to.
What I'm trying to say is that as you surrogate tap for your husband, you might as well know that it may take a VERY long time (I've been going for three years, and I'm still going strong, tapping every day). Each day I see major improvement, and my life is filled with light and happiness, thank G-d, but there are still many pockets in my life that need to be addressed. There are a lot of ADD symptoms, and there are a lot of ADD causes.
The second point to mention is that you are probably highly sensitive too, if you chose to be married to an ADD spouse and are also trying to help him. That's a very kind thing to do. But you can't take over his life, you know. Perhaps you might surrogate tap him out of some layers of his distress, but at some point, he has to choose to take responsbility for his own tapping, his own choices, the effect he has on you, and his own happiness. Although, it's possible that tapping hasn't been presented to him properly. For example, I have never tapped on the same thing twice (except right after one another). I couldn't - I have ADD and that would be far too boring! My life is an adventure, and EFT helps me to live it. EFT taps into my highly creative side.
Finally, I'd like to say that you will find yourself developing a lot of compassion, there simply is no other way. People really don't mean to be so difficult as ADD people can behave. But I believe that behavior is just an outer manifestation of how they are inside. Suffering. They are usually not aware of their own pain, perhaps it's too scary to face. They are often fearless or have a high pain threshold as they are out of touch with their very very sensitive bodies. It's an experience getting back in touch again.
Tap for yourself, on how hard it is to have compassion for someone who is hurting you, and himself so much. And get a tapping buddy. You need someone to vent to.
You are doing noble work.