Hi, I am hoping for some insight here, so any input would be greatly appreciated.

 I have been tapping recently for several changes I have chosen to make in my life, including resigning from my job.  However, I have been and still am experiencing a deep "inner refusal" to accept these changes. I guessed that this might be psych reversal, and so in order to make progress I imagined getting in touch with this part of me that is not being very co-operative. 

The image I perceived was that of a little girl completely crushed underneath a collapsed sky scraper- and a really big heavy one at that.  "She" is terrified of me doing any more tapping as I have already "collapsed" her world so much so that she can no longer move, and more rubble topples down on her as I tap the old stuff away. Now, I feel like I have done something awful to her , which makes me feel really bad/guilty/ashamed and can't seem to rectify the situation as the fear I feel when tapping is so intense & overwhelming.  FYI - I have tried tapping on the fear of the fear and am still not noticing the intensity budging.

 I have also tried the more positive approach of asking "I wonder why I am finding it so easy to get over this fear/finding it so easy to let go/finding it easy to relax" just to see if I can get the reticular formation to bring about some insights.

 I have been tapping for a couple of years by myself, and I do know the value of getting professional assistance, but you know this time I have the usual excuse of lack of funds (maybe should have thought about that before I quit my job!) as well as not having access to Skype.  I would really appreciate some advice on handling this situation. I have often had really good temporary results with EFT, but God knows I need some longer lasting relief. 

I really do feel that I can't move on until I have helped this "little girl" to do so first - I think she has had to keep holding me back for a long time now - bless her!

Thanks for reading this post.....

S xx

Good for you for having the persistence to keep tapping on your own for two years. 

shazm1511:

I really do feel that I can't move on until I have helped this "little girl" to do so first - I think she has had to keep holding me back for a long time now - bless her!

Sometimes because EFT is so effective at clearing things we can inadvertently take on an attitude that we are tapping to get rid of or clear stuff no matter what, and that can panic the parts of us that are holding onto things to protect us.  The more we can truly hear the little girl or boy inside us, the more comfortable they feel in moving forward with us.  You may need to take some time to hear the little girl and help her to really feel heard, then (and not before) let her know that you want to try using the EFT just to help her to feel better.  We don't need to take the approach that we are clearing everything out and making things topple over, instead it can be used to very gently nurture and help those frightened parts inside to feel like we are listening and that we can take care of them and keep them safe.  It can take a gentle approach to build the relationship we need to be able to do this.  Given that you feel you aren't in a position to work with a practitioner, I would suggest that you download the free teleclass "Creative Language with EFT" and it's accompanying free booklet and listen to it and tap along with it - it's available from www.creativeeft.com and contains some beautifully supportive language that might help you to help the little girl inside feel safer.

shazm1511:

The image I perceived was that of a little girl completely crushed underneath a collapsed sky scraper- and a really big heavy one at that.  "She" is terrified of me doing any more tapping as I have already "collapsed" her world so much so that she can no longer move, and more rubble topples down on her as I tap the old stuff away. Now, I feel like I have done something awful to her , which makes me feel really bad/guilty/ashamed and can't seem to rectify the situation as the fear I feel when tapping is so intense & overwhelming.  FYI - I have tried tapping on the fear of the fear and am still not noticing the intensity budging.

When you feel ready to, I'd strongly recommend some tapping on this image and how you feel about it, because it will contain a lot more of how you are feeling than you are consciously aware of.  Try to avoid analysing, and just tap with the imagery and your feelings and see if you can watch them transform as you tap (just allow the transformation by continuing to tune into the image or the feelings and tap).  Here are some ideas of phrasing, but use what resonates with you:

Even though I have this image of a little girl completely crushed underneath a really big and heavy collapsed sky scaper, I love and accept this little girl and all of her feelings.

Even though I have this image that all the tapping I've been doing has resulted in things collapsing on top of this little girl, I honour myself for tapping to heal and I let this little girl know that I want to hear how things are for her and help her to feel better.

Even though I feel bad/guilty/ashamed, I'm open to seeing this differently, to finding a gentle way to release things that doesn't result in anything toppling in and collapsing parts of me.

In my opinion pyschological reversal is simply a belief or attitude or emotion that hasn't yet been heard, that needs to be heard in order for us to move forward.  If we try to force the issue it's like trying to force a reluctant teen to divulge how they are feeling.   It's far more supportive to be gentle and compassionate and patient and let the parts of us that are afraid know that we will proceed at their pace and that the whole aim is that they feel better.

With working on your own you might like to try some different ways of working, have you read anything about Matrix Reimprinting?  If not, it's an interesting form of EFT you might like to check out, there are some details at http://eftcommunity.emofree.com/forums/p/4460/25400.aspx#25400  There is also Inner Theater which might interest, another variant of EFT: http://www.creativeeft.com/Inner_Theater_Resource_Page

This forum is a great supportive community, so hopefully you'll get lots of different perspectives and ideas and you will be able to pick and choose amongst the suggestions based on what feels right to you.

Very best wishes,

Jo

Sorry I just realised this was on the anxiety forum, so there is another resource that might be useful.  I suggest reading the first posting on this thread: http://eftcommunity.emofree.com/forums/p/4546/25862.aspx, it contains lots of ideas on using EFT with anxiety (it talks about chronic anxiety but applies to any anxiety that isn't moving with EFT.)

Thanks Jo for responding, you have shared some good ideas and I am very grateful for that.

I particularly liked the idea of just tapping with the associations of the image, and seeing what comes up.  I know I have had resistance in the past when I try to be too "clever" about my tapping,  so I think the simpler approach would be more effective.

At the moment however, I do have an inner conflict going on alongside this little girl - I have a very demanding part of me that is clock watching and is not very patient - it wants to get on and do things and I don't think I can until I have helped the girl become "unstuck".  Any ideas on what to tap on in the meantime to buy me some time?

Thanks for your help - again I appreciate it very much.

S xx

shazm1511:

At the moment however, I do have an inner conflict going on alongside this little girl - I have a very demanding part of me that is clock watching and is not very patient - it wants to get on and do things and I don't think I can until I have helped the girl become "unstuck".  Any ideas on what to tap on in the meantime to buy me some time?

When there are conflicting parts the key is to for them both to be heard, then things usually move forward.  There is often an order in which they need to be heard - it may well be that the part that is impatient for things to move forward is somewhat critical of the little girl and she is afraid to open up and reveal herself because of that.  My suggestion would be to let the little girl know you are going to talk to the other part in order to help move things forward, then spend time with the "demanding" part.  These sort of impatient, demanding and critical parts present as being very strong and full of confidence but they ALWAYS turn out to be afraid.  They are protecting us from things that they think will hurt us and behind their bravodo is the fear of hurt.  If you can tap very gently with the demanding part and build a relationship with it so it feels heard it will likely open up and let you know what it is afraid of.  Then you will be able to tap with that fear and things will most likely open up for you.

Post any time you want some ideas - when we are working on our own it's good to toss around ideas with others and get ideas for different approaches. 

Very best wishes,

Jo

Hi Jo,

I just want to say thanks again for your suggestions and support, it really has helped me enormously. 

I also just wanted to share my progress with this "issue"....

I tapped last night for both parts just letting them know I was there with them with no need to force things. I gently asked the "demanding" part of me what was the hurry, and why was it agitated? Turns out it was afraid of hanging around in case it got crushed under the rubble also! No wonder it was so insistent on leaving!

Anyway, I just tapped around this VERY GENTLY, imagining that I was on the very outskirts of a large circle with all the worry and pain in the middle. I kept reassuring both parts that I wasn't going to change a thing just yet, that it was not my intention to make them uncomfortable at all. I noticed some relief in the intensity which I was quite content with. 

Whilst I was enjoying the relaxation, a couple of memories came back to me from when I was about 3-4 years old. I know that these are memories which have been traumatic for me, and I simply have NOT been able to tap on them before. Turns out both of my "parts" were trapped and frozen in this past memory. I decided to use the Tearless Trauma technique (half believing that it wouldn't work BTW!!) to distance myself from them as they were so intense, and really I just wanted them to feel safety from me more than anything. I just kept breathing as calmly as I could whilst gently checking in with each part I was working with- always reassuring that I was not trying to change them or take anything away from them.  I have always tried to resist remembering the particularly disturbing belief that I developed during the actual event of this memory, which involved "monsters, demons and ghosts" (I do remember being completely overhwelmed as my 3-4 year old self!) Ever since then I have always had trouble being on my own, especially in the dark as my mind will race and play tricks on me in the panic - though being a twin I was often not alone as a kid, which was always a blessed relief!!

Anyway, I was just reassuring my 3-4 year old, when I noticed that the intensity was altering as I spontaneously shifted my focus from the little girl in the memory, to what was going on with the "demons". Again I didn't particularly want to re-live what THEY were feeling (LOL!) so did the "outskirts tapping", as I call it, on them instead.  As soon as the intensity lessened, I was able to connect a little more easily with them and my healing/creative mind was able to spontaneously reframe the situation for these "demons", creating a much nicer "ending" to the story than before. I noticed myself feeling compassion for them!!!! BIG CHANGE! :)

I re-checked the intensity of the 3-4 year old in the memory by focusing on her again, and I have to say the difference was very noticable - she is definitely not in agony of the fear anymore! I suspect there might be more work needed later on with her, but I am happy to let her name the time and day if and whenever she is ready!

I can't tell you what a relief it has been to finally be free of most of the fear that has deeply affected me for most of my life. I don't think I have ever really experienced such a subtle but definite change to my system as I did last night.

With much love to you Jo, and all who read this,

 S xx

Wow it sounds like you have been doing some amazing healing.  I'm seriously impressed at how you have been able to hold the space for the frightened parts inside you and help them to feel heard - what a gift to give yourself.  The sort of healing you are doing can truly move mountains. :0)

It's a real pleasure to have been able to offer a little support, it's always so wonderful to hear of the amazing healing that can come from just giving those parts inside us the space they need to be heard and to heal.

Good for you. :0)

Jo