When people think of PTSD, they often think of war or the witnessing of a horrific event. In my case, I went through a traumatic divorce after 20 years of marriage. How does it feel to be married when you are only 18 to someone who is 29? I looked up to this man and saw him as a God. He could do no wrong. In fact, I so adored him that everything he did and said was the way it was....for me anyway. The career I took was the same career he had. The activites and hobbies I participated in were those that he participated in. Everything from the clothes I wore to the foods I ate were dictated by my husband. I really don't blame him....I did this to myself. I didn't have a father figure in my life and since he was my teacher (yes, I married my teacher of high school) I gave my identity to him. I didn't have any friends and I did all that I could to make him happy.
That lasted about 15 years. At a certain point, I began to feel like I was getting smaller and smaller. I started to feel lost and empty. I began to come unravelled. I was 36 at that point and had never been on my own. I had never lived alone! It was at this point that I started to disassociate myself from everyone and everything. A huge snowball started rolling and I couldn't stop it. After five years of this, my marriage of 20 years fell to pieces. My husband basically shut me out and immediately took another girlfriend. In fact, he was engaged before we were even divorced. I felt myself falling into a crisis. Somehow, and in some way, I suddenly felt a CRACK. Like an egg shattered on the ground. My whole world and lovely family of two daughters, dog, and white picket fence disappeared.
At this point I felt that my husband had suddenly died. My mind started racing to figure out what happened. I began to feel that I was inside a bubble. People would be talking to me but I had no idea of what they had said. I fell into a deep depression. Nothing could give me joy. I couldn't stop the chatter in my mind. I started having nightmares about spending all the night searching this way and that way for home. I would get on this subway and that subway frantically lost. I would work so hard....and finally, finally after all that fright and work and fear, I would find my way back home, thinking that my family would be there for me. And alas, no one was home. I became suicidal, awakening each morning with the thought of slicing my wrists. I couldn't slow my mind down to listen to anyone. It got to the point where it felt that my "flight or fight" had been turned on and I couldn't turn it off. I started having anxiety attacks and couldn't sleep, night after night. I felt broken.
This lasted for several years and then one day I met a therapist who showed me the wonderous method of EFT. I knew that I had to reprogram. I knew that I had created patterns that were starting to haunt me. I began to practice the EFT method and slowly my life started to return. Slowly I began to remember who I was and to let go of the emotional trauma. Within several months (after years of distress) my nervous system started responding and calming. The EFT helped my realize that I was safe and secure. I was whole and complete. I could be calm and healthy. Now I no longer have the panic attacks and I no longer have the intense insomnia or nightmares. I decided to devote my life to helping others free themselves from traumatic events of the past. For more information visit my website at <a href="http://sedona-healing-retreats.com/spiritual-retreat.html">Sedona Spiritual Retreats</a>
Katherine Lash
Founder and Co-Owner
SpiritQuest Sedona Retreats
Sedona Healing Retreats