Dear EFT users and masters,

I'm fairly new to EFT but I have spent a lot of time in my life working on myself and helping others as well.

A few days ago I started tapping the idea that if I have success I will be punished. I realized through tapping

a lot that this was a major issue for me so I started like this.

KCP

Even though I think that if I have success I will be punished, I completely and deeply love and accept myself

Even though I feel it is not safe to have success,....

Even though I have this idea that my physical safety and well-being will be threatened if I stand out,......

EB

This belief/fear that if I succeed I will be punished....

 After one round I started to come in contact with my inner child so I started tapping on the dialogue
that was going on between the adult part of me and the child that was 4 years old and I discovered
a very strong inner conflict between the desire to kill or punish my parents and be an perfect harmless
kind angel that I believed I was at the time.

When I was 4, my parents fought in front of me and I didn't make much difference between my parents and I at the time
so I took the blame for everything. My mom had called me on purpose in the hopes that my father wouldn't
hurt her if I was there as witness. This strategy didn't work and my father started hiting my mom with a table
cloth several times. This is the only event that I remember but it is strong.

What I didn't know is how much I hated my parents for putting me in the middle of all this.
While I was tapping I even said I want to kill them or why did they bring me to life to pour
their hatred inside of me. I don't remember the whole dialog but I felt I could never forgive
them. That they deserved to be punished. I realized then that I decided to be a failure to punish
them out of hatred and resentment. It's a deal I made with myself. The inner child had trouble
letting go of that anger and of that deal. It seemed that the self-inflicted hatred and punishment that the
inner child was keeping alive was also serving as a way to bond with its parents. At that point I had to
stop. It was such a shock to me that I who I believe to be kind and spiritual suffered from this underlying
hatred, resentment and anger for all this years, I became very sick and had to sleep for 3 days in a row.
I kept tapping when I could be awake. I still feel very weak.
I'm in a situation where I can make it happen for me or become bankrupt. I have all the resources, the ideas
but that "secret" deal that caused guilt, shame and self-blame for most of my life has to go.

I'm afraid to let it go as if it was friend, as if it was helping me. I can't accept to imagine myself successful. Ultimately,
I think I'm a bad person who doesn't deserve. It's very hard to let go of that part of me and I'm very scared. I think I used my
anger and my hatred to make me feel safe and protected from physical danger, from harm and injustice. It doesn't work but
my inner child is convinced it does. My father was very judgmental and critized me a lot. He also always kept putting me
in situation where I could never succeed and I felt very humiliated by this. I also used hatred, anger and resentment to
protect me. My hatred almost never got out because I know that ultemately I was born a good an loving person so it
has been extremely painful frustrating and debilitating to walk around with all that hatered and anger.

EFT has clarified all this in less than 3 weeks. I must say though that I did go through therapy for a year and half and
I feel I'm good at being self-aware and  I also feel I have very good intuition. Actually, I often feel quite talented but
incapable of succeeding because of an invisible wall that tells me it's not safe and that I'm a bad person and I don't deserve.
Every time I have seen success coming into my life, I have felt sick or sabotaged it.

Can EFT really help me? I have a lot to give to this world. I have felt very frustrated because I never was able to
write books or screenplays or do all the things that truly mattered to me. I feel that I'm not only depriving myself
but the World also of all the good things I can do and give. I came to this world with a strong sense of purpose and love and
I've felt stuck since the age of 4.

Can EFT be so intense often. It really felt like a bomb exploded inside of me when I did the inner child tapping.
I wanted to stop but I didn't because I usually feel relief after a while. I didn't feel relief at all. I just fell out of exhaustion.

Please let me know what you think.

UHU:

Can EFT really help me?

With your amzing level of self awareness, EFT will be a very good tool for you.  The distance you've travelled already with it is amazing and shows you already know how to tune in to your issues quickly.  What you will need to find is a way of working with your issues that let them unfold and heal in the time that your inner child needs them too, rather than rushing them.  I would imagine your exhaustion comes from so much coming up so quickly.  It's just awesome that you are allowing yourself to process like this, and now some patience and spending time laying a good foundation with your inner child will really ease the way forward.

There are patterns and beliefs and emotions that we take on as protection that definately do take on an energy like a friend, that can be hard to let go of.  This is particularly so when things have happened to us that make us feel unsafe.  I've found the key is to respect those inner parts of us, and allow them the time they need to heal.  While we may have been on a healing path for some time, until we truly start listening to them, they've been frozen in time, stuck in the patterns they took on.  You have really started listening to your inner child, hence all the revelations, and you will need to honour that being heard and things shifting is a new thing for her, so she may need some time to adjust.  And even more important than time, she needs to continue to be heard in a way that you build the trust with her - she may be a little suspicious that your listening to her won't last, or that you want to get rid of her.  We really do need to take the time to build a relationship with the little ones inside us - so much happened to destroy their trust, and we can't expect them to want to heal on our timetable.

There are a couple of strong metaphors in your posting that I would really recommend tapping on before going further into the actual issues:

UHU:

It really felt like a bomb exploded inside of me when I did the inner child tapping.

Even though it really felt like a bomb exploded inside of me when I did the inner child tapping, I deeply and completely love and accept me and my inner child and all that we are both feeling.

UHU:

incapable of succeeding because of an invisible wall that tells me it's not safe and that I'm a bad person and I don't deserve.

Even though I feel incapable of succeeding because of an invisible wall that tells me it's not safe and that I'm a bad peson and I don't deserve, I deeply and completely love and accept myself and this brick wall.

If you are a visual person or like working with imaginaton, it might be worth spending some time visualising the bomb and the brick wall and seeing if you can get more of a feel for them, and tap on anything specific that comes up, you might even be able to tap while visualising them and see what changes.

In my own personal healing I've found that the biggest thing of all is self acceptance.  As we come to be able to accept ourselves and all of our feelings, they miraculously start to change.  If we take an approach of wanting to get rid of things, we continually butt up against resistance.  If we can find a way to accept that everything we do is because a part of us believes it is the best way to stay safe, it's much easier to heal.  There is a tapping script that Jaqui Crook has on her website that I find fantastic for opening things up, you can use it for anything that you want to do but don't, any area you find yourself sabotaging - http://emotional-freedom-technique.net/article.php?subcatid=27

In my experience, once the parts of us that are holding onto something we want to let go of it have truly been heard, in every aspect they need to share, they tend to take on a new role in our lives and become more integrated with us.  Listening is the key, and EFT is a great tool to help us to do this.  As you build a relationship with your inner child, you will see things changing.

I have a toy dog that I have as a tapping buddy for my inner child.  She loves him, she knows he's safe to tell anything to and he won't share it with anyone.  He never judges her.  He's cuddly.  Sometimes when things come up that overwhelm me, I tap on him instead of me, it gives me a little distance, and I use "Even though you..." language, talking to my inner child as I tap.

Another resource that might be worth checking out is Matrix Reimprinting. You can find several resources online about this listed at this Introduction to Matrix Reimprinting. 

One final thought - it might be well worth considering a few sessions with a really experienced EFT practitioner who specialises in inner child work.  Sometimes it can help having a third party involved, and often it makes our inner children feel safer if there is someone else guiding the process.  This may not be necessary for you, it's just something to consider if it resonates.  I do the bulk of my healing on my own, but sometimes I fit a big "I'm not safe" kind of issue and find it doesn't open up for me on my own, whereas it will if I tap with a trusted friend sitting with me (and my tapping buddy dog!)

Very best wishes on your healing journey,

Jo

UHU, I agree with Jo, you have huge insight into yourself. As Jo says "As we come to be able to accept ourselves and all of our feelings, they miraculously start to change". I've found this to be so true, just feeling your feelings and allowing them to be there instead of pushing them away or wanting to get rid of them is healing. Imagine your feelings represent that little girl, would you push her away and say get lost? No, you wouldn't, you'd probably say "I'm here, I'm not going anywhere and I am listening".

One thing about anger, I think it's very healthy when it's a way of saying stop to an unhealthy situation. But often the anger we carry from childhood is hurt (in my opinion). It makes us (or we feel) unbelievably vulnerable (and unsafe) to say to someone "You hurt me". It's much easier to be angry. It's a form of protection. What often happens though is that our repressed anger (and rage at being so powerless to do anything) alienates the very thing we want: love and acceptance. We can acknowledge this hurt as adults, we don't even have to say anything to the other person (especially if they are not open to it, we could end up being hurt all over again) but we do have to acknowledge it's there and tap on all the guilt, shame and misplaced loyalty that may come up as a result.

I think your feelings of being bad (not feeling bad which is entirely different and temporary) and not deserving are absolutely core, you've already identified and acknowledged them and I think you are well on your way to happiness, acceptance and love for yourself!!!

Noreen.

 

Hello Jo,

First of all, I want to thank you for your fabulous answer. Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a thorough reply.

I did take a look at Matrix reimprinting and all the websites you sent me to.
It seems that I naturally evolved towards Matrix reprinting. (Maybe because I already Ramtha, Quantum physics, the one in all and the all in one...)
I didn't expect it to happen but I let it happen. It is good not to be afraid of one's emotions. It makes such things possible.

I have always felt very self-aware. My acting teacher told me that I was also. I wish
it would have helped me but I've always felt stuck aware of who I was or where I was
yet powerles to evolve or do anything about it. The only benefit of this awarness
is that it gives the ability to sense others better and may help me become a good author.

EFT changes all that. It seems that my willingness to listen and face myself can be of great value with
this therapy. I guess it will give me the gift of self acceptance. As you said it is essential to learn and
accept one's self. I always tried to push myself with great resistance and it drained me. Maybe I can find a better
way now.

I do believe my inner child is me or an ECHO of me. I didn't toy with it. One ECHO was wiser than me and returned
to where it came from (God). I released her like I'd release a ghost to go to LOVE which is a place we all ultimately know.
I hope that my belief that we all come from God doesn't offend you. I was startled when the little voice told me I'm back
with God. I felt I would miss her and the little girl's voice replied I'll always be with you. It was so innocent and beautiful.

I forgot to tell you that my younger ECHO started tapping on herself as if she had known it for ever. It all happened in my
mind of course but it was fun.

For the first time I feel I have found a technique that will help make use of my natural instincts and abilities.

You are so right that we have to listen to ourselves. I would say pay attention. Because the more we pay with
EFT, the more we get rewarded.

I remember reading something like this " what you resist or ignore you can't change but what you accept and acknowledge you can evolve".
It made a lasting impression on me. I think EFT has put these words into action and I can feel there profound meaning even more now.

I think I want to see an EFT coach. I do believe it will be a wise thing to do but I'm not sure of telephone consultations
and there are not many therapists where I am.

Jo, I thank you for your wisdom, your insight and your time.

Namaste

Lor

 

 Hello Noreen,

Thank you for your kind and reassuring words.

Namaste:

just feeling your feelings and allowing them to be there instead of pushing them away or wanting to get rid of them is healing.

I'm starting to profoundly understand the value of that. I have tried to push my feelings aside for many years. I felt they were getting in the way of what I wanted. I understand I was not helping by doing that.

Namaste:

It's much easier to be angry. It's a form of protection.

 
I totally agree. At least, this is the case for me. I'm a bit proud and I often would rather scream than cry.

Namaste:

What often happens though is that our repressed anger (and rage at being so powerless to do anything) alienates the very thing we want: love and acceptance.

I have always felt somewhat powerless all my life even though I was able to create some of my most important dreams, to make them real. It didn't change the way I felt.

Namaste:

but we do have to acknowledge it's there and tap on all the guilt, shame and misplaced loyalty that may come up as a result.

Guilt, shame and remorse have been like shadows of my innermost since early childhood. However, knowing yourself is knowing the world or so I believe because I feel that deep inside of you is the source of all beings so I didn't misplace my loyalty all the times but I willing accepted others to push my buttons and play with me to punish myself for an invisible sin. I understand now that this anger, this hatred was my sin and the source of all guilt.

Namaste:

I think your feelings of being bad (not feeling bad which is entirely different and temporary) and not deserving are absolutely core, you've already identified and acknowledged them and I think you are well on your way to happiness, acceptance and love for yourself!!!

I believe you. I don't see how yet but I have faith in what you say.

Thank you so much for your insights and encouragements.

Lor