Hi, I am Diana, I am the primary caregiver for my husband who has FTD (dementia) and my son who is high functioning autism. I have used EFT on myself for years but did not think/dare to use it on my son or my husband until Gill, suggested it for my caregiving situation (Thanks and Hi Gill) I am still very much learning and am thrilled that this forum is here so that I can learn more from those much more experianced.

Thanks,

Diana C

Hi Diana,

Welcome to our new Forum.

Yes Gill has given us all some amazing insights into EFT and everything that surrounds a caregiving role.

You may be just learning EFT Diana but I am sure we can learn from you and share your experiences.

Sharing is a big part of EFT which of course Gary does so well and is the perfect example of sharing freely.

EFT has got to be one of the best things going for the Caregiver in respect of DIY help, we  hope it helps you Diana.

Warmest wishes,

Marie

Diana/Marie

Its lovely to see you here.  Marie, I agree with you, EFT is the very best thing to help caregiver stress and so very necessary.  When caring for LO's with Dementia there are increased challenges. Statistics show that carers often die from stress related illnesses before the people they care for or are left broken and ill by the end of it. 

It is sometimes very hard to be patient with people who have become childlike and unreasonable and you are coping with your ongoing grief at the same time with absolutely no way to discuss this with the person.  My mother in law was diagnosed with cancer, fortunately in remission this year, and it was so much easier being able to speak to her about what was going on and what she wanted.  Having to take responsibility for the care decisions, financial decisions and end of life decisions for people who are unable to communciate their needs anymore is a very tough place to be.  I also found I needed it for things that seemed shocking, like the first time my mother took her clothes of in front of me, it was very traumatic, again reinforcing our massive loss.  

I believe every single carer should know about EFT.  My experience with using it after my sisters suicide following schizophrenia and my responsibility in having to have her sectioned for the protection of the family, for the cirumstances of dads death and our experiences as a child as his form of dementia included serious mental illness, for my guilt, anger, resentment, feelings of THIS IS NOT FAIR, how can this be my life,  for my grief at having not understood mums behaviour due to illness and my regret that the knowledge often didn't help me handle it any better, I know have helped me to survive this very intense period of my life with my joy for life, humour and empathy still intact.  I have written up my very profound experiences of using EFT for my anger when mum was dying and afterwards and it wasn't rejected so I am hopeful it may be published in the newsletter.

Right now feelings I am dealing with is anger that I am still in a position as carer, because no one else will do the job and it seems to be the pattern for the people I am fighting the hardest for, that as I am the closest to them, they take their anger out on me.  I am continually told they only hurt the ones they love but frankly I am sick of it.  Also frustration with  a system which means if there is no one to do the job and advocate, then people will fall down through the cracks and disappear! 

Tapping before I go into the situations, before I talk to social workers and doctors has allowed me to remain calm enough to state my points and achieve my familys wishes.  It also helped me to do alot of the difficult things and keep going with all of this without, it feels, even a pause for breath.

The point of this rather long post is just to say I know as carers we, and I talk from my experience of being carer for people with mental illness and dementia and the resulting physical problems especially when they stop eating as is part of the condition at the end,  are in a difficult situation, which can seem endless at points, where we can feel taken for granted, frightened, alone, misunderstood, even abused at times.  EFT can go along way to easing many of these intense emotions, bringing the grief down into manageable levels, and helping us to develop strengths and qualities that can help the people we love, ourselves and other people.  We really are AMAZING!

My main tip for tapping for caregivers is be honest when your tapping.  We can often find ourselves trying to be patient and coping and sometimes I need to turn the air blue, and with the tapping at the same time its like releasing the pressure from a pressure cooker before I blow and I can be human again.  And I deeply and completely accept myself anyway:) 

My very real experience is now my system does not get shaken as much by situations that are developing and I can respond rather than react and I do not internalise their frustration, fear and anger.

I hope more people find their way to this forum because caring, sharing and constructive help are what we all need.  If I can use my experience to help other people it makes it feel worthwhile.  I have learnt to accept what has happened to my family and to like the person I have become because of it.  

Gill 

Dear Gill,

Wow, those statistics are horrifying !

I cannot even begin to imagine what you went through but thank you so much for sharing your experiences using EFT.

Your posting will definitely encourage other Caregivers to try EFT to help them through.

I totally agree about Honesty ..my grandmother had senile dementia when I was in my teens and when I look back I am quite shocked I had no patience with her , I used to get angry with her , frustrated .. again I didn't know about EFT then.

Gill Please, if you can .. keep up your good work and input on this Forum . ... no pressure then?!  ( Grin! Sorry! ) ...you have so much to offer others with your experiences as a carer and using EFT.

I have no doubt you are a wonderful person for all of this.

Warmest wishes,

Marie

Marie

Marie

I will be more than happy to participate and help in any way I can.

Gill

Marie,

I have already been helped more than I can say by EFT, and I really don't have much of a problem with it when it comes to fears, phobias, my own not feeling well issues, but my feelings centered around caregiving are so strong and tangled, I have a very hard time seperating them and putting it all into words, sometimes I get it and when I do it works great!

I am so looking forward to learning and sharing on this forum,

Diana

Gill Wightman:

I believe every single carer should know about EFT.  My experience with using it after my sisters suicide following schizophrenia and my responsibility in having to have her sectioned for the protection of the family, for the cirumstances of dads death and our experiences as a child as his form of dementia included serious mental illness, for my guilt, anger, resentment, feelings of THIS IS NOT FAIR, how can this be my life,  for my grief at having not understood mums behaviour due to illness and my regret that the knowledge often didn't help me handle it any better, I know have helped me to survive this very intense period of my life with my joy for life, humour and empathy still intact.  I have written up my very profound experiences of using EFT for my anger when mum was dying and afterwards and it wasn't rejected so I am hopeful it may be published in the newsletter.

 Gill,

I totally agree, I am just begining to use EFT as a carer and have had limited success to this point, but I would never again want to do this with out it!

After months of asking and pushing our local Alz Association has finally decided to put together a young onset support group (Yea!) we will be having a planning meeting next wednesday and you can bet EFT will be explained, talked about and a meeting put on the schedule for those who would like to learn more.

Diana

Dear Diana,

This is amazing news,

Would you please kep us posted even if it is months down the line.

If you need any help, albeit limited if we are in different countries you know where I am

Warmest wishes,

Marie

Thanks Marie,

I am sure I will be needing help as this unfolds, it is nice to know

it is available.... email is great isn't is, makes it seam as if we all live next door :-)

Diana (UT)

I have recently been introduced to EFT and have been practicing it with success.  I have had to admit in the past months that my husband is suffereing from some form dementia--worsening memory loss, confusion around financial accounts, distrust/suspicion/ mild paranoia. 

 We are leaving the state we came to for retirement to return to nearer where our children live--my idea because I will need to be closer for support as well as being able to be part of new grandchildrens' lives.  He is going along with the idea willingly, but the prep for selling was stressful, and now we must soon go to find our new location and home.  I am very anxious about getting it done quickly yet making good decisions about buying. 

 I have started tapping for relief from things like grief, impatience, irratibility, fear (worry).  In my situation, should I be doing it once, or repeatedly and regularly for the same emotion?  He does not have any interest in tapping or any of the principles, etc. 

What is the surrogate tapping that came up in a recent newsletter?  I would like to explore it.  It sounds like there is nothing I can do for him as far as using EFT to slow or neutralize his symptoms.

Hi Carolyn,

You asked or questioned whether anything could be done for your husband's dementia? I searched out some articles to give you some ideas. Also, about surrogating. I have included some connections that may be helpful. EFT has helped so many people, so many ways, the suggestion is to try it on everything and be open to possibilities.

The full article I posted is on the importance of caring for yourself as a caregiver, fitting for group as a whole, also. Applying EFT to your day and each challange, would be very helpful, either first in morning and/or right before you go to bed.

Loving blessings,

Sylvia

http://www.emofree.com/Articles2/dementia.htm

http://www.emofree.com/articles/surrogate-grandmother.htm

http://www.emofree.com/faq/surrogate.htm

http://www.emofree.com/Research/minerals-amino-vitamins.htm

Neck pain relief after finding the emotional core issues.

Hi Everyone,

In recent correspondence with Catherine O'Driscoll, my friend from Scotland, she sent me this important EFT experience. It is one of those cases where conventional healing practitioners had difficulty even labeling the problem. Relieving it, of course, was considered impossible. This is not just an "EFT does it again" story. It goes beyond that by illustrating the following fine points in the "art of delivery."

1. How clients can fool themselves about what the problem really is.

2. How following your instincts (intuition) can often get to the heart of the matter.

3. How hitting the emotional bulls eye (core issues) can provide substantial relief for a severe physical issue--after all else has failed.

Catherine also provides excellent languaging in her eventual SetUp phrasing wherein she let the process roll out of her intuitively. This is a fascinating process that is illustrated in detail in our videotape set known as "Steps toward becoming The Ultimate Therapist."

Gratitude to Catherine and....

Hugs to all, Gary

P.S. Here is a definition of Psychotherapy from over 50 years ago that you might find interesting.

"Psychotherapy is an undefined technique applied to unspecified cases with unpredictable results. For this technique, rigorous training is required." Raimy (1950)

by Catherine O'Driscoll

Hi Gary,

Glen is a true gentleman who came to me with his head hanging forward, in absolute pain. He has been wearing a neck collar for three months now. His doctor referred him to a specialist and the specialist referred him to another specialist. A physiotherapist was involved. Eventually, Glen took himself to a chiropractor.

No-one was sure what was wrong with Glen. CAT scans were next. They hadn't seen anything like this before. The chiropractor said the closest description of his condition was a thing called 'drop neck' which horses suffer. The physiotherapist had been looking in all her medical books. She thought it might be a condition called Dystonia.

Dystonia is an incurable neurological condition. The specialist was talking about an operation - an operation that is chancy at best. It could go horribly wrong.

Glen was terrified that he might have to stop working. He had no idea how he would pay his bills if this condition couldn't be cured. He was terrified that he would never get better.

We tapped on this: "Even though I might never get better . . ." "Even though I might not be able to work..."

Throughout the hour-long consultation, we measured Glen's neck pain on a 0-10 scale. It stayed up there at 10 throughout.

Now, I knew darned well that Glen didn't have an incurable condition. To me, he was suffering from stress. I knew this because Glen is my brother-in-law, and I've watched him cope with tremendous obstacles over the last few years. At last I had him in my treatment room - he lives in England and I live in Scotland, so I was determined to help Glen recover while he was here.

Here are just some of the obvious stress issues involved.

1. Glen and his wife (my sister) Leslie are great animal lovers. To them, their dogs are their children. Three of their dogs died last year, and their grief was huge.

2. Our father has been suffering from dementia for the last three years, too. He's been living in a home and my sisters and their husbands have been visiting him every day, staying for hours and coping with a man who they remember as someone very special, but who was now throwing furniture at them, and raving, or crying, or singing, or pacing up and down. They've been going through terrible emotional turmoil, watching my father suffer.

3. Leslie and Glen have also been coping with Glen's mother who also has dementia, and her sister who has had several strokes. Glen and Les had to fly to Ireland and attend to their affairs, selling the family home and auctioning off their possessions to pay for nursing care. Glen has been travelling to and from Ireland every two months to attend to his mother and aunt's needs. This means that Glen has no holiday allocation left.

4. And then Leslie came down with clinical depression, leaving Glen to take the burden of it all. She's getting better now - but that's another EFT story.

So Glen and I sat in my treatment room and discussed all that has been happening. I asked Glen if he felt that life was a bit of a burden and if he sometimes resented what was happening. I asked if he felt unsupported. "No," he said. "I'm just glad that I'm there to help my mother. I'm glad that I can help Les through her depression. It's great to be there for your dad."

Now, it comes in handy sometimes to be a selfish sort of a person - someone (like me) who would moan like mad if I had all the responsibilities Glen had. It didn't make sense to me that Glen didn't mind just a little bit. He told me that he had had a fabulous childhood. He said he really felt a lot of guilt about joining the RAF and gadding about and leaving his mum alone when he was a young man. He was glad to make it up to her now.

We tapped on all sorts of things relating to Glen's neck pain. The pain itself, the fear surrounding the pain, the incurable diagnosis. The pain level stayed at 10.

And then, almost despairing, I decided to go for broke. Tapping his karate chop point, Glen repeated after me (whether he agreed or resonated with what I was asking him to say or not):

"Even though I have this incurable neck pain.... And even though I let my mum down when I was younger.... I love myself..... I'm OK.... And even though life is a tremendous burden. And life is a pain in the neck. And I can't fix everything for everyone. And I can't stop people suffering. I'm OK. I accept myself. And even though I can't cope with everything and I feel unsupported.... I matter.... And I thank my body for giving me this gift.... For telling me I have to stop and think of me too.... And even though I can't fix everything.... I'm a good boy...."

At which point, Glen burst out laughing and his neck pain lifted. We walked into the garden giggling like little children, with sparks of light flying around us.

The next day, Glen had no need of his neck collar.

He and Leslie tapped on it again last night, and Glen felt further relief. He knows now that he will be able to continue working. He knows that there's no need for a dangerous operation. He knows that his body was giving him a precious gift: the knowledge that he also has to be on his list of people who matter. Like Leslie's depression, Glen's body was saying, 'enough' - and it made him listen.

I shudder to think what would have happened to Glen had EFT not been there for him. He won't stop helping his loved-ones, but he's going to start helping himself as well.

Love Catherine

Dear Sylvia,

 Thank you for the wonderful resources.

 Carolyn