Bless you for writing this.I have been a carer for my husband for the last three years and have been struggling with guilt over my feelings of resentment and anger. No one pays the slightest bit of attention to the fact that the carer has needs and feelings. Reading this has been such a relief for me.

My husband has Emphysema and cancer and it has been difficult caring for him as I have anxiety disorder, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, and all the related problems that come with anxiety disorders. To complicate matters further my 86 year old mother has Dementia and lives across the road from me. My brother, who lives with her, is very angry that I don't do more for her. I can't.

This is not my first carer situation. My oldest son was in an accident 6 years ago which resulted in a brain injury and after several months in the hospital he came to live with us for a year during which I took care of him. At the same time my younger son had cancer and I did what I could for him. They both made wonderful recoveries and are fine now. Incredibly, there were quite a few other situations over the years, where I was the only one available to be a caregiver.

I have done so much research on cancer, emphysema, anxiety, etc. and tried so many things but nothing has helped as much as I hoped. EFT looks like the best possible way to deal with our problems but I don't seem to be able to get motivated enough to do it very often. I'm depressed, tired, overwhelmed, and just can't think what exactly to say while tapping,

Thank you so much for giving me this chance to say what I am going through. I get tired of pretending to be cheerful and strong.

Gilly

 Thank you everyone for your messages and kind support. They mean the world to me. Matthew came home from the hospital and has done well. I am making progress as well. It seems like the emotions comes in like the waves of the ocean. At times I feel upbeat and strong and even optimistic and then just as quickly a wave of sorrow hits and knocks me down. I believe I will ride the crest for longer and longer periods and the low points won't be such a drastic drop and one day I will wake up and the seas of my emotions will be calm. The sun will once again shine upon me and for all of the struggles I will come out stronger and hopefully wiser. 

 I am beginning to face the fact that I am going to have to create a future of my own that is independent from the one I have known for the past 24 years. I have devoted myself to being wife and mother and perhaps in the process I gave more than I should have. Now I want to tap for creativity and courage and discernment. I will be largely confined to my home, (especially after Matthew graduates in June,) but still in need of producing an income. I am a highly creative and social being and need to create outlets for these parts of my personality. I want joy and peace to reign in our home and for it to be a place of purpose and passion instead of the obvious and to often seen, alternatives. 

I still see my husband a couple days a week as he comes over to see the kids and help out with some things needing done around here. It is difficult for me. Those sneaker waves usually hit me after he leaves. He swears that their is no one else, but I don't know if I believe him. The thought of discovering that he was lying and that he left us because he was interested or involved with someone else is hardest to deal with. I am deeply afraid of this possible reality. I am afraid that I will no longer be able to controll my emotions. I am afraid I will then let my hurt get the best of me and make matters worse for everyone. I don't want that. I want to handle this situation in such a way that I do not contribute to any further harm to my children or to myself. I sometimes feel hurt and angry that I must act so strong, mature, and reliable when my husband isn't, and when all I want to do is set aside this heavy burden, even if for just a little while and find rest, comfort and relief for my own soul. 

Thank you for your tips on tapping scripts, it helps to know what can be said. I am still so new to this that everytime someone makes a suggestion, I think to myself, "Why didn't I think to tap about that?" It is opening my mind. I use them all and am like a hungry kitten jumping in the middle of the bowl,wanting to be surrounded by the milk because I can't lap it up fast enough.  

Blessings,

Connie 

 Gilly

I just wanted you to know that I am so glad that you are reaching out to the community here at these EFT forums. I think we underestimate the profound power of community. Isolation and loneliness are the enemies because they rob us of all the rich resources of the universe that are there just for us. In our culture we think we have to do everything on our own. It is a lie. None of us does anything unto ourselves. We all are intricately interlaced with eachother in ways that we cannot alway comprehend of have the forsight to recognize. You are not alone. Your loving selfless acts of kindness have not gone unnoticed and at the same time, no one...and I repeat no one, expects you to be superhuman. 

It is okay to feel sad, lonely, angry, resentful, bored, cheated, stuck or any other emotion that crosses your brain. Recognizing and acknowledging these feelings is the first step in giving them the validation they need so that you can deal with them in a healthy way and be able to use them as actual positive motivators to move forward in your life's journey and path.  

I am too new to EFT to be able to give you specific tips for tapping, but there are many caring souls here who are more than happy to assist. In my own personal struggles I am finding EFT to be an invaluable blessing and powerful healing tool. It is affordable. It is easy and assessible anytime and anywhere, (I've even excused myself for a moment at a dinner in a restaurant to go do EFT in the ladies room! ) Please, know that I am lifting you up in prayer and that you and your husband will be in my thoughts today.

Blessings,

Connie  

Dear Gilly,

Welcome to our Forum and please hopefully find a few minutes solace in the turmoil.

We are grateful you have found us, for indeed we are all one.

Most carers will realate to what you are saying about you are ' tired of pretending to be cheerful and strong '

You don't have to pretend here.

A suggestion I make often .read your posting out loud and tap ...and see if anything comes up ?

If it does.. tap along with it and if you are not sure what to tap with get back to us.

You say you are ' depressed, tired and overwhelmed '...I strongly recommend to start with at least getting a Practitioner to help make it seem more ' copeable' with ...could you do this ?

Please get back to us knowing our love and healing and support are with you in your darkest moments of despair.

With Love,

Marie

To Connie & Gill,

Here is an exercise from Dr. Carol Look, it is taken from her Abundance Series which is posted in the archives. I have found it to be very effective and recommend it, highly. Try it, when, you feel exhausted.

Gill, I recommend this to my EFT-Cancer-Support-Study-Group@YahooGroups.com also, so, you might engage your husband also.

Bless you both!

Sylvia 

Sylvia S Ross EFT-ADV

Co-Moderator

Connie, thank you so much for your kindness and encouragement. I am inspired by your courage in facing your future. I am hoping for the best for you and your son. You both deserve happiness, security and peace.

Gilly

Marie, Thank you for the welcome and understanding. I did tap on my post - I realized that I want to feel better, that I don't want to feel resentful, angry, etc. I want to learn to use EFT to change my feelings, to let go of things that are holding me back.

I also want to learn to help my husband, to reduce his pain, make his breathing easier. He is very negative and this hurts us both and has so far limited any success we might have had in dealing with his breathing problems and fighting the cancer.

I did try to find a practioner a couple of years ago to help my husband with his emphysema but the only one in the area was working only with teenagers and wasn't able to help us. At this time I am unable to drive or afford the sessions anyway so I am on my own. I can do it though. I tapped a lot yesterday and it only seemed to help a little ,but a few hours later I suddenly felt wonderful. At least until my husband returned from a chemo treatment and complained a great deal and was very demanding. Then my mood spiraled down again. Is there any tapping statements I could do for my husband that would make him more peaceful? I am going to find a picture of him and a bear today that I can use to tap him. I think he will give me permission. 

Gratefully, Gilly

Dear Gily,

I am so glad you get some relief with EFT because we have to feel OK ourselves before helping others.

I use Collar Bone Breathing Technique a lot for anyone with bretahing problems as it is so effective.

If you have Garys download it is in there and also there is a shortcut version that someone wrote into Gary with that you may want to try.

www.emofree.com/Articles2/short-collarbone-breathing.htm

Also Pat Carringtons ' Choices ' Method could be very good with your husband because it introduces the positive when tapping which is ' lifting' in itself when things get too much or depressing.I use this method a lot.

Let us know if anything is helping,

Sending love and healing to you and your husband,

Marie

Dear Connie,

Thank you for all your strength, courage and love in helping Gilly with your kind words and words of wisdom in helping her.

Normally, your posting would be a seperate thread as the Forum doesn't want your own identity and problem to be' lost' as an individual. And as you have shown great kindness to a fellow human being..you also deserve the best you can get.

However, it seems appropriate that we are all supporting each other at the moment.

I am sure your message rings true for a lot of women that ' we give too much '...and you are still giving Connie.

I love your vision of coming through all this...it is a beautiful picture..well painted.

This Forum would like you to receive all the help you deserve, so you may also consider posting on the Womens Forum for additional help regarding how you feel about your husband..your doubts, lack of support.

On a high note..what is Mathew graduating in..sorry I may have missed it in an earlier posting?

Wishing you continued strength and love ,and gratitude for your sharing and just being here knowing there are many people in the world who do care for you as much as you care for them,

On a practical note Connie, if you find you want a specific response post a new thread , so that others may  look in on a new posting enabling you to get maximum help and please let us know any way you need help with Mathew and yourself regarding EFT.

Whilst events around you seem out of control and unstable, we are here 24/7  and offer a stability in your life that may not currently be there.

God Bless.

With love,

Marie

Hi Gilly!

In reference to your husband. Where is his cancer located? If you join EFT-Cancer-Support-Study-Group-submit@YahooGroups you will receive free downloads that maybe helpful. I have a Cancer Survey of Possible Emotional Problems that can induce cancer, according to research, available on my site. Cancer Survey. Originally, posted for research, it is also a guide for discovery & EFT work. In submiting form, there is a free EFT-Guideline & help for de-stressing the Cancer Diagnosis.

I work closely with both Louise Hay and Dr. Lincoln's emotional issues being the bottom line of all illnesses. Dr. Lincoln's insights are very specific and although they seem harsh if you don't have the problem, if you do have the problem, they are uncanny to internal feelings. Both, list for Emphysema - Fear of taking in life & not worthy of living. Dr. Lincoln has a further list, too personal to list here, but, because I do not have a formal report available, if you e-mail me off Forum, I will send them to you! There are over 85 reports available at my site. (If these links do not work my web address is www.naturalforcesforhealth.com and you can make the connections from there.) The reports include EFT Chart, insights and workpages to process insights - with PR Statements and room to explore all aspects that emerge.

Although, there is a formal report for Chemotherapy Reaction which covers a lot of territory and probably influences his sense of wellbeing and helplessness feeling which he brings home to you by being down and demanding, even without those, I can see the appointment as being a downer.

1. Is having no-control "Even though I feel I have no control over taking this chemo, in reality I did, it was my choice and I choose to do it well and spend my "chemo-time" being grateful for it's healing work and vision all the c-cells it is destroying!"

"Even though, I am worried about the associated damage and side-effects, that the chemo might create, I choose to release my fear and not have any of those problems!?

EFTing the chemo specifically the name has also been helpful. Just write name down on a piece of paper have him hold it in his hand, and process. Any and all side-effects can also be tapped. There is some great articles in the archives.

That's a start!

Hugs,

Sylvia 

Marie, thank you so much, I printed the Choices & the Collar Bone Breathing and will try them both.

Gilly

Thank you, Sylvia. I did join and this all sounds helpful. It is giving me a lot of hope.

Gilly