Hi EFTers!

 

This forum is great- it’s wonderful to see so much love & support out there. Hence, I’d like to be a part of it.

 

I have just started EFT and, to be honest, have found it a bit overwhelming in a way. I’ve been watching videos & reading about it & practicing but it has started to get all a bit too noisy in my head when I think about all of it. I thought if I wrote it all out it would help me. Plus, it may offer anyone interested an opportunity to pass on their guidance– especially if you can pick up on something that I haven’t (particularly you NLP lot).

 

I am by no means overweight, but I am carrying extra pounds- mostly around my stomach. I’m a bit exasperated by it all now because I feel as though the healthier I try and become, the more weight I put on… & the more obsessed with my weight I am! It drives me nuts that I’m constantly thinking about food (I’m aware of the laws of attraction but sometimes I can’t step off the train of thought).

I used to binge a lot & have since given up junk food/sugar/non-foods. Admittedly, I do have more energy & feel better & find that I don’t actually like the taste of junk foods.. it hasn’t stopped me from overeating though & I have just transferred my sugar addiction to a “healthy food” addiction. It’s to the point now where I feel like anything I eat will make me fat. I can’t just eat a meal any more… I analyse it every time.

 

So, I realized that I needed to figure out what was holding me back. So far I have come up with the following:

I don’t want to lose weight because I wouldn’t know what to do with myself; I’m scared that I still wont be happy (I’m not depressed or anything, but my weight does bug me & I long for the day when it doesn’t!); I’m afraid of failure ie: I don’t think I’ll ever be able to lose the excess weight; I have so much identity caught up in the way I eat that I wouldn’t know who I was & I don’t want to be “wrong” about eating the way I do; I also feel that losing weight is too hard;

 

I’ve had a think about when it all started & so far I have come up with: After my mum died, I went to live with my dad & step-mum. It wasn’t the best living arrangement & there was hardly ever any food in the house. When there was food, there was always a competition over it because I have two big brothers (whom I love dearly) that would eat everything. I remember at dinner time my dad being proud when the boys ate a lot so I started to do it too. My step-mum also used to by her own food that none of us were allowed to eat. The only time I got to hang out with my dad was when we went to cafes and he would buy me treats- my brothers never came so I think I began to equate it with feeling special.

As living with my dad & step-mum became more strained, they stopped taking me out for meals & providing food for us was always seen as such a burden. So, when I got a part-time job at 15, I remember I used to spend all my money on food. The grief of my mum not being around, the tumultuous home life, & often being home alone led me to fill my time with eating food. It was the only way I knew how to nurture myself at the time (which is another thing I realize I get out of it).

Plus, in the holidays, I spent all my time with my grandma (mum’s mum) & she used to let me eat any food that I wanted! I used to love going there & just eating all the food I never got at home. I think this in particular made a correlation between mothers love (my grandma) & food.

It doesn’t serve me anymore though but I suppose the little girl in me is afraid of letting it go. It offers me a lot of protection. I have even noticed that I always put a pillow to my stomach so that I feel ‘closed in’/ ‘safe’. I’m not sure what will happen when I drop the belief that I need to be chubby to feel protected. What coping mechanism will I use then??? I have reactive hypoglyceamia which means I also don't eat high starch foods & I'm intolerant to lactose. I have noticed though that these sensitivities have gotten worse.

 

It’s also a bit of a sore spot because my family are fitness freaks! My dad & brothers are all natural athletes & have competed nationally. I on the other hand…. Well, I’m better at knitting… So, I judge myself a lot for not being fitter (not good I know).

 

I read in a post someone saying that you need to trust yourself around food. That really resonated with me. I’d love to not be thinking about every morsel of food that I eat. To be honest, I don’t want to eat tubs & tubs of ice cream but…. I find the only way to stop binging is to cut it out. I had to otherwise, I fond that one scoop was never enough- if I had a tiny bit, I had to have the whole lot! I look forward to the day that I can eat a piece of chocolate & be satisfied with that.

 

I just have to keep the faith that EFT will work. I’m going to do tapping on the events that I’ve mentioned. Although, if anyone has some suggestions on how then I’m very open to them. I’ve got an appointment booked with a practitioner but it’s not for 2 more weeks.

For now, I sort of don’t even know where to start! Plus, I’m not sure how long I should do them for & how many events I should tap for each day. I find food obsession a hard topic to test intensity for.

 

Wow, this is a mega post. At the very least, I hope that it can offer a hand to those who feel the same way- we’re in this together :o)

 

Thank you to all of you who give some much loving energy to this forum.

 

Hugs & blessings to you all.

 

Hi Gracey,

You have a lot of awareness about the underlying causes of your overeating, and that is helpful. Congratulations for being on the road to attaining the weight that you would like using EFT. It really does work. There are many approaches that you could take. One could be to start peeling the onion by tapping on the experiences that helped put the writing on your walls. For example, it really helped me to tap on my pattern of stuffing myself. I went back to my earliest experiences--of being fed on a schedule as a baby and not being fed often enough. WhenI got my bottle I scarfed it down as fast as I could, and then my mother would give me another bottle because I was still hungry.

You could take what you said below, and tap on it.

After my mum died, I went to live with my dad & step-mum. It wasn’t the best living arrangement & there was hardly ever any food in the house. When there was food, there was always a competition over it because I have two big brothers (whom I love dearly) that would eat everything. I remember at dinner time my dad being proud when the boys ate a lot so I started to do it too.

You might make set-up phrases that would be something like this, Even though:

• I felt like I had to compete for food after Mum died, and I still compete for food, and part of me doesn't want to give that up, and I deeply and completely love and accept myself anyway
• I unconsciously compete for food...
• my brothers aren't a threat anymore, I still act like I am trying to get my share of food...
• my little Gracey is scared that she won't get enough food...

Gracey, you need to remember that over eating is just a symptom. When you clear away the core issues, you won't be compelled to overeat. Also, imagine that your issue of over eating is a puzzle, and that the thing about competing for food is one of the pieces of the puzzle. Know that this doesn't have to be a struggle--that you can do this with ease and grace. While you are at it, remember to love your body--including your stomach--just the way that it is.

Please keep me posted.

Gratefully yours,

JoAnn

 Hi Gracey,

Welcome to the board. I’m sure that you will love being here. I can really empathize with your situation and can almost feel your fear of loss of control.

You’re so right. There is so much ‘noise’ around this whole issue of weight control and in the end, it is a very personal exploration. Everyone eats for different reasons.

I remember when I was in a similar situation with being overwhelmed by the fear of gaining weight and watching helplessly as the pounds piled on. It was mortifying. When I explored what was going on at the time, I realized that I truly believed that food had total control over me and that I was at its mercy.

So I did all the things that a ‘fat’ person would do. I jumped on and off the scale several times a day, thought about food all the time, ate too fast, feared eating, not eating, tried to eat lower fat foods, exercised more, all in the name of losing weight. What that got me was a ticket to hell and an obsession that yielded an extra 35 pounds on the scale. Basically I got exactly what I feared.

Now you mentioned that you know about the Law of Attraction and yet you’re stuck. In my experience, I’ve learned that it’s our feelings that keep us in patterns of overwhelm. And if you’re an emotional eater, one who’s made a connection between food and comfort, (as you indicated with the story about your teen years) then you will keep on seeking out food until you find a suitable alternative to give you the feelings of safety that you want/need.

Where is your life feeling rattled? What are the situations in your life when you notice that you’re wanting food when you’re not hungry or obsessing about future meals?

I don’t agree with the majority who proclaim that you need to figure out what’s holding you back. I wasted a lot of time crying and digging up old dirt from the past that only got me deeper into depression.

Then I started looking at what I wanted to accomplish now, today, in 5 minutes and that led me to where EFT served me.

Imagine that you didn’t have you weight problem. What would you be doing, thinking about? How would you spend your time?

The whole weight struggle is an illusion that’s kept you so very distracted from looking deeper into your life and seeing what’s not working right now, what’s preventing you from being happy right now. I don’t believe it’s something that you need to dig to find. It’s right under your nose.

I apologize if this seems in any confrontative. My reason for sharing this is because I don’t want to read your post in another 6 months and see that you’re still struggling with the same thing. I’d like to help if I can. That’s why I’ve offered you this information that has really helped me and put the kibosh on the old feast beast that used to live inside of me. Now I resign myself to know that as I take bigger steps to do what I’m meant to do in this world, the weight will continue to fall off. Obsessing about it, only makes it worse. I hope this has helped.

Much love,

Andrea 

  Thanks Andrea :o)
 
Sorry for the late reply, I've been on holiday.
I'm not upset by your email at all. I enjoy your honesty. Admittedly it's another opinion to add to the pile so although I agree with what you're saying in theory, I'm still not sure what I make it mean to me personally.
 
When do I obsess over food? .... All day long- no matter what! Even after trying EFT over the past few weeks I'm now constantly worried about whether or not EFT will work! It's so weird too because I'm not really like that. I mean, I'm a pretty chilled out person, but it's somehow become so much a part of me & it's driving me bonkers! I am starting to see that weight issues etc are a symptom, not a root cause.
When you say : I don’t agree with the majority who proclaim that you need to figure out what’s holding you back.
Can you elaborate? Do you think I should or shouldn't look at why I over eat etc?

 
Where is my life feeling rattled? With my food obsession! I wish I could just eat a meal without analysing it 10 times over & worrying about it's effect. I do have days like that but ultimately, its always in the back of my mind whether or not the way I eat, the exercise, my thoughts, lifestyle or the EFT etc is working.
There is also the fact that I'm living & traveling abroad at the moment & deciding what direction I want my life to take, what's best for me, if i'm on the right path etc. That can take it out of you. I don't think anything will bring about those answers other than experience/time  though so I just have to be patient (not one of my virtues). So, ultimately, i think what is not 'right' for me at the moment is that I'm still unsure of so many things. I'm young though so i think it comes with the territory. However, I think I have a habit of wanting all the 'answers' right now & being really hard on myself.
I think discovering all of these things is the whole enjoyment of experiencing life... I just seem to take it a lot more seriously than I need to I think. I'm trying to get it 'right' (which I don't believe there is such a thing) & am attached to a particular outcome.
 
I like your questions about what would I be doing with my time if I wasn't obsessing? I do have a pretty good idea however, I think I'm 'reversed' so it's my understanding that I need to EFT those things first & then get onto EFT-ing (that's the technical term ;o) the stuff that I want. What's your thought on that? I also believe, as you suggest, it's important to focus on what I want... got any tips for that? I have a vision board  but I do struggle with keeping my attention on what I want to align myself with. It's all a part of surrendering but I don't seem to be able to do that all too well. How have you managed to just completely trust that it will all work out for you? I have days where I do & days where I don't.

I really appreciate you sharing your story & advice with me. Keep it coming! I'm open to anything.

I wish you all the best with what you are doing as well.

Big hugs.

 Hi Gracey,

So nice to hear from you again. I hope you enjoyed your holiday. I’m glad that my questions didn’t upset you and just got you thinking in another direction. That’s what was intended.

Let me explain why I asked them and put it in the context of what I have discovered from my direct experience. You mention that as a rule you are a pretty ‘chilled out’ person and that you’ve become obsessed about whether or not EFT is really working and that obsession is feeding your fear and driving you ‘bonkers.’

From what I understand it seems like your life is in a place of transition and you’re having mixed emotions about it, because you want to have all the answers now. However as you said, only time and experience will tell if this is the right thing for you. The truth is that depending upon what you believe about what is right for you, every choice you make will be right for you. To borrow upon your words, “it’s all added to the pile.”

This experience of travel seems to be getting watered down for you by your distraction of whether EFT is working or not. Let me offer you the value of my experience in hopes that it may help you to see your experience in a most empowering way so that you can embrace your life and recognize that you have choices.

I spent over 34 years obsessing about my weight, the way I looked, the size and shape of my thighs, breasts, the number on the scale, my dress size, how much I ate, when, if and what and why, food and my obsession with my body used to control my every thought. When I wasn’t thinking about food, I was second guessing my life and/or hating/wishing for another body.

As a consequence of that, I walked around much of my life living in the past, continually blaming my fat or fear of it, for my every weakness. I was so consumed by my overthinking and obsessing of all this surface stuff that I missed out on so much of life. It kept me scared and thinking small all the time, afraid of taking the next step that would have enabled me to grow and expand. My obsession kept me willing to settle for whatever it was that I had in the moment.

As long as I was able to run to the comfort of food or obsessing about it, I didn’t really need to work at whatever I really wanted. I didn’t even need to look at how much I resented my life. From my point of view, as long as I had my obsession to keep me company and feeling self righteous, I didn’t have to take steps to change anything. In a perversely odd way, it kept me believing in the illusion that I was miserable and at the mercy of circumstances beyond my control.

Since I was walking around anesthetized by food or distracted by my self hatred or weight obsession, I never got a chance to confront all the feelings that would have naturally propelled me to make changes in my life if I didn’t have the food/weight obsession to fall back on.
For example, If I weren’t so focused on my food/weight obsession and used that as a buffer protecting me from moving beyond my comfort zone, I would have recognized my worth, stated my needs much earlier on, confronted people, ended dead end relationships, accepted my body, bought clothes that really fit me, perhaps left a dead end job, been more independent, appreciated myself more, finished college, spent more time with friends, been a better mother, wife, friend, had more fun, released my hold on the past, had more respect for money, been more successful, and so many other things that prevented me from taking action steps to move from where I was stuck to where I wanted to be.

The point is that until I realized that my whole weight/food obsession was distracting me from recognizing that I was not really living my life, just kind of existing, I didn’t realize the degree to which I was settling for things that kept me in cycles of being unhappy, which only fed my obsession more. I just had to move beyond the veil of blaming and thinking that my life and my happiness was outside of my reach, take responsibility for myself and move and make changes towards having what I wanted.

When I started to look at all the places in my life where I was unfulfilled, and began making changes, that’s when my food obsession started to wane and my dysfunctional relationship with food changed.

My first experience with EFT was a pivotal one in that it finally woke me up to the recognition that my blaming on my past had kept me sleepwalking through my life for decades. Someone first used EFT on me once back in 2004, and it was an earth shattering, rock my world, amazing moment that led to an entirely different way of living for me. I realized that I had allowed myself to play the victim and use the abuse of my past to scape goat my unwillingness to deal with my present. When I had that experience with EFT and was able to forgive those who hurt me in the past, it was the beginning of a new beginning. From that point, I’ve realized how much I’ve needed to forgive myself for doing so much harm to me. Nonetheless, EFT began a personal transformation that has continued for nearly 5 years now.

The truth is when I realized that my weight or size was the result of pounds of pain from my past that evidenced my internal struggle for 34 years with hating my body, I began to turn a compassionate eye towards my body. I began to accept myself in the now, considering even the possibility that I may never change my shape, making it okay with being Andrea now. I started seeing myself a more than a pair of saggy breasts, dimpled thighs, fat arms, rounded tummy, and all those things that I thought I was. I started recognizing the spirit of what was behind that disguise, the amazing spirit of the survivor beneath those flaws and imperfections. In short, the thing that leads me out of my obsession day by day is my recognition that I am already perfect and that I have already have everything I need to have all that I want. I’m not missing anything. I still would like to get thinner, but it’s no longer a make or break struggle. I choose to be happy now in the before state and honor myself as I am now. As a result of doing that and having that change of thinking, my body is slowly reshaping and I’m seeing myself getting thinner again, returning slowly back to myself at a gradual pace that is synchronized with my degree of feeling safe in the many areas in my life that had been put to sleep by my obsessions.

Enough about me. I’d like to offer you a challenge. You mention that you already recognize what you would be doing if you weren’t obsessing about your weight and food, what would happen if you just started doing that, really living in the moment, taking full responsibility for your happiness, making conscious choices and throwing caution to the winds and saying, “I’m already perfect now. I’m in charge of my life and this is what I want.”

What would happen if you did that and felt that way? What do you think of giving it a try? Let me know what you think.

Much love,

Andrea

Hello again Andrea.

 I hear (read?) everything you're saying. I agree with it. I have the intellectual understanding that there is nothing wrong with me now either but I don't seem to feel it if that makes sense? There is nowhere to go, nothing to do, nothing to be, other than exactly what I am NOW. I get that. I try & live my life by those principles. I believe life is about the journey, not the destination etc etc. I trust in the Universe, I have faith in myself, I feel great, unstopable, I believe that I am completey responsible for my entire reality, there is no right or wrong, I'll never be more perfect than I am now because all there is is this present moment & seraching for that is just another distraction from accepting what is etc etc.... but some days they are just words to me, other days I feel their reality... & then something happens, & I'm back to square one again. Nothing ever seems to stick. It's one giant rollercoaster ride. It's like- I understand all of it & I agree with it & for the most part I believe in it... but I fall in & out of living/feeling those principles all the time. I keep hoping that it will eventually click into place, but it doesn't. RoLLerCoAstEr!.!.!.!

It's not like I don't investigate my life though: Kinesiology, eating well, exercise, jornaling, meditation, tai chi, forgiving, law of attraction, setting goals, taking action etc etc etc. I've done it. It never quite takes off though. I get some positive, small returns... and then the rollercoaster drops again. I just get exasperated at the thought that my life will never truly take off/ I'll never be at peace/ get what I want.

 I like what you said about my obsessing getting in the way of my travels. I think it is really isn't it. Even more to the point though, I get the feeling that living abroad at the moment is, although fun & valuable, a way of avoiding what I want to do also. Having said that though, I'm very fortunate to be able to travel & before I came away I wasn't sure what i wanted from life. Now I have a much better idea so that is great.

I like your challenge. It actually occured to me the other day that there is nothing that I want in life right now that is affected by how I look/ what I weigh. So I just need to cut the .... don't I & stop taking myself/ life so seriously & just get into it! So... Andrea... I see your challenge... & I'll take it!

My challenge to you is to encourage me when my rollecoaster drops down!

*fingers crossed*

Love & blessings.

Hi JoAnn.

I appreciate your kind words. This forum is great because I actually feel like there are people here I can relate to regarding these topics!

I'm optimistic about what EFT has install for me. I agree that what we have discussed about my attachment to food is just a symptom of something bigger. As you may have read from my posts with Andrea- I've had my trials and tribulations. At the moment I'm just focussing on what I do want. It occured to me (with the help of what i've been reading on this site) that I don't actually need to skinnier for me to live the life that I want. I used to think that i wanted to be skinnier & when i imagined my life that way, I thought "then I'll run my own business, then I'll have the relationships I want" etc etc. Now it has occured to me though that I realld don't need to be any other size/shape than what i am now to have those things.So, I'm just going to have faith (eeek!) and focus on the things I am attracting- focusing on the things I want to experience as opposed to the outcomes I think I should have.

How are you going?

I'll definitely keep you posted on my pending success :o)

 lots of love.

 Hi Gracey,

By the way, my daughter's middle name is Grace... I agree with Andrea about the importance of loving ourselves right where we are right now. It is really important. That is the acceptance half of the set-up phrase--"I deeply and completely love and accept myself". I love it!!!

You can use EFT on those days in which you have DOUBTS about Who you are or what you want.That's what I do...

You are right, you can do all the things that you may have been putting off until you are skinnier. And, if you chose, you can lose weight, too. And use EFT to assist you. It is all your choice, and it is OK however you do it. As my husband, Steve Ryals, author of Drunk with Wonder: Awakening to the God Within says, "we can do it with more or less suffering".

If you notice yourself focusing on those things that you don't want, and you say something about the Law of Attraction, then you can use EFT to clear those blocks.

Things are going well for me. I am teaching a series of I Love My Body--Weight Loss for Women next month in the closest town to where I live in northern California. I tend to hang out in the country. Today, I went to town, and hung up posters. It was fun.

I am shifting my practice, which has been general EFT with some emphasis on pain to weight control for women. I have just re-read Ask and It is Given. Even more recently, A Call to Power: The Grandmothers Speak. Currently I am reading The Law of Attraction. I find myself integrating the Abe teachings, and seeing how EFT can be used to clear the blocks to what ever it is that we want to create.

Grace, thanks for asking.

Gratefully yours,

JoAnn

 

Hi Gracey,

I'm so excited that you were able to see that much of the pressure about your weight was coming from you and your thoughts and beliefs about how weight loss should work. The thing is naturally slender people give no thought to what they weigh or how much/little they eat. They  just live and take really good care of themselves, because the way we treat food reflects how we treat ourselves. Most naturally slender people have a strong sense of what they need to be happy and they include that in their daily regimen.

Those of us who are finding our way out of the hole of emotional eating, haven't yet gotten that message or truly understood the meaning of taking care of ourselves. It's so easy with our former diet-y thinking to fall into the belief that what we eat or how much we weigh respresents the quality of our life.

In doing some research for my book, "Lovin the Skin You're In: The Juicy Woman's Guide to Making Peace with Food and Friends with Your Body," I just read a quick quote in one a book entitled, "Life Doesn't Begin 5 Pounds from Now," written by Jessica Weiner. She is one of my best role models continually proving to me that a woman who is overweight doesn't have to live from a point of scarcity. You have probably seen Jessica and not realized it. She is on the Dove commercials, when they show the film clip of the children talking about self esteem. She is a real woman, bent on spreading the message that beauty is not defined by size.

In Jess' book, I just read this quote by Totie Fields, "I've been on a diet for 2 weeks, and all I lost was 14 days." I don't know about you, but I've been on diets for more than 33 years and lost that same amount. I'm ready to start reclaiming those losses by loving myself, how about you?

Big hugs and much love,

Andrea

Thank you so much for writing this, I'm sure you really have given a helping hand to many others beside myself. In fact, you helped me to realise some very basic connections towards my food compulsions, and I just needed to show you how grateful I am for that. I'm new to EFT, so can't help you with the specifics, but I'm sure that you will find the answers you seek.

Thanks again.

Hi KJB. I'm so glad to hear that you have been able to connect with something in this thread. For me, I think there was healing even just in writing what I wrote- to know that I'm not the only one who has felt like this & that I have support on offer is very comforting. I haven't been a one minute miracle, & I'm ok with that. The things that I have been learning about myself have actually been quite fun. I feel I am slowly but surely gaining balance in this are of my life. I am definitely more relaxed around food & I don't think about it 24/7 any more. I have also stopped over-eating so much. Plus, I'm starting to become better friends with my body. The best part is, I've hardly actually worked on my food & weight issues directly yet. All of this has happened through working on other aspects of myself that has brought about change.I still have my 'bad' days but I'm a lot less judgmental about them & I still have faith that I'm on the right path. I really appreciate your kind words & I think it's great you are able to share them. If you are new to EFT, I highly recommend working with an experienced practitioner. I have been & I have found it really helps. If that's not an option for you then i would suggest finding some audio sessions on line that you can listen to & 'borrow benefits' to tap along to. All the best KJB. I assure you that making peace with all of this is possible.... now I'm onto the next stage of allowing the results to flow in.... so hopefully next post I'll be able to say...'I assure you that results are possible too' ;o) Keep me posted on how you go too. hugs.