Marie

We all have to find ways of dealing with things that just don't make sense, don't we?

My mum died at 9pm on the Thursday evening, but my youngest sister didn't make it up from south of England until the Wed tea time.  I was woken up during a rest by both my at sisters 1am on Thursday, they were panicking because she had gone completely cold and they thought she was dying then.  

My little sister threw herself on the bed and cried 'Please I just got here, don't leave me yet', and I tell you, she started to warm up again and stayed with us until 9pm the next night. It was amazing,

I was on one side, my sister on the other, and the little one at the bottom of the bed and after mum finally died my sister looked at me and said 'That was the most beautiful experience of my life'.  It really was!

I am so sorry, this has gone so far from the topic now.

It occurs to me maybe we need a Grief forum?

Thanks for your kindness.  Obviously this has been on my mind alot this week!

Gill

 

 

 

Are any of you using EFT on the people you are caring for? Gill? Fingertapper? Say for pain?

No one has mentioned that they are, and I realize the questions/discussions may be directed to other forums, but in discussing the pros and cons of morphine and choices, are we missing something?

Synchronicity :~) I just checked my e-mail and Gary's newsletter has arrived. Connection to article http://www.emofree.com:80/Articles2/cancer-dignity-terminal.htm.

Blessings,

Sylvia

 

Sylvia

I used EFT with mum alot, although it was easier to use CranioSacral Therapy, we could just hold her and use her intention, she was so frail and tapping felt intrusive.  Mostly I was having to tap for myself and my sisters due to some very difficult circumstances going on,

With my friend I mentioned I travelled to her home in Wales 7 hours away 2 weeks after mum died to teach her EFT and she did use it but her husband was to upset to be able to when she got too ill and I wasn't close enough.

With my MIL, oh I wish, but am afraid not a chance.  She is one of those people who is always just fine and she won't even let us talk about what we do for a job.  I am currently using EFT for her sons pain at the moment!!

I don't think for me this discussion was about the relevance of morphine, it was originally from Fingertapper and then from me about how to cope when our loved ones get abusive or less than the best care.

In my mums case she simply did not receive the care that was necessary for her condition and she was lucky we were there doing what we were able to do to naturally keep her calm, including constant touch which I think was probably the most healing thing.

It was a very interesting article and I just wish I had a friend then who I could have called on to help us in this way.

Gill

 

Hi again!! There's been plenty of activity here an I want to say thank you for sharing...it's truly helpful. Gill, I am terrified to have a situation like yours, (I'm happy for you that you are getting some resolution to your situation though) I think that is partly why I 'micromanage' things. My husband has suffered enough at the hands of others an I'm doing my best to see he is as happy and peaceful as he can. It will be a relief when he passes through this life (I know this with my heart and I can say that only because I believe he has a better life awaiting...of course for me it will be sad and even more lonely) I have fear that I won't be there when the time comes and also a fear that I will be there and panic or something. I also want to trust that God will take care and I know He will, but don't know how I will react. I try not to worry about what lies ahead because all we know is what is right now. I get irritated when too many demands get put upon me. I don't know what to do most of the time, I just wing it and try to make my husband's life pleasant. I've been trying to use the SET method this last while and I'm pretty sure it is helping me to stay relatively calm in our latest challenge. I would expect myself to be in a panic right now, but I feel calm. Hopefully being calm will help me make better decisions right now. I've tried to use EFT on my husband but he didn't care for it. I think it may have been the words I was using so I may just try the continuous tapping on him too. There is also a problem trying to find time to tap, but I can try. Take care everyone and thanks.

 

((((Fingertapper))))

I am glad to hear from you and especially glad that the EFT is helping you deal with the challenges.  I do not know where I would have been without it.

I am not sure what kind of illness your husband has but I developed a forum for FTD, the illness my mother had and I have heard first hand from hundreds of people the challenges that you are facing, and the lonliness and grief when it is all over.  Tapping is the secret weapon you can use that they don't have.

I found it so hard to be in a place where I hoped my mum and dad would die for their sake.  There is a lovely piece in the Palace of Possibilities DVD about tapping for people with dementia, (I am not assuming he has dementia but it is the problem with not knowing exactly what they are feeling) just tapping with the intention of love will help.

I just tapped for my mum repeating I love you, you are not alone, you're going to be ok.

For myself any tapping I did was to deal with the fears of losing her and the traumas of what was happening and it did help keep me calm.

I must say that although it does sound bad, the main thing that was important when mum died was we were there. That was the only time I wished I could have had her at home. 

Yes the tapping has helped.  I was in quite a rough place last week but now that I have been addressing the issues and any lingering doubts as to whether I had done enough I do have peace and the heavy dragging depression has gone.

I always knew when I was in the situation I was doing what I had to to survive and it was essentially damage limitation.  I look back and can definitely see where it gave me the strength.  

I then had the luxury of time afterwards to grieve and deal with the specifics.

You are doing a great job.  I think this is where i learnt the trick of living in the moment.  I just couldn't think too far ahead and once I put things in place I stopped trying to anticipate how it would be, when it would be etc as I knew there was no way of controling that.  

I do find its turned me from someone who used to be anxious about everything to someone who has learned to go with the flow and doesn't need to control everything, because she learnt the hard way you really can't!

My thoughts are with you.  Our real fear and grief isn't so much for them, although the sadness that this is how their life has turned out, but our fear of living without them.  Thats where I have found the www.griefismourningsickness.com invaluable and it will be a wonderful resource for you when the time comes.  Take courage that you do have some great tools which will help you get through this terribly hard time.

Gill

 

 

 

 

Dear all,

Apologies Gill for missing your posting , things a bit hectic !

What a wonderful experience Gill with your mum.

I wouldn't really say you are posting off topic because many of us are grieving whilst we are caring ?

We can also feel very lonely in a Caring role, very alone, even though we may be surrounded by lots sof people, friends. ?

We can lose the people we love as we are consatntly caring over time ie physical abilities can deteriorate, memory loss, medications or an illness can change our loved ones...I think we are constantly 'grieving'..

I believe Grief has many stages but often before the 'passing over'

Warmest wishes,

Marie

I thought I'd check in because I've had some positive results with the situation I've been dealing with! We are dealing with practical issues which include having support workers in our home to help with my husband's care and to make a long story short, this part of our support system was about to fall out from underneath us. It turns out that we will continue to receive the help we've been getting for another month which should be long enough for me to set up an alternative support. -- This morning I tapped "even though my life is in chaos and I don't know what I'm going to do without support... they abandoned us... they have no idea what we're experiencing... I choose to leave things in God's hands and trust this will all work out". So for now I should be able to cope again. -- Gill, you are so right about the fear of life without our loved one. For me, it is almost a panic, yet I look forward to this ending too. So contradictory and scary to deal with on my own. It's like there's no where to go, no where to be. -- As far as living in the moment, I have no choice, because it is nearly impossible to make plans, I don't exactly feel like I have to control everything, but I do feel like a circus act when the clown has plates spinning on top of sticks. As soon as I stop paying attention or let my guard down, everything is going to come crashing down. -- What I'm beginning to grow really tired of is how our life is so defined by my husband's disabilities. It limits and dictates everything we do and don't do. I feel like I'm always just one crisis away from burn-out. And while it hasn't happened yet, there is fear that it's just around the bend. -- oh well, for now I'm going to be glad we have some practical help while I figure out the next step. -- Thanks again.

Goodmorning Fingertapper!

     Thank you for sharing, your positive results and PR Statement with your choice statement "I choose to leave things in God's hands and trust this will all work out!"

     Thank you also for sharing all your heartfelt feelings that have to be common to many in your position at one point or another. I worked out some PR Statements if you would like to use them and also to add to the original list started.

     Our love and prayers go out to you & your husband.

Blessings,

Sylvia 

 

1.      "Even though, I have this tremendous fear of life without my loved one & it is almost a panic state, I ....................................................... & I choose to leave things in God's hands and trust this will all work out."

 

2.      "Even though, there is also part of me looking forward to the ending, too, I ..............................!"

 

3.      "Even though, all these mixed feelings are so contradictory and scary to deal with on my own, I .....................

 

4.      "Even though these feelings, are so overwhelming at times, like there is nowhere to go, no where to be, I completely.......................& choose to ...........................!"

 

5.      "Even though, it is impossible to make plans, because of all the unknowns, and I am forced to " live in the moment", whether I want to or not, and there is a certain resistance & resentment to this and sometimes it _________________, good advice or not!"

 

6.      "Even though, I don't exactly feel like I have to control everything, I do feel like a circus act when the clown has plates spinning on top of sticks, I completely...................... & I choose to leave things in God's hands and trust this will all work out."

 

7.      "Even though, I have this feeling from past experience that as soon as I stop paying attention or let my guard down, everything is going to come crashing down and it will be my fault, for not doing enough, being enough, I .............................................& I choose to leave things in God's hands and trust this will all work out even though it is hard sometimes to do that."

 

8.      "Even though, I'm beginning to grow really tired of how my/our life/lives are so defined by my ______________________ disabilities/illness, it limits and dictates everything we do and don't do, I completely..........................................!"

 

9.   "Even though, I feel like I'm always just one crisis away from burn-out, and while it hasn't happened yet, there is this "huge" fear that it is just around the bend, I completely ............................, and choose to be glad for ____________________ and figure out the next step!"

 

 

Sylvia, These are really good, thanks! -- I will tap with these for sure. -- I can see the possible benefit of journalling again(something I used to do all the time) and just tapping while reading over what I write. -- I sure wish this formatting problem wouldn't be so, my posts are so hard to read. I appreciate very much your s p a c e d o u t post! Thanks again

I've had some time/privacy now to try these tapping statements. What comes up for me is some overwhelming sadness. -- It's just so painful to feel so incredibly alone in this situation. -- I'll have to leave it (tapping so directly) and try again some other time.

I've tried these tapping statements three times now. Like I already posted, the first time I had such an overwhelming response, I had to stop. Now the last two times I haven't really felt anything. Do you skilled EFTers know why this happens? Can you guess? This is not the first time I've had this happen to me, it's like running hot and cold. I feel like I maybe should have kept tapping when I felt overwhelmed because I was so tuned in but when that pain overtakes me I just have to escape from it. It sure is hard to know what to do. Thanks

Hi Fingertapper!

There is a large possibility, that with your previous work, the issues "as stated" are cleared or neutralized. I printed off the PR Statements &

using my Energy Tester for MRT surrogated each and they all tested clear and you have in fact released the pain, which is why you are not feeling

any intensity.

Aspects of each issue, may still be around, when they surface make a note and treat seperately. How do you feel in general? Being in neutral

itself can be scary, at least, I have found it so, at times. Dr. Carrington's Choice Additions, to the rescue, to fill the void.

The other possibility, I considered was that the issues were buried further as an "escape", but, I got a "NO" answer repeatedly for that question.

This is my take, I hope others will share theirs.

Rubbing or tapping the Gamut Point, is a great "overwhelm" conditioner, which I have probably mentioned before. Gwenn Bonnell's recommendation

is to tap each Gamut Point 50 times, just in general during the day, particularily, if you do not include the "Gamut Sequence" and use the short

proceedure. You can feel (or I can) the tension release in your shoulders and back, when ever you do this, just in general. Try it! Maybe it would

be helpful for your husband, also.  Rubbing gently, also works!

You are not alone, our prayers are with you!

Blessings,

Sylvia  

Sylvia, Thank you for your kind response. I thought of the possibility that I became clear on these issues, because the fact is that I have no intensity at the moment when I tap these particular statements. My intellect says it just can't be. So what is not clear to me is that every time some kind of 'crisis' comes up, these same issues or feelings come up for me. Sometimes there doesn't even need to be a crisis, it can be a nice quiet moment too(like when I let my guard down). I can feel it a little as I'm trying to explain to you what I experience. -- I've not heard of using the Gamut point as an 'overwhelm conditioner', but I certainly can easily incorporate that. I've been tapping the long sequence anyways lately so I'm getting that point in somewhat. Just for clarification, you are talking just of tapping the one point on the back of the hand? or the whole Gamut? -- It's incredible that you went so far to as to test for me. That of it's own is so supportive Thank you so much. -- I don't like feeling neutral because I'm worried that I am suppressing my feelings again. I did that when my husband first had his accident (I can understand that I was in survival mode then) and it was very effective, but threw me into a depression. The accident and it's effects were/are so devastating that I find it difficult to feel anything on so many aspects of life. I find myself almost without feelings of empathy for others for instance. I am fearful of becoming depressed again (tappable issue right?) but I am aware that it's becoming increasingly difficult to feel happy. Thank you, I am grateful for this support.

Hi!

For the Gamut Point, either rubbing gently or tapping will work. I often use it, just when talking and listening

& gently massaging point, no EFT in sight. Another, spot is the Well-Spring Point which is KI-1 and is located

at the center soft-spot on the ball of our feet, for stress-relief.

From my own experience, and I have the Energy Tester to confirm this, which gives me a clearer understanding or picture, possibly.

once a PR Statement is cleared, it holds but in a verbatim word/thought manner. If I reread the PRS two years later, I will pull the same number

as I did at final clearance. Most importantly, the thought/emotion feeling ceases to pop up continually in my thoughts, once neutralized

or cleared with the zzzzzzt's attached. I understand though, your doubts and fears. When I read survivor stories, all kinds, the key seems to be

taking an adversity and turning it around to something positive, that creates the most healing, hope and joy. Plus, some form of faith in a higher

power.

Our prayers continue to be with you.

Sylvia

     

In continuation from last post.

Gary's newsletter this morning an article by Ruth Stern http://www.emofree.com:80/Articles2/positive-affirms-nlp.htm

Ruth's suggestion is to ask what do you want to feel instead of this fear or other feeling. Her example, even though

written for public speaking could be applied to almost anything. They are:

EB- I want to feel Confident.

SE- I want to be free of this fear.

UE - I want to feel empowered.

UN - I want to see myself looking smart & proud.

CH - I can do this!

CB - I choose calm.

UA - I am releasing this burden.

Top of Head - I deserve to release this fear now!

They may sound flippant in your scenerio or some of them might, substitute anything that is closer to your heart.

The whole exercise would be easy to adapt to say anger as an example or any off your other feelings.

"Even though, I have all this anger about my husband's condition caused by his accident and how it has controlled our life, I completely love, honor, accept and forgive myself, him and any others involved!"

Make a list of "This anger about_____________" and then tap on each point and then follow through with the affirmation cycle.

Ruth's article is excellent and she does a better job in explaining.

I f you could find a "tapping buddy" it might be helpful, also.

Hugs,

Sylvia

Sylvia S Ross EFT-ADV Co-Moderator Carer/Caregivers