First, thanks so much to everyone for sharing and/or contributing their suggestions and experience on this board and on your websites.  I spent the whole night last night searching for and soaking up and printing out as much as I could about EFT, and am certain that it is the "magic bullet" to help me get out of my own way and finally a) achieve weight loss and b) succeed with my newly-launched business.

See, I know I am in my own way; I am the Self Sabatoge Queen.  And lately it has felt like the closer I get to actually finding the tools to clear out the junk that's blocking my energy and/or start truly experiencing success/abundance I get, the more desperately I binge and avoid taking the steps forward with my business that would practically guarantee me the success I am seeking. 

Quite honestly, I think my fear of finding the solution is actually more a fear of finally, after 17 years of being treated for depression, bringing to the surface what the core issues truly are.  Fear of what it will be; fear of it being scary; fear of it making me feel rage; fear of it making me not perfect ... (check, check, fear of pretty much everything: check) So we've got compulsive overeating due to any NUMBER of the reasons on the checklist, we've got a fear of success and self sabatoge, we've got some sort of anxiety about fixing the problem, we've got definite fear of what might float to the surface, we've got perfectionism happening -- it is truly a host of issues that will keep me tapping for years!

As you can see, I'm introspective and willing to learn.  And, I believe this is the solution I have been waiting to find.  I dilligently have gone through the various suggestions/ tapping statements, highlighted those that resonated with me -- which, by the way, is an excellent exercise in trying to be your own therapist and go a little deeper into some of the cuases/motivations behind your issues -- and even found videos on YouTube (search for Tapping EFT), specifically one that provides a "tap along" for people who are overwhelmed by the number of issues they need to tap about.  I bookmarked it and am thrilled to watch it/ go through it as my first step.  And I've studied the diagrams and processes and even organized my plan of tapping priorities onto notecards.  I'm going to tap through my fear and sabatoge issues first.

But therein lies the great irony: ask the Self Sabatoge Queen if she's started tapping away yet! Did I do it last night during my hours and hours of research and discovery? No, I planned to do it today once I got all of my notecards organized.  Did I do it this morning?  No, I was too busy.  All day in my head I have been practicing my tapping statements: visualizing myself doing it, memorizing the process, getting ready for tonight when I was definitely going to sit in a quiet place and get started.  And believe it or not, feeling just slightly more in control than yesterday as a result.  But, I mean, how hilarious is this?  I can visualize myself doing it, I can see it working, I am saying it over and over all day long in my head, and I believe that this is going to really help me on so many levels.  Yet here I am, writing to all of YOU about the irony of trying to tap past sabatoge when, as a sabatoger, you have no intention of letting the tapping begin, instead of just DOING it myself!

(Interestingly I did notice that today I was far more conscious of my food choices and/or ate less: but I was conscious that I was making the choice, and my conscious battled me to override my subconscious, and tonight I had a huge bowl of ice cream in anticipation of how I would move forward)

I find it hard to believe it means I'm not ready to make the change ...  With all of the preparation and anticipation that I have put into preparing to do this?  By the way, I have SO voraciously adopted the technique and ways to apply it that I have literally been practicing, in my head, tapping on "even though I don't want to do this ...."  as my way to get started.  I'm actually rather pleased with myself for coming up with thatone: there's something kind of "do-able" about that one to me, even more so than to say "even though I am avoiding doing this..."

ALL I NEED IS TO START.  Yet, I cannot. I mean, I think after I finish this I will ... I hope so.  Does anyone have any tips or thoughts on how to get a sabatoger started?

Dear Self-Sabatoge Queen,

Welcome to the EFT Forum for Weight Control! You have started down the road to using EFT to get your weight to what you want.

You are much braver that I was when I first was learning about EFT and weight control. I was a co-moderator on the EFT pain site, and I was replying to people's requests about pain. I would peek at what was being said over here in the weight control segment. I was too scared to say anything--about thinking about it--about my fears that it wouldn't work for me... So, I see you as having so much more courage than I--before I was ready and willing to jump off the edge of my fears.

You may want to ask yourself, "If I lose the weight that I say that I want to lose--what is the down side?" Then you could use that to create your set-up phrases. For example, Even though:

• I am afraid if I lose weight, there is a part of me that fears I will gain it back, and I deeply and completely love and accept that part of me
• there is a part of me that is so ready to do this, and there is another part of me that cannot handle me being successful with this at this time, and I deeply and completely love that part that is so attached to me not being successful at this
  
• I don't really want to do this (it is good to start with this one--brilliant!!!)...
  

Be gentle with yourself. Love your body as it is NOW. Consider creating set-up phrases about the parts of your body that you find unacceptable the way that they are now. For example, Even though:

• I hate my big fat belly, I deeply and completely love that part of myself that dispises my belly
  
• I can't handle how flabby my __________ is, I deeply and completely love accept myself not accepting my flab

Pay attention to your negative self-talk. Especially the mean stuff you may say to yourself. All of this is tappable.

Hope something here helps. Be ready willing to make changes to make it work for you. I feel confident that you can do this, and you so deserve it!!! Persist and you will succeed!!!

Gratefully yours,

JoAnn SkyWatcher

http://wayhealthy.us

coming soon: http://ILoveMyBodyClub.com

It's great that you've thrown yourself into learning EFT - all that preparation will stand you in good stead once you start tapping!  :0)

What you are experiencing is actually very common.  I know of quite a few people who amass lots of information about a method of EFT and read and study it, but don't use it. 

My suggestion is to stop using the word "sabotage".  You have a strong metaphor going down with it, so it suggests it has become a part of your identity.  Which means you probably won't agree with the next sentence.  I believe that one of the best things we can do is to stop using the word "sabotage".  It has so many negative connatations and generally is used with tons of judgement, whether intentionally or not.  If someone is trying to get you to do something and you sense that they are judging you, is it likely to motivate you?  Unlikely in my opinion.

I believe that the key to this is recognising that any behaviour we have is one that at some point in our life served a useful purpose, and in some cases was life saving, and all cases life supporting.  The bottom line is that we are not one congruent "I" as we'd like to think we are, we are instead a collection of ever changing and evolving thoughts and feelings etc, and we CAN believe two opposing things at the same time.

I suggest you start by trying to see your lack of tapping as a strong message to you from a part of you that it believes that changing your behaviour would be counterproductive.  If you can hold back on the judgement of "I'm sabotaging myself" and instead approach that part of you with curiuosity, you may learn something about why not tapping could be perceived by that part of you as beneficial.  And the same for everything else, not just tapping, anything that a part of you wants to do but your behaviour doesn't support it.

Here's a way you could try it.  Sit down and close your eyes and vividly imagine your life as you would like it to be, clear of any behaviour/symptoms that you feel no longer serve you.  Imagine it as vividly as you can, and be mindful of any discomfort in terms of thoughts or feelings or sensations that comes up when you think about your life being that free.  If it's difficult, imagine as well how those you care about and anyone around you will feel about you once you've let all your issues go.  It's likely that you'll get a mine of information about why parts of you feel uncomfortable with the wholesale change you are embarking on.  Listen to it and validate those feelings - treat the information as precious and the parts of you that feel that way as valid and deserving of having their say.  Thank them for talking and for doing everything they are to keep you safe and happy (yes I know it seems implausible, but I guarantee that once you start tapping, if you stop judging your behaviour and truly listen, you will find that all parts of you are working to try to keep you safe and happy based on what they know.)  Once you are there, you'll be able to hear the objections to change and gently start reframing it.

Imagine that you have a team of people who are all pulling in different directions, and you want them all to pull together to achieve a goal.  If you judge them and coerce them and make them do it, success is unlikely.  If you take the time to hear how they all feel and what's important to them, and acknowledge all of their individual contributions to the team, success is far more likely.  You are that team of people, made up of parts you don't even know about right now, who once they have had a chance to talk and be heard, are much more likely to work with you instead of against what your conscious mind desires.

I hope I'm not sounding bossy, I've had an interesting day of healing and am a bit tired, so this may be coming across as stern or bossy or something, it's not meant to! :0)  Hopefully something in here will be of use and I'm sure others will have other ideas to help you too.

Welcome to the EFT forums!

Jo

Self Sabotage Queen is a good regal name, and there are lots of other nice names to pick as well. It's OK to have a variety of identities. You can also be Chief Worm. I'm not trying to be offensive, just joky. The Chief Worm quietly and sneakily does some things that the Self Sabotage Queen doesn't allow. First, it crawls into bed. Then it finds a teddy. Then, the Worm tries to tap on the teddy, instead of on itself. Ingenious, no? The Worm never admits to having issues. The teddy has issues. Even though the teddy has issues, the teddy can love itself. If the Worm can't find a teddy, he can just draw a face and torso on a piece of paper and take it into bed with him. Then he taps on that paper face. But he always hides, under the bedcovers.

Cos even if he's a worm, he's a pretty gallant one at that.

P.S.  Whenever I am aware of there being something that I want to do but don't (including sometimes tapping with EFT), I commit to tapping through EFT Master Jaqui Crook's Self Sabotage Tap Along.  I find it often results in a real softening in me toward the parts of me that don't want to do what I do, and very often that is followed by an opening up of why that it is I have all I need to tap on to change it.  You can find the script free of charge at http://emotional-freedom-technique.net/article.php?subcatid=27  It's a real goodie. It might be a great place for you to start tapping, as it honours your not wanting to tap as much as your wanting to.  :0)

bizref:

ALL I NEED IS TO START.  Yet, I cannot. I mean, I think after I finish this I will ... I hope so.  Does anyone have any tips or thoughts on how to get a sabatoger started?

Hi there

First of all we need to redefine sabotage.  My lovely forum friends have helped me do that.  The more people I work with the more I realise that whatever we do, overeat, drink too much, refuse to tap:) its all to protect us from something.

Sometimes we fear FEAR.  Once you get going with EFT the wonderful realisation will dawn that all feelings can pass and you will be free to FEEL them all.

But boy can I empathise with you on the fear of going there, and I know JoAnn is not the only one who can.  We can all be a wee bit stubborn at times about it.

Working with a practitioner when I feel really stuck and can't/won't is helpful for me.

Often I spend quite alot of time addressing fears of what will come up so I would focus my tapping on that.

In fact I find it very common that symptoms get worse the closer we get to the memories we are protecting, its not uncommon.  People make the mistake of thinking they are getting worse but in fact 'a part' of them perhaps doesn't trust the process.  

My tips are try it on small issues, don't go for the big ones first.  Thats what I did.  In fact my big issues tried alone were spectacularly unsuccesful so I nearly gave the whole thing up as a load of bunkum, so glad I didn't.

There is a very detailed ebook from Jo Ainsworth, one of our regular forum contributers  http://www.selfheal4me.com/Free-Book.php

But I will let you into a secret, when we're stuck, even those of us who know EFT well work with someone else, as we are unlikely to go to the places we are trying to avoid alone.  However there is so much you can do alone, that you only need to work with a therapist when you feel stuck, or to get you started.  Or when you just need some TLC:)  That may not apply however to certain cases where people have been very traumatised and will need alot of support, but it is possible to tap in the presence of a safe person, not just a therapist.

I did read and see this today which also might interest you

http://successwitheft.com/eft-resistance-to-doing-it-daily/

http://clearing-pathways.com/eft-eliminate-resistance-to-using-it

Gill

Gill

 Hi bizref-

If you've been practicing your tapping in your head (visualizing yourself tapping on the points, saying the phrases)...guess what? You've already started!  That's one way to do it! See how easy that was?

Now, some people find doing it in their head works better, and some people prefer to do the tapping physically, but if you're just starting out, you'll want to try both. Since you've already started tapping in your head, continue doing that for the moment, with all the setup phrases you can think of about sabatoging yourself, and how you feel about tapping "for real". Notice what thoughts and memories come up when you work with "even though I don't want to do this". That's one of my favorites, by the way. It always points to the inner child (picture a little kid stomping their foot and saying "I dun wanna!"), and that child needs to be reassured and comforted before anything else happens. 

Also, understand that this is not a one-shot deal. You most likely will be tapping for years! Once you see how easy it can be to feel better, you'll probably find yourself tapping on everything! 

~Desiree

JoAnn, thank you so much for taking the time to help me -- I especially appreciate your vote of confidence in my ability to move through this, thank you again!!

 "(yes I know it seems implausible, but I guarantee that once you start tapping, if you stop judging your behaviour and truly listen, you will find that all parts of you are working to try to keep you safe and happy based on what they know.)"

 JoAnn,you are SO right and this all really resonates with me, thank you!  Not bossy at all, and I have instantly started feeling protective and understanding of that one 'team member' who I have have chastised when they are only doing the best they can with what they believe their job to be.  I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your generous analysis after such a long day. Thank you!!!!!

"You can find the script free of charge at http://emotional-freedom-technique.net/article.php?subcatid=27  It's a real goodie. It might be a great place for you to start tapping, as it honours your not wanting to tap as much as your wanting to.  :0)"

It's PERFECT, thank you again :-)

 Thank you, Gill -- you have inspired me to go ahead and seek assistance with this, which I have suspected I need to do all along.  No more "band aid," DIY therapy: I want to go deep and get to the good stuff, and I need help doing that to make sure I get it right!

 LOVE the links, thank you so much, and for all of your support :-)  I am overwhelmed by the outpouring of love on this board.  I believe I have found you all for a reason.

Thank you again!

bizref:

I have instantly started feeling protective and understanding of that one 'team member' who I have have chastised when they are only doing the best they can with what they believe their job to be. 

Alrighteee!!!  This is a BIG change and you WILL see the results of it.  When we change our approach to the parts of ourselves, everything changes.  Just like the phrase says "Even though.. I deeply and completely love and accept (all of) myself."

:0)

" It always points to the inner child (picture a little kid stomping their foot and saying "I dun wanna!"), and that child needs to be reassured and comforted before anything else happens. "

Desiree, you are SO right: that little inner child who is crossing her arms and stomping her feet is EXACTLY what feels so authentic to me about this particular statement!!

And you know, after I posted last night to this forum I DID force myself to tap on that ... kind of half-heartedly .... and then felt tired and went to bed.  But all day today I have made some surprisingly healthy choices about my meals AND have felt very inspired to get going again on my business.  So ... is it the power of suggestion? Visualization?  I think you're right that it just might be!

 To everyone (and Jo, I mistakenly called you Jo Ann earlier :-)): you are all so wonderful.  Your collective replies and suggestions and support are like a loving mother gently pushing me out of the nest: I feel like I'm okay to fly now!  I am so very grateful to each of you.

And I can't wait to post about my success in the future!!

XXOO to all,

Nicole