Hi.It's me again.

I finally go to see a EFT practitioner. He's not a professional but he has advance EFT certificate. The only one I manage to find in my state. I initially went there to way to solved my breathing problem. Recently, my throat is stiff and block and sometimes I felt 2 lumps in it. I've gone to the doctor and he said there's nothing wrong with my throat. I talk about all my problems to the EFT practitioner and he decided to do on my hallucination instead. I still have some, but, not much. He asked me to try to accept it because only by accepting it, I can let it go. While tapping for accepting it and loving myself I started to cry and the issue suddenly lead to my brother's death again. Maybe that's the root cause. I don't know. But, I stll have the block throat. He ask me to imagine when my throat was most block and I felt the most suffering. But, I couldn't get the feeling up at that time. Only after I left and driving I felt the blockage and stiff neck again. 

How do I deal with it?

 Btw, I'm taking anti-axiety pills nowadays. started taking 2 days ago becuase I was full if fear and the chill spell started coming back. 

The first time I took, I can sleep through the night, but, the secondly I took, I still feel scared in the middle of the night when I try to go into sleep. My body will go into panic and I started to sweat all over. I think subconciously, I was afraid the chill spell will come back. The chill spell was strongest when I was falling asleep. I don't know what to tap now.

  I'm really worried I will go crazy.

 Lastly, I my ear infection didn't seem to go away. It just come back again and again. 

Hopeful

Do you remember we spoke about finding someone experienced with extreme anxiety symptoms such as hallucinations etc because it is possible that by not understanding anxiety we can feel worse.  It takes a great deal of experience to work with these kind of anxiety responses.  

The goal of working with these kind of anxiety responses is not to make them go, that will make it worse when they hear that, because in fact the parts of us that are using this coping mechanism can hear your therapist and his intention to make this go away.  The initial goal is to understand the function of this part and appreciate what its trying to do, only then can you have acceptance and then cooperation.  Its not going to go away if it feels that you really need it.  Rather this part has been doing a big, big job, unacknowledged, the problem it is stuck in time somewhere else and doesn't realise that it doesn't need to do it in this way.

Also another thing, I have made this mistake myself as a beginner therapist, someone comes with severe anxiety and says 'I want to work on this problem' and I say, well we need to look at what the BIG problem is. What happens, I lose a client, I upset a client or at worst I totally scare a client.  The reason for this is you have been through enormous trauma, to lose your brother, to feel even remotely responsible for this as a little child is huge. This kind of trauma work needs to be taken place in a safe therapeutic relationship and with someone that understands inner child and parts work.

If you are ready to do this work please consider working with someone with experience, not just because they know a little EFT and are close to you.  You can use skype or the telephone to anywhere in the world a low cost these days.

I sent you many tapping phrases to use when you feel scared, do you still have them or do you need them again?

Best wishes

Gill

 Hi, I havn't read through all pages of this thread so I don't know if someone has already told you this but what you have is a form of OCD. Obsessive Bad Thoughts, as they are called, are *just thoughts* and feelings. Many people have this problem, for example mothers can get this after having a child where they see themselves drowning the baby or other such things even though they wouldn't hurt a fly. Anxiety can probably make the whole thig feel a lot worse. I have had every feeling and thought you described, from wanting to jump off balconies to blasphemous thoughts to even never wanting to hurt an ant, lol.

The number one reason the thoughts, feelings, etc. come back is because you fear them. When you have a lot of emotion around something it sticks to your mind which is why humans have negative thoughts throughout the day way more than happy ones. A good book on the subject if "The Imp of the Mind" by Lee Bear, Ph. D. It is all about this condition of Obsessive Bad Thoughts and I suggest reading it as it's quite interesting and will teach you a lot about your condition. I also have social anxiety and sometimes depression, among other things. EFT can help you, it helped me somewhat but I am not completely cured yet.

Gill Wightman:

The goal of working with these kind of anxiety responses is not to make them go, that will make it worse when they hear that, because in fact the parts of us that are using this coping mechanism can hear your therapist and his intention to make this go away.  The initial goal is to understand the function of this part and appreciate what its trying to do, only then can you have acceptance and then cooperation.  Its not going to go away if it feels that you really need it.  Rather this part has been doing a big, big job, unacknowledged, the problem it is stuck in time somewhere else and doesn't realise that it doesn't need to do it in this way.

I agree. What if the anxiety is not the enemy but a friend?  It is trying to tell you something, trying to help you release the pain.  Maybe if we negotiate with it and work with it, then the time will come when it is no longer needed.  Then we can say thank you to it and wish it goodbye :-)